Would you think that this was a red flag?

[Limoncello16]

If a man was 40, had 3 very young children by two different women and had split up from both of the mothers?

Would it make you think this man can’t hold down a relationship? Or would you just put it down to bad luck?

I’m not the man btw nor am I involved with the man.

Yes I’d assume he was a massive bellend.

That’s very well put.

Run a mile, no one needs that level of complexity in their life, it’s bad enough dealing with “step” kids from one mother let alone two!

Of course. There are no green flags here at all!

Seminally incontinent fuckwit.

I know a school mum who has 5 kids by 5 dads! Plenty with 4 kids and multiple dads, 3 kids and 3 dads and so on.

It’s really not uncommon. Wouldn’t be for me though.

Why wouldn’t it be for you though?

The OP asked was it a red flag, not if it was common.

I wouldn’t date him because I don’t need that level of complexity in my life. I don’t think, in itself, having had two sets of children in two relationship is a red flag - unless the relationships had been been very short and children clearly rushed into (although that’s as much on the mothers of his children, if so.) Relationships break down sometimes, and as many women as men will be in the same position.

If a man with one or more very small children impregnates a second woman after a very short relationship, that isn't bad luck thats irresponsibility. And he's already dating again, when his focus should be on those three small children and supporting their mothers. So, not for me.

Interesting, I’m interested to see if anyone thinks it’s not a red flag.

The man in question is an ex boyfriend from a very long time ago. He’s extremely handsome, but was hands down the most selfish and childish person I’ve ever met. Grew up with his grandmother and would shout at her if his chips weren’t cooked right or if she bought him the wrong soap. Granted he could have changed.

I don’t hold any grudges it’s nothing like that, we were young and parted on good terms and are friends on social media. I’m married 17 years.

He’s posting his latest relationship. Each one is always “the most amazing woman he’s ever met”

I’m just nosy whether he’s still a selfish big baby and all these women realise what he’s like after 5 minutes.

Overindulged as a child. Sad, but clearly has not learned anything.

I’d assume he was mega irresponsible.

I'm surprised he got 2 children at all. He sounds like a bully re: how he treated grandmother.

Wouldn’t go near him

This!

It would depend. They could have left him. Or it could have been just falling out of love with each other. Essentially it’s just two long term relationships that have ended. I’ve had more long term relationships than that. I could have had children with any one of them.

Is he on amicable terms with his exes? Does he describe either of them as ‘crazy’? Is he a good father? And I don’t mean a Disney dad who pays the bare minimum and expects a ‘babysitting’ medal if he has them an extra day. Is he genuinely interested in his children and their lives? Does he know the names of his children’s friends? Does he know the names of their teachers? Does he have rules or does he let them run wild?

Your man sounds like a massive twat. It wouldn’t just be the number of ex partners with children that would put me off.

ETA I didn’t read the OP properly and missed the ages of the children. That would need to come with a very good explanation indeed.

To be fair , it could be either of those reasons, absolutely impossible to say when don’t know circumstances involved…

I think it takes a certain type of person to leave a woman shortly after she has your first child and is at her most vulnerable.

Sure it's a life changing event, but anyone decent would stick it out a while longer & try to get the relationship back on track.

Once can happen anyone. Twice is a sign that they learnt absolutely nothing from first time around or they wouldn't have repeated all the same mistakes.

Why didn’t he use contraception?

To be honest I don’t really know. I’m Facebook friends with him and see him around occasionally to say hi.

He does post a lot of stuff about his kids. Nothing bad about his exes.

I just couldn’t help wonder if he was still the same selfish baby. He’d always post stuff about his exes cooking for him/making his packed lunches. About how amazing they are for putting up with his mood swings.

Always made me think he was still the same. You got the impression his latest girlfriends were looking after his kids quite a lot.

Yes it would be a red flag for me because of the ages of his kids. A break up with young kids is in my experience often because the dad is so useless it’s easier to be on your own or because he has decided family life is too hard and checked out. I’m also deeply suspicious of anyone who regularly posts about how their kids are their world.

I have a friend who got pregnant by a guy who had already had three young children by two different women. I told my friend that if she got pregnant, he’d be gone, because from what she’d told me, he was someone who couldn’t cope with babies and small children. Suffice to say he disappeared soon after and she was left to bring up her DC on her own.

This
And even if he wasn't, unless he's the unluckiest guy ever and has been widowed twice, 5 kids 2 exes is going to be a complicated life of organising 2 sets of children who need time with him and time with their mum's, and probably either love each other and desperately want to be at dad's at the same time, or desperately don't because they hate each other's guts!

I’m also deeply suspicious of anyone who regularly posts about how their kids are their world Me too. They’re supposed to be your world. You don’t get points for loving them. That’s an absolute basic. All a bit Peter Andre for my taste.

🚩Are all that I can see after reading your posts he should come with a flashing one on his forehead to warn his next potential victim.