to never look for anybody new and to accept I will probably be single for ever??

[SingleYummyMummy]

I am not unattractive but I am in my late 30s and I do have two young children and no money! I seem to be happy as I am, and I don't walk around thinking about being single. I don't feel different from my married friends, although I suppose they probably think I am a little different from them.

I tend not to envy my friends their husbands, I envy them their lovely houses more!

I couldn't face dating. If I couldn't find the right man when I was in my twenties and had no children then I can't see it happening now. All those raised hopes and disastrous dates. Men wanting just sex, maybe worse falling for somebody who rejected you. Eurgh.

Have I got it right? Or am I shutting myself down a bit to think like that? Other single mums seem to actively seeking somebody new.

Should I at least make the effort to look for somebody? Will I regret it when I'm fifty if I didn't bother to look? I sometimes think it'd be nice to share this or that and have a laugh with somebody and support eachother.... but then I look on the relationships board and I feel SMUG I'm not putting up with any nonsense.

I enjoy my own company but I do occassionally get lonely, not very often tbh. I like eating what I want to eat when I want to eat it and watching what I like on tv and reading in bed.

Am I missing something, being very oolish? Just being lazy with no long term 'game'. I mean, in a perfect World, I would like to be married.

I'm just interested to know what everybody thinks. The Lone Parents board has got me thinking.

I don't think yabu, if it is what you really want.

If you are only doing it because you think you may not find anyone, then that is a bit different.

Personally, I found looking for a new man made me miserable and so I have decided not to bother anymore. I feel alot happier since I made that desicion.

i loved being a single mum. didnt want anyone else. then dh came along and now i am married. i honestly think it was easier being a single mum but i want him in my life so here he is. i dont think its foolish to be happy with your life. but never say never!

I'm happily single too (and was long before I had DS and hope to remain so for the rest of my days. I like sex now and again and have fuckbuddies but I have never been very keen on couplehood). Couplehood is not compulsory and there is nothing worse (for you or your DC) than putting up with some useless lazy shitbag or violent arsehole just so you can say you have A Man IN Your Life.

If you don't want a partner, don't bother looking for one. You may change your mind, you may not, but don't ever, ever make major life changes you don't fancy just because of other people's opinions - or what you think other people might think. Most people have enough to worry about in their own lives, and if you are surrounded by dumb herd animals who can't stop bleating at anyone who's not quite like them, find some new friends.

Thanks girls. Another thing that has got me thinking... last Saturday I went out with 4 school friends. Of the five of us there, only one is married! I am a single Mum (divorced last summer) and one of them has a child with a married man. Two are single and have never married. But apart from the married girl of course, the dating stories and sexploits were coming thick and fast. I think they are all expecting me to have something to tell them next time we meet up!! I won't do anything just to entertain my old school friends, but obviously they are a kind of barometre. People will be expecting me to date and wondering why I can't be bothered.

If I say "I can't be bothered" will they think I am bitter?

It is partly laziness!! But is that not a pretty good reason??

ditto what chamaeleon said!

i found actively seeking a new partner when i was a single mum attracted the 'wrong' sort anyway

just tell them you havent met any one up to your standards yet!

Just tell them you are happy as you are.

If they think that is odd, that is their problem not yours.

I think there's something pretty unattractive about people who are feverishly on the search for somebody - they're less likely to find someone, imo.

(Like the obligatory "We are two 14yo girls who are desperate for boyfriends" letter on teen magazine problem pages - yes, because "desperate" is such an attractive quality in anybody)

If you're happy in your own skin - that's very attractive. You will therefore either remain happy and single, or happen across somebody else whose company you enjoy and things will develop naturally and at their own pace accordingly. I don't think that's foolish at all.

MadameZ, I think society is so geared towards coupledom, and that bothers me more than being alone ever could actually.

These friends haven't pressured me to joint dating agencies or anything like that (yet!) and I will tell them to drop the subject if I have to! They are funny and just like to tell a good yarn over a bottle of wine, so we won't fall out over it!

If you are happy and your children are happy, then surely you are doing something right. You've been there, done that... have the children to prove it. I don't see anything wrong with you wanting to remain single for the foreseeable future.
Sometimes - so I'm told - the perfect partner comes along without you needing to make any effort. Not sure I believe it mind... I'm in my early 30's and I'm single, and I'm happy.

I'm a childcare worker, not a parent. I don't have any children of my own, so am a bit of an outsider on here. One day my perfect partner may come along, or I may adopt or foster.

it would prob. be of some comfort to know that if you wished to end your singledom, you could. Do you go to places where you can meet like-minded people?? Do you remember to 'make an effort' when going out, or does it seem too much of a chore amongst all of the other things you have to do??
Yes it is such a turn of if you come across as being desperate but there is a balance to be struck, and a certain confidence in knowing you are taking some kind of risk, but can absorb disappointment.

I was always happy being single on paper and 'avin' it large i.e if i wanted company for the night and finding it on offer . . . . (I know flame me all you like. What I never wanted anything long term. I liked things on my own terms at my own pace. Then I met Dh and had the girls. It changed everything. I certainly wasn't looking. If anything ever happened to Dh I wouldn;t want anyone else and would be a single mom. So no you are not being Unreasonable in not wanting to look for anything else. But don't rule it out and ignore the possibilty. Life is a strange old thing.

I feel exactly like you SYM so of course YANBU

Oh, 'society' is geared towards the majority of stupid people doing what they are told: don't worry about that. and if you start thinking that there is something wrong about being free single then have a quick skim of all the relationship threads, read about all the cocklodgers, con-artists and predators out there and think yourself lucky

I think there is a big difference between actively chosing to shut yourself off from experiencing something because you are hurt, angry etc and simply not being that bothered.

I think the former could be dangerous but if you are happy in your own skin and comfortable with your life then it sounds like you should just carry on.

I totally agree that society is very geared towards couples and I still believe that if you can find someone great who loves and respects you, that is a fabulous way to live - but its not the ONLY way.

I think some people in happy relationships (or maybe not so happy?) can be very smug and its difficult sometimes to not let that get to you, but its definitely better to be alone than badly accompanied.

'Oh, 'society' is geared towards the majority of stupid people doing what they are told'

that just about sums it up!

when i was a single mum i used to go to a PND suport group,and the horror stories i heard about other women's dp/h's there used to make me glad i was single.
i always tend to think the overly-smug 'my hubby is soooo lovely and i trust him 100%' types are trying to convince themselves they are happy myself.