To tell my manager I feel invisible?

[Perimenoanti]

I don't think I am but wanted to ask anyway. I have had my annual review with my manager and she's always like 'all is well, you are doing great, thank you'. But any issues that came up during the year and are still not resolved get ignored. I get the sense she doesn't want to address anything ever. Always between chairs and never taking a clear position.

So I have had issues with a coworker who's difficult to engage with, slow worker, no feedback ever sticks. I'm senior to her, but have no formal authority. I am supposed to work with her, mentor her etc. but it has been impossible as she's totally resistant. It makes my work quite difficult and I feel demotivated by her slacking and ignoring me a lot of the time. I flagged this with my manager a long time ago and have been ignored for just as long. More recently things came a bit to a head and my manager was forced to address a few issues, but the problem remains.

So in my review I told her that I felt my concerns weren't being taken seriously and I felt the issue has not been dealt with adequately. I also mentioned how I try not to let it affect my morale, but it is hard because I see the low standard that's being accepted from others so why put in 100% if it obviously doesn't matter. I just feel demotivated.

I know my manager won't change. I have had her for too long. But I needed to express this rather than brush it under the carpet for another year.

YANBU

How did she respond when you raised your concerns?

Look for a new role. It sounds like your management are not interested in their staff feedback and only want to keep the status quo

@Pickone embarrassed/understanding, but all will be forgotten soon.

@Londonlassy I get paid shitloads. If anything I might look for a new role internally, but the job market, even the internal one, is not great right now. She won't change, but I also often don't express myself well or at all so just wanted to know if this is something people say in annual reviews. Even though nothing will change it will help me put in place some boundaries and be less of a mug.

Well, don't let it be 'forgotten', surely, while you look around for a new job? Raise it again in a couple of weeks and ask what's being done with the issues you raised in your annual review.

You have a weak and inactive manager. If you want to stay in the job, you will need to manage up in very specific ways. So while it's good to air your concerns, I'm not sure with someone like her it will help you much. You may be better to give her specific requests and suggestions. So rather than "I'm demotivated because Marjorie slacks and doesn't listen to me" which leaves it open for her to resolve (which she can't or won't!) I'd go with "can we set some clear targets for Marjorie and then I can report back and you can decide what to do next if there's still a problem?" For example.

@LostSunglasses @5128gap It doesn't work with her. It's very weird. I often think to myself that this is like a dysfunctional family. I'm apparently doing my job well, but when I try to train my colleague the same way and she then resists and I raise it with my boss my boss behaves as if whatever I do is not all neccessary. I have tried all this and over the years I have realised I make both look better than they are.

My strategy is now to just let the issue slide. I stopped informally managing this coworker, which is why some shit hit the fan and my boss was forced to address a few things. If this continues, she'll be forced to do this again, again and again or if she doesn't she'll come up as a bit of a red flag to her seniors. Other departments have now certainly noticed that this coworker does not cooperate well. If I manage up and sideways about this they'll both look much better than they deserve. My boss is also very good at forgetting some things, so if this coworker will do one thing well then praises will be sung but there will be no word about who trained them and managed up for them to get there or all the other shit that went wrong. I'm not doing this anymore.

I only manage up now for things that benefit me or directly impact my work as it's very exhausting.

I know it is not a supportive and nourishing environment, but my boss also leaves me alone, I get paid well and have a lot of flexibility. I couldn't get paid the same elsewhere.

I'm apparently doing my job well, but when I try to train my colleague the same way and she then resists and I raise it with my boss my boss behaves as if whatever I do is not all neccessary.

If it's 'not necessary', then say you want your role to be formally redefined so that training and managing this colleague is removed from your job description.

Your problem sounds as if you've colluded in making yourself longterm 'invisible' to an extent, in that you've silently done things to cover up both your colleague and your manager's underperformance, and, as a result, no one knows. It's 'invisible' work. I think you need to be far firmer and more assertive about the situation. Your manager is clearly only going to act at all if not acting is made more difficult for her than acting to rectify the situation. At the moment, there are no consequences for her not acting.

Can you escalate the issue above your manager?

@LostSunglasses You are spot on, I have certainly colluded by keeping my hopes up, doubting myself and not speaking up enough, even though I have been quite vocal already. I know my boss is intimidated by my directness, but that's because she's at the opposite end of the spectrum. But I also accept I cannot change her. This is who she is and no amount of managing up is going to change this. This person is stonewalling and 'not available'. What you suggest only works with people who are open and she is not.

So all I can do is decide what I am going to say or do or not say or do and so that's what I am trying to get better at. This isn't going to change how she manages, this is just for my own benefit.

And yes, she'll only act if it becomes her problem, which it now has. And it has become her problem not because I kept nagging her but because I simply dropped the informal managing of my coworker.

No, it's not even my issue as the coworker does not report to me. I once went above my managers head about my salary. I'm not going to do it for this.

Actually, I feel it's not fair to say I have been colluding. I have mentioned issues to my boss multiple times. A normal person or effective manager would have picked up on this, asked questions and observe. I shouldn't be required to think of strategies or run a whole program on how to get my manager to take me seriously. I could have said something more often or I could have become angry, but I can't make anyone do anything.

My manager asked me to mentor this coworker. When it wasn't working I raised it with my manager, repeatedly, who did nothing. This went on for maybe a year. No, it's not fair to say I have been colluding. It's not like I volunteered for something nobody asked me to and I didn't tell anyone about it but expected praise. No. I was given a task and I tried to do it. It took time to figure out it wasn't going to work and my manager wasn't going to support me (or my coworker) through issues. I gave it a fair shot. That's all.

Just putting it out there for other women who think they are at fault for things they are not. This is on my manager. She failed to manage and it's not my doing.

Hi manager,

I would like an update on my previous concern regarding X and how to mitigate the issues raised on (provide dates).
Please let me know if there's anything I need to do to help this progress.
Shall I escalate to our general manager?
Thank you

Good luck 😂Mine will ignore something like that. You all talk from a perspective that a person will eventually act if prompted enough. This person will NOT.

Then take it higher🤔