In 2022 i sponsored a Ukrainian family (Mum and three kids) who lived with me for a year and now live locally. I’m still very close to them and see them a couple of times a week, babysit, take the children on days out, and they come every week for tea.
They’ve never been back to Ukraine since the war started, but Mum is missing her family desperately and has booked tickets to go back next week for a visit with the children. She is nervous, but so excited to be seeing her Mum again. I’ve never seen her this happy.
The problem is that the middle child (boy 13) Max (not real name) really doesn’t want to go. After Saturdays attacks on Western Ukraine he is petrified. They’re from central Ukraine and their city was badly bombed before they fled, so there’s a lot of trauma there. He has been messaging me for the past few days and it’s breaking my heart. He keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to die. Since he arrived he has had bad OCD, can’t stay in a room with the door closed, and displayed loads of other safety-seeking behaviours.
I’ve spoken to Mum but she’s obviously so attached to the excitement of seeing her family that she’s not thinking straight. She has been very dismissive of Max’s fears and just says “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay. You’ll be fine once we’re there”.
They’re planning on staying with family in the countryside so it won’t be as dangerous as the city, but they’ll be travelling via cities. I can’t get her to see that it doesn’t matter if it’s safe or not - the issue is Max’s trauma and being honest, we can’t promise him that he’ll be safe.
I’ve told him that nobody can force him to get on the plane, and he’s welcome to stay with us while the others go. I feel like I’m massively overstepping making this offer but I can’t sit back and watch him being coerced into this trip home. I’m getting nowhere. Where do I go from here?