Talking to 5 yo about body consent issues

[Amy8]

How do you talk about body safety with a 5-year-old without making them (or others) uncomfortable?

I recently found out a cousin of mine (abroad) was sexually abused by another cousin a few years older. She’s spoken out and is in counselling now, and I fully support her—but it’s shaken me. I’ve become really nervous about who I can trust around my daughter, especially as so many stats say children are hurt by people close to them.

I’ve started having clear body safety conversations with my 5-year-old—e.g. “no one should see you or touch your private parts unless it’s mummy/daddy helping with washing, and only if you need help,” etc. She now repeats it back which I know is a good thing, but I’m worried she might blurt it out to relatives—like uncles or grandparents—and it’ll sound like I’m accusing them or being weirdly overprotective.

I don’t want to raise her in fear, but I also can’t ignore the risks. How do you teach this stuff in a calm, empowering way? And how do you balance protecting them without creating awkwardness or suspicion?

Would love to hear how others have handled this.

should I calm down?

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22751322475&gclid=Cj0KCQjw-NfDBhDyARIsAD-ILeB5JpdDERLFx7tRZpB631RYMTQ-w_rWrKvX3CttuCMINIPo3k2NNSoaAvnUEALw_wcB

Pantasaurus is a good start

it’ll sound like I’m accusing them or being weirdly overprotective

If that's what they take from it, then I'd be even more glad I taught my child boundaries!

Definitely Pantosaurus!

My 5yo loves the pantsosaurus video.
We also talk about good secrets / bad secrets. Any secret that makes them feel sad is a bad secret and they need to tell a grown up they trust about bad secrets

Nspcc pants - online, age appropriate.

thank you so much

I would add to this, as young children can struggle with the concept of secrets.

It's OK to keep a happy secret that makes you feel good.

Of you're not sure whether a secret is OK to keep, check with an adult that you trust. Which adults could you ask? (Eg is it OK to keep daddy's secret about mummy's birthday surprise? Could ask a teacher or grandparent.)

And, really importantly, listen and accept any secrets a child talks to you about. No laughing at or diminishing any disclosures that don't need to be secret. Equally, no anger at or punishment for any disclosures of things that the d should not have done. The child needs to feel that they will be safe if they make a disclosure to you.

At school we use pantosaurus.
We also talk about safe touch and respecting others - if someone asks for a hug then we can say no. Stop is a safe word. (This is usually relating to some children wanting to hug/kiss their friends at school - we say kissing is for family only, not in school. You can ask a friend if they would like a hug but if they say no it must be respected).