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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to have a chat with my dad regarding inheritance?

9 replies

vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:30

Hello ladies,

This is a question regarding inheritance. I’m a Spaniard living in the UK for quite some years, I was born into my dads first marriage, he then remarried again when I was a teen, he has two more children from his second marriage. My relationship to him has been strained because of his wife (my step mother) who refused to accept his two kids from his first marriage (me and my brother) and literally had us kicked out of the house when I was 18, since then I’ve never had any financial assistance from him nor any contact with the stepmother (she refuses to engage with us in any manner).My dad is in his mid 80’s with lots of health issues, he recently had a stroke and said stepmother would not let me visit him. He’s healing well from the stroke and I’m planning to visit him in Spain in August and spend some days with him as I’m not sure he’s going to live much longer and would like to spend some quality time.

My question is a follows: he has a big real state company in Spain and 20 properties, the inheritance laws in my country are completely different to the UK. I wish my dad a long healthy life but I also have to be realistic: he’s a man in his mid 80’s with a fragile health. I really cringe at the idea of taking this woman and her children to court and fight for the inheritance once he dies, I don't want that. I’m hoping that my dad has a a nicely organised tight will and all is crystal clear so there’s no fights after his death.

My question is as follows: Am I being unreasonable for approaching my dad about this? Is there a polite way to talk about this issue without hurting his feelings?

Thanks.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 16/07/2025 21:35

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your father might not agree though since he might interpret things differently ; like you only visit him to be sure to get your inheritance. Which is probably true but he has himself to blame for that kicking you out at 18 and then not wanting to see you (he can blame his New wife all he wants but he agreed to it). Under the circomstances I wouldn't have many warm feeling towards him either so go ahead and be factual. If he cares for his "New family" then maybe he will listen to you, contact a lawyer to make sure his will is watertight and that there will be no family fight for money after his death.

bridgetreilly · 16/07/2025 21:37

I think you can ask if he has made sure that his will legally set up to do what he intends. Ask if he needs to see a solicitor. Maybe explain that it will be easier for everyone if you all know what to expect.

EasyPeasyStrawberrySqueezy · 16/07/2025 21:40

vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:30

Hello ladies,

This is a question regarding inheritance. I’m a Spaniard living in the UK for quite some years, I was born into my dads first marriage, he then remarried again when I was a teen, he has two more children from his second marriage. My relationship to him has been strained because of his wife (my step mother) who refused to accept his two kids from his first marriage (me and my brother) and literally had us kicked out of the house when I was 18, since then I’ve never had any financial assistance from him nor any contact with the stepmother (she refuses to engage with us in any manner).My dad is in his mid 80’s with lots of health issues, he recently had a stroke and said stepmother would not let me visit him. He’s healing well from the stroke and I’m planning to visit him in Spain in August and spend some days with him as I’m not sure he’s going to live much longer and would like to spend some quality time.

My question is a follows: he has a big real state company in Spain and 20 properties, the inheritance laws in my country are completely different to the UK. I wish my dad a long healthy life but I also have to be realistic: he’s a man in his mid 80’s with a fragile health. I really cringe at the idea of taking this woman and her children to court and fight for the inheritance once he dies, I don't want that. I’m hoping that my dad has a a nicely organised tight will and all is crystal clear so there’s no fights after his death.

My question is as follows: Am I being unreasonable for approaching my dad about this? Is there a polite way to talk about this issue without hurting his feelings?

Thanks.

You're not unreasonable to talk to your dad about his intentions in his Will but you also need to respect his wishes.
Yes it would be incredibly unfair and hurtful if he hasn't included you or your siblings on equal grounds but that's also his choice. The moral thing to do would be to split it equally amongst all his children and wife but we all know that inheritance isn't that simple once families split and remarry.
I have no idea what the laws on inheritance are in Spain but I'd be inclined to obtain a copy of his latest Will at the very least so you can have a realistic invite into what his wishes are to prevent any cover ups when he passes.

Original poster
vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:43

EasyPeasyStrawberrySqueezy · 16/07/2025 21:40

You're not unreasonable to talk to your dad about his intentions in his Will but you also need to respect his wishes.
Yes it would be incredibly unfair and hurtful if he hasn't included you or your siblings on equal grounds but that's also his choice. The moral thing to do would be to split it equally amongst all his children and wife but we all know that inheritance isn't that simple once families split and remarry.
I have no idea what the laws on inheritance are in Spain but I'd be inclined to obtain a copy of his latest Will at the very least so you can have a realistic invite into what his wishes are to prevent any cover ups when he passes.

Show quote history

The inheritance laws in Spain and the UK are very different. In Spain you're obliged by law to leave your inheritance to your spouse and children, in the UK not so, here you can leave your inheritance to your pet fish if you wish, not the case in Spain.

OP posts:
Original poster
vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:48

EasyPeasyStrawberrySqueezy · 16/07/2025 21:40

You're not unreasonable to talk to your dad about his intentions in his Will but you also need to respect his wishes.
Yes it would be incredibly unfair and hurtful if he hasn't included you or your siblings on equal grounds but that's also his choice. The moral thing to do would be to split it equally amongst all his children and wife but we all know that inheritance isn't that simple once families split and remarry.
I have no idea what the laws on inheritance are in Spain but I'd be inclined to obtain a copy of his latest Will at the very least so you can have a realistic invite into what his wishes are to prevent any cover ups when he passes.

Show quote history

Wills are not public in Spain, unless my dad shows it to me (which is not going to happen as he's very secretive) I have no clue what's in his will, he's never talked about it either.

I just want to have a chat with him regarding this delicate subject matter and make sure he has a will in place, it's all crystal clear as I don't want to have to fight his wife in court.

OP posts:
merrymelody · 16/07/2025 21:49

I empathize - my stepmother loathed me. I never understood how a woman could be so jealous of a child, especially a stepchild who is not at fault! I think you should have a chat with your dad but it’s likely that his wife oversees his will. Probably best to get legal advice in Spain. Good luck!

Original poster
vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:51

@merrymelody Probably best to get legal advice in Spain. Good luck!

Yep, I have an appointment with a lawyer in Madrid.

OP posts:
EasyPeasyStrawberrySqueezy · 16/07/2025 21:56

vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 21:48

Wills are not public in Spain, unless my dad shows it to me (which is not going to happen as he's very secretive) I have no clue what's in his will, he's never talked about it either.

I just want to have a chat with him regarding this delicate subject matter and make sure he has a will in place, it's all crystal clear as I don't want to have to fight his wife in court.

Show quote history

Oh ok then yes, definitely try and have a chat with him.
If Spanish law states he has to leave it to the children, surely if he's written anything else, the law will override his wishes anyway?

Original poster
vegetarianlouise · 16/07/2025 22:06

EasyPeasyStrawberrySqueezy · 16/07/2025 21:56

Oh ok then yes, definitely try and have a chat with him.
If Spanish law states he has to leave it to the children, surely if he's written anything else, the law will override his wishes anyway?

Show quote history

Despite Spanish (and Italian!) laws forcing a person into leaving all to his immediate family there's always "loopholes", grey areas and ways to get around. Any ambiguity can bring a lot of problems.

OP posts:
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