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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think something is off about handling of will...

19 replies

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 05:20

FIL called tonight - he is worried and tbh, whilst some of the things he is worried about I think he has misunderstood, I fear he may have a point.

His sibling died in May - he understood there to be a will, with a solicitor, and was told by two other more distant, but more local (and also more mobile and capable, he is in his 80s!) family members that they'd had POA and were executors of the will and would deal with everything. (I am not actually clear if they ARE executors of a will or were simply told they would be, or in fact were told nothing of the sort and think that prior POA gives them the legal right to deal with everything).

He had been told (And I have pointed out that people say a lot about what they've put in a will but its not smart to believe it until you see it!) by his sibling that he'd be left a chunk, as would my DP, with the house being split between two other people.

He has not been shown the will. He has asked, they have refused/fudged. Not only that, he has an email and a mobile number for one of this couple, no address, they refused to give it.

I can find no reference to a will or probate being applied for - of course this does not mean there isn't one, but its rather odd that the two 'in charge' have not mentioned it and are fudging the 'can we see the will' question.

He has a bee in his bonnet that they've said they want to deal with the estate themselves without a solicitor - in FIL experience, this is something you get a sol. to do and he finds this very dodgy - I actually don't particularly, I dealt with my own mothers estate/affairs.

He is obviously quite worried or he wouldn't have rung us (and to be honest, it was me he wanted, not DP!).

AIBU to think something smells iffy here? It's been almost 11 weeks!

So far I have:

Asked him NOT to send a rather incendiary and incorrect email to them with thinly veiled accusations, all based on them wanting to deal with the will/estate themselves.

Advised he call round solicitors local to his brother to find if there is a will lodged with one of them (he knows the one his sibling used to use, which is the most likely one).

Wait until we have further information before making any waves.

Is there anything else he should do immediately - or that I can do for him. He is verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry autistic and gets rather stressed about this sort of thing!

I do suspect if they are up to no good, he needs to act quickly - unfortunately geographically he is a long way from where his siblings house is (and we're even further).

Equally they may be doing nothing dodgy at all, just sorting out the epic mess left behind and dealing with a lot of stress as a result!

OP posts:
Daffydoll · 16/07/2025 05:31

I believe you can put in a standing search for probate which will automatically inform you when probate is granted. When probate is granted then you will find out details of the will and executor. It is harder to contest the will at this stage but can still be done I believe

Applepearpeaches · 16/07/2025 06:18

The very fact that the supposed Executors of the Will aren't being very forthcoming sounds suspicious to me, if you have nothing to hide then you hide nothing.

What's happened to the contents of the house? Is anyone staying there? Could you perhaps travel to the house and maybe get more answers? There could be details of where your FIL's Will is, or he could've made a more recent home made Will which might be in the house still.
It reads to me as if your FIL and DH were due to receive money from savings, whilst the house was split between others, and it's possible that the reason the Executors are not being upfront is because they've been accessing the savings for themselves.

I think it's best to contact all Solicitors as you've suggested, although I'm not sure if they'll even tell you if they hold a Will in your FIL"s name. At some point though, if probate is applied for , the WILL can be downloaded online for you to see.

AnSolas · 16/07/2025 06:24

Probate can be done without a solicitor but the sale of land / a house can not.

Tbh if he is the type to get wound up I would take over now and have you or DH do the legwork.

There is a history / backstory / prior drama going on if they dont want to show a copy of will amd DFIL needs to explain that is and why he suspects foul play.

Contraryjane · 16/07/2025 06:58

Power of Attorney stops at death. The fact they held it is of no relevance now.

SabrinaThwaite · 16/07/2025 07:13

11 weeks is quite a short time frame for much to have been done (assuming you’re in the UK). The executors will need to prepare the IHT forms and submit them to HMRC, which then sends a code within 20 working days to allow them to then apply for probate, which can take a couple of weeks if submitted electronically or many more weeks if submitted on paper. Preparing the IHT forms can take a while, there can be a lot of information to track down.

Once probate is granted, the will becomes a public document and you can apply for a copy.

This link explains the rights of a beneficiary:

www.clough-willis.co.uk/news-events/what-are-beneficiaries-of-an-estate-entitled-to-know#:~:text=What%20are%20the%20most%20common,legal%20obligation%20to%20do%20so.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 12:25

Contraryjane · 16/07/2025 06:58

Power of Attorney stops at death. The fact they held it is of no relevance now.

Yes, I was aware of this though FIL was a bit fuzzy on it and they seem to have made a big deal about having had POA, I wondered if they were trying to pull the wool over his eyes a bit.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 12:26

SabrinaThwaite · 16/07/2025 07:13

11 weeks is quite a short time frame for much to have been done (assuming you’re in the UK). The executors will need to prepare the IHT forms and submit them to HMRC, which then sends a code within 20 working days to allow them to then apply for probate, which can take a couple of weeks if submitted electronically or many more weeks if submitted on paper. Preparing the IHT forms can take a while, there can be a lot of information to track down.

Once probate is granted, the will becomes a public document and you can apply for a copy.

This link explains the rights of a beneficiary:

www.clough-willis.co.uk/news-events/what-are-beneficiaries-of-an-estate-entitled-to-know#:~:text=What%20are%20the%20most%20common,legal%20obligation%20to%20do%20so.

Thanks, I didn't have a clue how long it might take - I think we got Mothers in 10 weeks but this was 20+ years ago!

OP posts:
MadCatandBirdLady · 16/07/2025 12:32

Applied for probate this year and it took about 2 weeks once they had all the right documents .

DashboardConfession · 16/07/2025 12:40

Are these randomers claiming to be executors the 2 beneficiaries of the house?

ExtraOnions · 16/07/2025 12:43

Someone needs to talk to the Executors, who isn’t easily confused or mislead.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 12:50

DashboardConfession · 16/07/2025 12:40

Are these randomers claiming to be executors the 2 beneficiaries of the house?

Mm - one is, the house is to be split between her and another lady - FIL has spoken to her, she also hasn't seen the will and is bemused and slightly concerned.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 16/07/2025 12:50

Whenever I read that someone has died and they were being looked after by carers with POA - coupled with an unwillingness to share the details of the will - my first thought is that they’re up to no good.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 12:53

It is hard not to be triggered into suspicion...

However equally, they could just be rather quiet awkward sorts who have somewhere got the idea that using a solicitor to sort it all out is beyond their means/a sure fire way to lose all the money to the solicitor, and haven't a flaming clue that by refusing/not showing people the will makes them look deeply dodgy!

OP posts:
KitsyWitsy · 16/07/2025 13:01

There’s no reason not to show the will. That’s dodgy. I am executor of my dad’s will and was happy to show anyone. No need to use a solicitor though at all. The process is simple.

Menier · 16/07/2025 13:03

Sorry due to my own experience I’d be very suspicious, I’d also act very quickly. If they did previously have POA they may well have been up to no good for a while.

DashboardConfession · 16/07/2025 13:05

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2025 12:50

Mm - one is, the house is to be split between her and another lady - FIL has spoken to her, she also hasn't seen the will and is bemused and slightly concerned.

I see. That was my reason for asking - if there was someone else due to inherit who he could team up with.

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/07/2025 04:23

No real news thus far:

Solicitors called - they'll get back to us as to whether they have the will (they certainly used to, and an updated version) and whether the executors have notified them of the death.

According to the bemused other beneficiary, apparently there are delays because the (thus far self proclaimed) executors 'don't know how to get a valuation done on the property for the probate application'.

Which concerns me as obviously, how on earth is that difficult - but also makes me think they may simply be incompetent rather than up to no good.

Though it is also possible they're incompetent AND up to no good!

FIL has also said he thinks he asked to see a copy of the will fairly early on, over the phone and they fudged around a bit, and he hasn't asked since. So the next step, really regardless of whether the solicitor has anything, is to ask in writing I think.

Does anyone know if it is possible to find out if someone had given POA to someone else, once the donor is dead. Are records kept or are they gone once the donor dies?

On the plus side, FIL is feeling much relieved that there is a plan and he's not alone on this and I have got him to accept that there is a really good chance these folk are just inept/clueless rather than active wrong 'uns!

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 17/07/2025 04:44

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/07/2025 04:23

No real news thus far:

Solicitors called - they'll get back to us as to whether they have the will (they certainly used to, and an updated version) and whether the executors have notified them of the death.

According to the bemused other beneficiary, apparently there are delays because the (thus far self proclaimed) executors 'don't know how to get a valuation done on the property for the probate application'.

Which concerns me as obviously, how on earth is that difficult - but also makes me think they may simply be incompetent rather than up to no good.

Though it is also possible they're incompetent AND up to no good!

FIL has also said he thinks he asked to see a copy of the will fairly early on, over the phone and they fudged around a bit, and he hasn't asked since. So the next step, really regardless of whether the solicitor has anything, is to ask in writing I think.

Does anyone know if it is possible to find out if someone had given POA to someone else, once the donor is dead. Are records kept or are they gone once the donor dies?

On the plus side, FIL is feeling much relieved that there is a plan and he's not alone on this and I have got him to accept that there is a really good chance these folk are just inept/clueless rather than active wrong 'uns!

You need to contact the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG) who maintains registers of LPA, EPA and court orders. You fill in a free form (Opg100) which can look across these.

The executors under probate are also on public record and you use the ‘search probate and find a will’ service on gov.uk and get a copy for a few quid.

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