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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ghost, leave, pick up where we were?

5 replies

Duechristmas · 16/07/2025 22:32

I have a friend from secondary school. Once we were very close. She emigrated in our early 20s and would go through periods of intense communication then periods (months or years) of no contact.
She came back to the UK five years ago. We rekindled our friendship but it quickly became clear that I'd gone in a different direction and she was still living the life she had when we were much, much younger.
I planned to gently let the relationship slide them a Very Bad Thing happened in her life. I had to be there after that as she needed everybody around her.
A year or so later I backed off gently when I was sure she was in a better place and had an appropriate support network. We still messaged regularly.
Friend just did a disappearing act again for the past six months (I messaged, no replies), then popped back into my inbox recently.
I don't have the energy for this (her life is always very intense) and would rather let the relationship slide. So far, I haven't replied but I don't know whether to explain, ghost or just carry on.
I'm sorry if the details are a bit patchy, I wouldn't want to out her.
YABU: You're a meany, forgive and move on
YANBU: It's come to a natural end, leave it already

OP posts:
Wolfpinkola · 16/07/2025 22:34

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to just let it slide. She’s started the job nicely for you, just continue

Marmalady75 · 16/07/2025 22:37

Let it drift.

Yabberwok · 16/07/2025 22:39

Let her go. A friend said recently that he's only in touch with 2 people he went to school with as they had maintained the friendship for 30+ years. With friends reunited,FB and other socials it became easier to reconnect with friends and keep in contact.

This person went abroad and kept contact for a while until she settled, she came back and needed to re-establish herself, something shit happened and she needed support... can you see the pattern? When she needs she's in contact.

Duechristmas · 16/07/2025 22:44

Yabberwok · 16/07/2025 22:39

Let her go. A friend said recently that he's only in touch with 2 people he went to school with as they had maintained the friendship for 30+ years. With friends reunited,FB and other socials it became easier to reconnect with friends and keep in contact.

This person went abroad and kept contact for a while until she settled, she came back and needed to re-establish herself, something shit happened and she needed support... can you see the pattern? When she needs she's in contact.

This is EXACTLY what has happened. The recent messages relate to a new health situation. Thank you.

OP posts:
3678194b · 16/07/2025 23:09

Sadly, it doesn't really seem that you are friends. So I would let go and not reply.

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