I'll try to keep this short. My brother very recently met someone who lives abroad. She has children she can't leave so it was decided he would move there. To live and work in her country they need to get married. This is happening next week and they only met 6 months ago. He has given up his job and put his house on the market and is currently living in her house. They both have kids from previous relationships; he has left his in England.
She hasn't come to visit my parents once - I know it hasn't been very long but they have travelled about a fair bit in that time, so it seems they could have arranged a visit, especially as they're getting married. I also haven't met her. My parents and I are in Scotland and his kids are in England so though she's been here to meet his children it was too awkward to tie a visit in with one to my parents or me. She was supposed to visit my parents with him last month but in the end he came alone (she had a last minute meeting come up, no one mentioned if she could have rescheduled this). We were supposed to be going to their wedding but they have decided now to do a small registry office wedding and because her family can't go she doesn't want any family to come, though my parents offered to go.
On top of this my mum offered them a family wedding ring which my brother took when he visited. She didn't hear anything about it for almost a week, so asked if they liked it. She got a vague answer and wondered if perhaps they felt obligated to take it. So she sent the gf a message saying you don't have to have it, I won't mind. Somehow this got misconstrued as a controlling thing and when I contacted my brother to ask about it, he spewed all this stuff about our mother being controlling and expecting things in return if she helps him. He has leaned on her a lot the last few years as he's been single and struggling with divorce, coparenting and not liking his job. My mum is always there for him, my dad too. They always worry about him and were initially really happy for him to have met someone. So for him to start coming out with all this stuff was shocking. I said we were all hurt we hadn't met her yet and there's no plan to meet either before next year when they say they will do a celebration. (the plan for this keeps changing so I'm dubious) and he was vague about that.
The gf has issues with her own mother and my brother said she was reminded of her behaviour and this triggered her. I am sympathetic to that but she doesn't even know us. He is currently not talking to any of us and we are just baffled by the whole thing. It feels like any time we reach out she will twist it into something negative. It feels like he is being controlled by her and my mum is worried he feels he can't escape, because he's given up his life. I think she needs to step back for a bit because every time she reaches out it seems to be twisted into something controlling. She has said she will always be there for him. What more can we do?