My Husband gives me the ick

[Mariah24]

We’ve been together for 12 years and married for 7. We have 2 children age 4 & 7. I’m 43 years old now and know I’m def Peri and have been for a year or two.

I’ve started doing a lot more for myself, and going a bit more. I feel like I’m having a bit of a midlife crisis and obviously getting very close to menopause.

I just don’t like my Husband anymore, he gives me the ick, everything he does annoys me! I don’t know what to do. I’ve read women go like this at my age and lots destroy their marriage.

I just can’t see a way forward with him, but scared of moving on. What if it is my hormones etc and I ruin everything for us all.

Please share your experiences, thank you.

Sorry you’re feeling this way, OP.

Marriage is a hard old slog sometimes. Sometimes the only thing that keeps you going is ‘commitment’ itself.

Having been with my husband for nearly 40 years I can tell you that marriages go in phases and cycles. I even got as far as sitting through an appointment with a divorce lawyer at one point but thought better of it. I’m very glad I did - we’re completely fine now.

He’s not perfect, our marriage is not perfect - but I don’t think anyone’s is.

If peri- is looming up on you, casting its shadow in various areas, would you perhaps consider a low dose of transdermal hrt? I started HRT in my late forties and have never looked back.

No comments. Other than to say I feel the exact same as you!!

I think it's probably perimenopause!
I'm now probably post menopausal and tbh I often wish I lived alone. My dh is a good, decent man, but some days I just don't want him near me. I have to make a conscious effort to be pleasant! BUT I know it's me not him! I'm just not tolerant of ..well anything!

Understand. Got rid of mine 6 years sgo. Bliss. Cannot imagine living with a man now.

I know the feeling op but I'd be checking if it's that he's constantly giving you the ick or is any particular time of month? I can go from fawning over my dh one night to searching right move for 1 bed flats the very next day. It's hard because on the off days you're convinced that's the "real" feeling you have but I personally know that it's the hormones (I'm well into peri) which is helpful as I can predict almost to the day when I'm going to hate him each month.

Only thing I would say is he deserves to know this. As much as you may not like him just now. Does he feel that? Does he constantly feel hated? Neglected. Maybe it can be sorted by talking about it. Maybe you would both be happier elsewhere

As the first poster said, long term relationships have their ups and downs naturally. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, we’ve had great years, ok years and strained years. It’s normal.

Was there a trigger for the ick? How long have you felt like this?

From what you’ve said, this actually sounds like a you problem, rather than him.

Your kids are young and would benefit from a solid family life, what are your thoughts around the impact on them?

Yes, in all likelihood it is peri making you feel this way. Every change in our bodies is a rollercoaster of hormonal fluctuation, mood swings, feeling irritated, less patient, not keen to have sex etc which can manifest as being turned off by your husband. I am not sure if I'm peri yet, but have the intense feeling of wishing I was the only living being, excluding plants/trees/water/flowers, on this planet. Even my beloved cat annoys me at certain points and I adore him. It is worth seeing your dr, there is hrt, antidepresseants, dietry changes, unless you are allergic, but soy foods can help reduce symptoms, no smoking, moderate alcohol intake and exercise can all help. Don't destroy your marriage with 2 very young children to raise when this honestly sounds like peri symptoms. Make an appointment with your gp.

Do you feel attracted to other men, OP?

Yes perfectly normal. You need to speak to him. I am very open about all my struggles with my husband while I go through this. He says it honestly helps him the other side.
sometimes I want to strangle him and other times he gives me the same feeling as u. I suggest u go to ur doctor or nurse and ask for some advice. If u never felt like this before it probably is peri.

Thanks for the comments guys.

I’ve put in a request at the doctors for some bloods I’m definitely not against taking HRT, though my mum couldn’t take it. So really hoping I can.

I just feel so lost and hate feeling like this.

He’s a great guy and a good dad. He’s not controlling or anything, lets me do what I want to a certain extent, I have girls holidays etc, though I do find he’s a little too laid back in some places which really annoys me!

My last relationship ended after around 13 years, I just felt similar to what I do now. It’s like I just get fed up eventually off all the little things!

I don’t want to throw my marriage away but I feel as though that’s mainly for the kids.

I’m not sexually attracted to him at all anymore though I do find other men attractive. (Wouldn’t act on it).

I’m just scared of what’s to come, I’m not being very nice to him at the moment and he can definitely feel that. Part of me thinks it would be better for him if I left him, as he might be happier. He tells me he loves me but I sort of just mumble it back.

I’m gonna try and get some help and maybe if things haven’t changed by end of the year it’s more than just my hormones.

I honestly don’t know.

I think women reach this age and realise they went got lost in the chaos of looking after men and children

Your feelings are very valid but using the term ‘ick’ is juvenile in my book. ☹️

@Pottedpalmbut “the ick” perfectly describes the feeling of revulsion…

I could have written this myself and I'm of a similar age, so thanks for sharing.
I've started regular exercise and just started taking HRT. I think the only answer is to keep working on yourself.
It's heightened around my period. But I'm hoping its just a phase and it will pass.