I have a friend who lives for her late teen and young adult dc, who to be fair doesn’t post on Facebook or any form of social media, so perhaps this should be for another thread. but when our chat turns to our dc, as it inevitably does, she spends a lot of time telling me how marvellous, exceptional, intelligent, kind, brilliant, sensitive (and every other positive epithet you can think of) her offspring are, and by default, what a strong and exceptionally close bond she has with them.
Obviously I understand that she loves her dc deeply, as we all do, but the endless praising of her offspring borders on boasting and doesn’t come across as quite balanced, when she is in all other areas, an eminently balanced person. I really like her actually, and her dc, and she’s a very dedicated mother, and I know it comes from a place of love, so I wouldn’t dream of reacting in any way other than interested and engaged, But in private, and now on here, I do wonder what goes through the mind of someone as intelligent as she is? Does she really think that her adult dc are superior in some way to other adult dc? Or that her bond with them as a mother is somehow on a more profound level? Is she trying to make me feel inferior?
I would have liked to have shared a few difficulties about living with teens, but if I hinted very lightly that I was struggling with one aspect of parenting, nothing heavy just the usual stuff like mugs collecting in their bedrooms for example, she couldn’t ever admit to her dc doing anything wrong!
I think I have a more realistic view of my adult dc, I love them with all of my heart, but I certainly don’t think of them as saints in training! But does she think that because I don’t go around declaring how wonderful my dc are every five minutes, that I somehow don’t love mine as much?
It does bother me because I was brought up in an era where I was taught not to boast about anything, even your children, and also you can see a sort of car crash happening in front of your eyes when perhaps in future her sons won’t welcome that level of intensity of involvement and devotion any longer, and there is going to be such heartache in it for her, Her holidays and activities are all designed around them. And I can also see huge potential difficulties ahead with girlfriends and partners. I hope I’m wrong!
(In my experience, when there is huge pressure for late teen or adult dc to go on holiday with you, or to come home at certain specified family times, then it can have the opposite effect.)
More recently though, I saw some psychologist bod on You Tube saying that if you want to really know someone and their inner life, then look at what they are most anxious to let you know about! So maybe she is insecure really? She honestly seems the opposite of that and I don’t think that l people are always so calculating are they?
Who knows? What it boils down to is that I just don’t understand the mindset where you feel the need to boast so much about your dc! And when I am on the receiving end, I never know quite how to respond to it either!