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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What thing would help people's mental health

184 replies

PassingStranger · 16/07/2025 16:53

Just wondered, when people say, they didn't get the help they need, or needed for their mental health.
What does this actually mean?

Does it mean, there's a lack of affordable professional help available.
People have to wait too long for help, there's no help???
I'm interested in this, what would help people?
What missing?
What do people need.
I've heard the expression didn't get the help they needed, so what is that?

OP posts:
BabyP1um · 16/07/2025 18:21

TheKeatingFive · 16/07/2025 18:15

Agree with this

Literally none of that is going to cure or make much in road to my kids’ CPTSD, autism, adhd,ocd, EUPD, suicidal idealisation, self harm and Anorexia.

BlueJuniper94 · 16/07/2025 18:21

R0ckandHardPlace · 16/07/2025 16:55

To be honest a lot of mental health help isn’t really up to much, even when it’s accessible or private.

I think the greatest help would be to examine why there’s a mental health crisis in the first place.

Why do you think there is a mental health crisis?

Aspanielstolemysanity · 16/07/2025 18:21

I think right now cost of living is having a huge impact.
Sort that and a fair slice of issues would go away.

BabyP1um · 16/07/2025 18:24

R0ckandHardPlace · 16/07/2025 16:55

To be honest a lot of mental health help isn’t really up to much, even when it’s accessible or private.

I think the greatest help would be to examine why there’s a mental health crisis in the first place.

What a ridiculous thing to say. The right mental health does help- massively. And suggesting that everybody with mental health difficulties are the same with the same experiences, struggles, genes, bodies and illnesses is just silly.

AndSoFinally · 16/07/2025 18:24

What is your role? You said you ask patients what they want and don’t like the response when they suggest things but also don’t like the response when they don’t know. The phrase can’t win seems to come to mind.Personally having 3 children let down massively by the NHS causing huge harm I’d say I want professionals who actually know what they’re doing,are properly qualified, informed and experienced,who are informed re ND and don’t rely on patients to do their job for them. All the above seem to be sadly lacking.

Psychiatrist. You'd probably hate me

BungleWasBrill · 16/07/2025 18:24

MiraculousLadybug · 16/07/2025 17:42

Oh and no, no amount of "making changes" or engaging with limp useless halfarsed "support" people who ask "what help do you want" (code for: We don't actually have any help so we'll turn it around and make you play a guessing game as to what we actually offer) will ever fix it when I'm in the depths of psychosis, but still some MH "professionals" believe it's my fault for not doing their shitty breathing exercises or whatever instead of just one of those things where I just need to wait for the meds to work and be looked after and stopped from offing myself in the meantime and once it's sorted I'll be back to business as usual and fully functional. No apparently I didn't do enough breathing or "help myself". 🤣

Edited

So much this!

Fresh-faced people in their first job asking, in a "caring" voice", "Have you heard of mindfulness?" I am experiencing a lot of emotional distress, I have not just landed from Mars.

It's the voice that gets me. As a result of having two inadequate and neglectful parents (who were very charming to folk on the outside, including the medical profession) I have experienced a lot of depression in my life. A lot of sadness and upset. I am not going to crack if someone speaks to me at a normal volume!

wizzywig · 16/07/2025 18:25

Full sick pay for longer

CinnamonCinnabar · 16/07/2025 18:28

Ban alcohol advertising and ramp up taxes on alcohol. Improve substance misuse services and target the big drug gangs. A significant percentage of serious mental health problems are caused by or worsened by alcohol and street drugs.

BabyP1um · 16/07/2025 18:28

In the case of my kids undiagnosed autism and adhd lead to MH struggles that weren’t treated properly/at all which then turned into serious mental illnesses combined with CPTSd from incidents due to the zero / incorrect treatment, support and diagnosis.

Not treating/ diagnosing mental illness does not make it go away , it makes it worse.

BabyP1um · 16/07/2025 18:30

AndSoFinally · 16/07/2025 18:24

What is your role? You said you ask patients what they want and don’t like the response when they suggest things but also don’t like the response when they don’t know. The phrase can’t win seems to come to mind.Personally having 3 children let down massively by the NHS causing huge harm I’d say I want professionals who actually know what they’re doing,are properly qualified, informed and experienced,who are informed re ND and don’t rely on patients to do their job for them. All the above seem to be sadly lacking.

Psychiatrist. You'd probably hate me

If you’re a shit one( and you don’t sound great) yes. Within the NHS the shit psychiatrists are well known to other professionals, MDT teams and patients. We’ve come across them but also amazing life changing psychiatrists.

So I’d say good quality professionals are key.

AndSoFinally · 16/07/2025 18:31

Yeah I've heard people on MN who are so-called MH professionals say this before. It's appalling victim-blaming and lack of insight that people with MH problems can't dig themselves out of the hole, that's literally why they were referred to you.

I agree, some people really will never get out of the hole they've dug. Or they might, but they'll go right on to dig another one

It's not their fault, but there does need to be some acceptance of that as a reality on their part, and not just a knee jerk reaction to blame the mental health professionals who are trying to help for their lack of progress

You can give all the therapies in the world but there really is no way to force someone to engage if they don't want to. And the sad reality is that there's a whole queue of people behind them who do want help and will engage. When treatments are rationed by default due to the stretch on services, it's really tough to justify the resource for someone who doesn't seem to want the help available

It's a horrible truth that no one really wants to face, but it's happening all the time

BungleWasBrill · 16/07/2025 18:33

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 16/07/2025 17:49

Cash to do what though? As op said, what’s lacking?

what would a cash injection pay for?

Cash could pay for more staff. Mental health services are grossly understaffed, both in hospitals and in the community. With the result that the staff they do have are overworked and under a lot of stress themselves.

Cash could also pay for better professional development. The number of mental health professionals, for example, who appear to know virtually zilch about autism. (I'm mentioning autism because that affects two people in my own family, but I suspect it's not the only thing that MH professionals need to learn more about.)

Money doesn't solve everything, obviously.

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/07/2025 18:41

I agree, some people really will never get out of the hole they've dug. Or they might, but they'll go right on to dig another one
It's not their fault, but there does need to be some acceptance of that as a reality on their part, and not just a knee jerk reaction to blame the mental health professionals who are trying to help for their lack of progress

I wonder how that conversation might go?

“I know you have enduring depression which is why you’ve finally been referred to psychiatry. I’m not blaming you but you do keep digging your own holes here - if you could just engage with the robo-therapy CBT programme (again) while I increase your meds (again) and get out in nature more that would be great. You don’t want another round of CBT? Well I can’t help you if you won’t engage”

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/07/2025 18:42

Whichroadtogodown · 16/07/2025 17:06

This may sound naive but I believe what would help people is if they felt connected socially.
So many people have no support network and it has an enormous effect on their mental health. Some people find when they have mental health problems, their friends fall by the wayside, and they rapidly find themselves incredibly isolated.
I heard the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, it's connection.
Loneliness is soul destroying and has such a detrimental effect on a person's mental health.

Agree and I don't think any of this is helped by the post-COVID fetishisation of "introversion" and the pathologisation of normal human emotions which leads people to avoid anything vaguely socially uncomfortable.

So many threads and posters on here betray a real neurosis about contact with other human beings which is profoundly unhealthy.

Brits have always been reserved and reticent but it used to be accepted that some social contact was normal and healthy. A lot of people, aided and abetted by social media, seem to embrace the idea where real human contact is best avoided and rush into self-validating echo chambers where they find other "like-minded" people.

Human contact isn't always easy and sometimes its downright irritating but its a fairly effective antidote to loneliness, radicalisation and the rabbit holes which so many of us seem to have jumped down.

None of this will help with serious clinical depression or major depressive disorders and I don't want to minimise these: there's a huge mental health crisis which just going to the pub or taking up hobbies won't alleviate.

But I think we've slightly lost the ability to help ourselves through community interaction.

BungleWasBrill · 16/07/2025 18:43

coxesorangepippin · 16/07/2025 17:52

Fewer screens
More human interaction
Outside more in nature
Real food

None of those things are bad.

But lots of people experiencing mental health issues need a hell of a lot more than just fewer screens and more exposure to nature.

Unfortunately, "mental health" nowadays is used so loosely and lazily that it has led to a whole load of misunderstandings. Being nervous before an exam is not a mental health issue, neither is feeling sad after a bereavement or a break-up. Those things are part and parcel of being human. (Normal anxiety/sadness can sometimes develop into a mental health issue. When the person's everyday functioning is seriously impaired.)

GreenShimmers · 16/07/2025 18:48

Face to face support tailored to the specific mental health condition, not over the phone and generic.
More information out there about why mental health problems can be a disability, and acceptance that sometimes people can't work or can only work part time and may need accommodations.

SkeletonBatsflyatnight · 16/07/2025 18:54

for those who say I had no support, there is limited resources, but it helps to access the right something if you know what your problem / ask is
and the power of self efficacy-
addressing our own
sleep, diet, activities, exercise.
practising breathing properly when we are in overwhelm,
using emotion regulation skills
Problem solving life stressors
making changes where we can
there is sometimes a disconnect between people’s expectations of wanting to feel better but not doing the things that would facilitate feeling better

But that's really hard when people are struggling. On a good day, I easily eat healthily and get outside for exercise. On a bad day, I struggle to get out of bed. The thought of cooking or going for a run are so far down the list of things I'm capable of achieving. Eating and drinking are the first things to go when I'm in a negative spiral. My parents would punish me by withholding food and drink as a child and now I do it to myself.

I've done countless child protection courses and I know on some surface level that my childhood was abusive but it hits me every time like it's brand new. Articulating what's actually wrong when faced with a stranger is really hard. It took me multiple psychiatrist appointments before I stopped lying to both of us. With therapy, it took weeks for me to feel comfortable. I was lucky in getting weeks, most people I know would have run out of time before they actually opened up.

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 16/07/2025 18:56

I think the information is out there with numerous books and on line info tackling all sorts of mental health issues but the main problem is actually putting supposed solutions into practice/action. Maybe if there were groups like AA set up around the country, but for mental health issues, it might help?

BruFord · 16/07/2025 19:06

Too many therapists have done a relatively short, shallow qualification and just don’t have the breadth of knowledge they need.

I completely agree @Jellycatspyjamas. We’re in the US where it’s easier to access help ( presumably because you pay them directly, they often don’t take insurance) but we had exactly the situation that you describe when DD and DS needed help with anxiety. DS’s counselor was great, he gave him techniques and tool to help manage the anxiety. After some months, DS said that he felt much better and hasn’t needed counselling since.

DD saw a counselor in the same practice
( she preferred to see a woman) who was very nice, but just listened and empathized. DD became frustrated at the lack of tools and as this was after DS’s experience, we knew that it wasn’t good enough. I don’t think it was the counselor’s fault exactly, she wasn’t as well-qualified.

DD now sees someone else who’s much better apparently.

neverbeenskiing · 16/07/2025 19:07

There are so many elements to this.

Through my work I come across a lot of people who struggle to access NHS Mental Health services for many reasons.

They are told they can't have therapy until they've stopped drinking to excess or taking drugs, but the reason they're drinking to excess or taking drugs is because they've been self-medicating for low mood, childhood trauma or anxiety. So they're signposted to AA but the religious element and the potential awkwardness/social anxiety of group support is alienating to some people and it also doesn't address the Mental Health reasons why they became dependent in the first place.

I've worked with people who have had to turn down therapy on the NHS because they couldn't take time off work without disclosing the reason to their employer and they felt they would lose their job, be treated differently or not be supported if they spoke about their Mental Health. I've also worked with single parents who couldn't attend appointments due to having no childcare or because they have caring responsibilities for an adult partner or family member and no one to cover.

There might be cultural barriers, stigma or lack of understanding on the part of Mental Health professionals about the persons specific ethnic and cultural background and how this impacts on their experience of emotional distress. There are some communities where it is still widely believed that Mental health problems do not exist, or where talking to anyone outside of your own family about problems is very much discouraged.

Staffing and resource is a massive issue. I worked with a child who was open to the Mental Health crisis team for intensive 'home treatment' as there were no hospital beds available. They were visited by a different MH clinician every time so they never got to trust or build a rapport with any of them. The people I work with who are open to Adult MH services experience frequent change of workers, temp agency workers, workers go on long term sick with stress etc. Having to tell your story over and over, getting to like and trust someone then they disappear and are replaced by another stranger, can be really difficult.

Having to navigate the endless beaurocracy of the system is also pretty soul destroying. Being bounced around between different services and teams, endless form filling and phone calls, then when you finally get to see someone for an assessment after waiting months or even years they tell you they're not the right service for you so you need to go back to your GP and ask for a new referral, to be placed on another waitng list and no one properly explains who does what and what is the difference between all these teams and services...it's enough to drive you mad on its own.

To be honest, I've also worked with people who have had wildly unrealistic expectations of what "help" for their Mental Health looks like, so then they inevitably feel let down by what is actually available. Some people also don't understand that the act of 'going to therapy', as in turning up every week and sitting in the room for 50 minutes, is unlikely to lead to meaningful change on it's own. You generally have to put the strategies into practice outside of your sessions, not just talk about them. Some people don't want to do that, or don't feel able to do that. Some people also seem to pin all their hopes on therapy but then aren't willing, ready or able to make other changes in their life, work or relationships to address the root cause of their issues, so they blame the therapy or the therapist when they don't feel any better.

AndSoFinally · 16/07/2025 19:13

If you’re a shit one( and you don’t sound great) yes. Within the NHS the shit psychiatrists are well known to other professionals, MDT teams and patients. We’ve come across them but also amazing life changing psychiatrists.

I'm actually phenomenally good. 20 years I've been qualified and never had a single patient suicide. Not many psychiatrists can say that

But I'm tired and starting to suffer from compassion fatigue, definitely. It's a very difficult job, and more and more general shit-life syndrome has become the role of psychiatrists over the course of my career

I have all the time in the world for serious mental illness, and paradoxically it's actually at the easier end of the treatment scale because it's so well described and so prescriptive

It's the other stuff, the mixed anxiety and depression (which isn't really even a diagnosis, it's a catch-all label for people who aren't really psychologically well, but don't really have something you can clearly diagnose). I can't do much for people who just make bad decisions, except try to help them make better ones, which is impossible if they won't sign up. This never used to be something I would find on my patient list, but now it's every second or third person.

I don't have the answers but something somewhere is going very wrong

Jamjams · 16/07/2025 19:14

Years ago it wasn't referred to as 'mental health' no, it was called having 'nerves', having a nervous breakdown, people in mental hospital were called maniacs and mad and crazy.

NegroniMacaroni · 16/07/2025 19:14

The NHS mental health system is totally broken. Highly recommend "You Don't Have to Be Mad to Work Here" by Benji Waterhouse - his account of the system from the inside.

Jamjams · 16/07/2025 19:17

Here's one. Don't tell patients who have had a lifetime of trauma and abuse and misunderstanding due to undiagnosed autism to 'try smiling when you're angry'.
And this was from secondary mental health care.

ItsameLuigi · 16/07/2025 19:27

For me personally I didn't get the help I needed because my mum neglected me. She saw my cuts on my arms, knew I was depressed and refused to take me to a Dr or to get any help because she saw it as a reflection on her parenting (which it was but it was also my own mh issues lol). Now I'm on meds and feel better ish (mostly because I'm NC with my mum)