Am I the rebound?

[Lavenderbluex]

Been with current boyfriend for a few months. Looking back I think he has lovebombed me.
Both have dc. I am almost 10 years younger and have been divorced for 3 years, he has been separated for 1 year and they live separately.

This is my first relationship with a fellow single parent and it seemed to be going great. I do have trust issues so I’m not sure if I’m being daft or if my gut is correct.

I don’t have him on fb (have him on instagram). However he keeps coming up in my suggested friends. I had a look at his profile and it’s on public. There’s loads of photos of him and his ex (last published ones from one year ago). Their wedding photos are also pinned at the top of his profile.

I found it strange as I archived all of the photos of myself and XH when we separated so they weren’t on display but didn't say anything. I understand people would want to keep memories.

I put it to the back of my mind until it was my birthday recently. He commented how his ex had seen the wrapped up present he got me when collecting their dc and got upset thinking it was for her upcoming birthday. To me, if you were expecting your ex to come into your home, you wouldn't have a present for your current girlfriend on display unless you wanted to cause some kind of jealousy/reaction.

I’ve now got a gut feeling that I’m a rebound. I should add neither have initiated a divorce yet. I know this isn’t rare but as soon as me and XH separated, we began divorce proceedings. At first I admired his co parenting relationship with his ex but now I’m wondering if there is more at play.

Any advice greatly appreciated!

@AlertCat so sorry to hear about your ex! Well yesterday he was extremely apologetic and said I had it all wrong. I could tell something was still up so sent him a message today ending it properly and wishing him the best.

He admitted his ‘head has been messed’ since she got back in touch as he didn’t think she wanted anything more and that he needed time to think. What pissed me off the most was that he asked me not to block him as he didn’t want to fully stop talking to me. Obviously so he can have a potential shag if it doesn’t work out with the ex. 😒

Just feel so upset. I had my suspicions and they were correct. I don’t know why the hell he’s used me for months (well I do). Thought I had finally met someone I got along with so well but it’s just all been lies. 😔I think he’s used me to make her jealous and was hoping she’d come back.

All you can do is celebrate yourself for following your gut instincts. So many of us don’t! You’re more likely to meet someone (if that’s what you want) because you’re not wasting your time with people who are wasting yours. Good luck!

@AlertCat Thanks so much! At least I only wasted months and not years. Going to order myself a takeaway tonight to cheer up. Have a great weekend!

OP , I’m sure he wasn’t using you either though , you didn’t imagine that ye clicked for 12 months !
It’s just from what you say now , he’s still hung up on the Ex ..
Shame , Exs are Exs for a reason, & you mentioned her screaming down the phone, & she’s with someone else !! !, walk away time for those 2 to be fair , but you don’t want to be thrown into the middle of it either obviously…🤷🏻‍♀️
Hope you manage to enjoy your weekend x

If anything, this is the red flag.

Nevermind, just read update. Sorry, he was an arse, OP.

i admire you so much OP. Exactly the same thing happened to me except I stuck around and I’m now 18 months in, still being the rebound and completely lost my self asteem. One day I hope to have it together enough to sort it out.

Thanks so much! Hope you’re all have a wonderful weekend too 😊 We were only together 3 months so very new relationship, they had been seperated 12 months prior.

I was stupid to fall so quickly. I really need to be single for the time being and work on my boundaries! I had a weekend away booked with him in a few weeksand paid half. Doubt I will see the money again and wouldn't be surprised if he took the ex instead! But no point in dwelling on it xx

I’m so sorry to hear @Fancyteacup . It’s bloody awful isn’t it. Hope you’re manage to get out of there soon. 😫❤My self esteem was taking a tumble aswell as the ex is stunning. I just didn’t see the point in competing with her when he has that much history and a dc. I got the feeling if she ever clicked her fingers he would go shooting back.
Just hope I never bump into them as we live really close 😖

Gosh what a similar situation to myself, we also live very closely and I’m forever avoiding local events etc that I suspect she will be at. I wish you all the very best xxx

Thanks so much, you to! It’s awful isn’t it! He literally lives a few streets from me and I’ve bumped into him quite a few times when we were together on the bus or the local shops. Especially now it’s the summer holidays, feel like I could easily bump into them at the park or beach with the dc as it’s a tiny town. 😫Will have to go out with my makeup on just incase haha (kidding).
Feel free to pm me if you ever wanna chat. I don’t have any friends who have been in similar situations! Xx

Well done OP, you sound wise.

Absolutely ask for him to transfer the money you paid, why not?

He's caused this.
If he has an ounce of decency, he will do it.

Keep listening to that gut of yours👏👏👏

Thank you @Pizzagirly!

He said he would send the money yesterday but he doesn’t have my bank details so doubt that will happen, unless he posts it through the letterbox which is highly unlikely.

Stupidly, I blocked him on social media and wiped all the messages/deleted his number so I didn’t get tempted to message him in the future. Wish I hadn’t now so I could get my money back! It wasn’t a lot but it’s the principal and I saved up for it. Was so excited to get away as it was my childfree first night away in 5 years.😫xx

How does he talk about her? What's his side of the break up story? Is she a crazy person who emotionally abused him by any chance?

He talked about her well, didn't go into detail why they split just said they didn’t work out so I didn’t suspect anything. Just thought they were amicably co parenting.
But towards the end when I started suspecting things he started saying how she had mental health problems. I presume it’s all bollocks!

Blimey, I don't see red flags here unless there's more to it than you've said. Just ask him about the FB photos - if he's genuinely just not bothered to remove them it will be clear from his reaction. I met DH 6 months post separation for him from 1st wife. He rather love bombed me, looking back. He still had tons of wedding related stuff, not on display, but hadn't cleared it out. We talked about it and worked on our concerns and here we are 20 years later. He might not have a clue how you feel.

Ah sorry, hadn't read updates x

No worries! Glad it all worked out between you and your dh 😊xx