Do I deserve this after stupid row?

[cheesescheeses]

Just had a row with my husband and I have no idea how we got to this point.

Would welcome advice on whether I am in fact being unreasonable and just can’t see it, at the moment I feel utterly confused, sad and shut down.

I started a lengthy job/chore at the beginning of May, the goal was to complete it by the end of May. There was no real time limit for it but I was quieter with work (self employed) and thought it was a good time to dedicate time to do it. Two days in my DF was diagnosed with cancer, he died towards the end of that month with his funeral later in June. I’d put the job on the back burner until after the funeral with a view to picking it up again once I’d caught up with work.

Work has suddenly been really busy and I haven’t got anywhere with it and no energy left late in the evening to start it up again. Work will go quiet again soon and I’m not worried about picking it up and finishing it when I can.

Today I needed to do something that would have been helped by having finished the job I started in May but of course I haven’t done it. DH commented that if I’d finished it then my life would be easier, all true. I replied that my DF died in the middle of it so it threw me off. This comment caused my DH to storm off and shout that it wasn’t his fault and not to blame him, I wasn’t and I don’t even know he could think it was anything to do with him.
He now won’t talk to me, said he won’t discuss it any more and that he can’t believe I blamed him.

I walk in a room, he walks out situation.

I’m questioning myself and feel like crap.

What an abusive, spiteful prick he is.

Could it be that he is feeling overwhelmed and helpless at witnessing you in the process of grieving as your vulnerability makes him feel unsafe because he is an emotionally avoidant personality who was brought up in a chaotic or unstable environment which now means he panics internally when life is not on the same steady course at all times and so he is subconsciously projecting his discomfort on to you in the form of anger? Just asking 😅 as I had similar bewildering interactions with husband after my parents died.

Could be that, could be something else. It doesn’t matter what the reason is.

I would argue it’s damaging to even imply that OP should take on the task of trying to imagine or guess the reasons for anyone’s cruel and harmful behaviour towards her. That’s just extra emotional work, when she already has plenty to do trying to grieve and manage daily life.

It sounds like he's needing an excuse to sulk. He knows you hate conflict so won't bother him. It's abusive and weird. You are grieving and it's still early days. This is completely unsupportive and unloving. The 'why' is a mystery, do you have an idea OP? Don't question yourself, it's not you at all.

Good point.

OP it doesn't matter why, he's being a dick.