Aibu to think DS is being treated unfairly?

[Cogsworthy]

DS is 5 has a little group of friends at school. One them is a nice boy but has some behavioural issues at school (not at home, not when I’ve had him over, not when we go out places). This boy behaves very badly at school - kicking, hitting, punching, spitting, breaking things, shouting, etc.

Over the school year, there have been a few incidents with DS. These include DS being punched, DS having his items taken/thrown away/ destroyed, DS being spat at and being called names. The school has dealt with each incident when DS raises it (or when it’s seen or heard). Our only issue with the school on that was that there was never any apology or coming back together - this upset DS because we have taught him that if you recognise you did something wrong and hurt someone then you should apologise. DS is a bit of a stickler for rules so is confused that this doesn’t happen.

Anyway, yesterday, DS had his glasses taken and thrown over the school fence. He can’t see at all without his glasses, he has a very strong prescription, wears them 100% of the time and has had them since he was a baby. We got a message from his teacher informing us (after DS had informed us) so we know DS isn’t making this up or anything. The teacher said that she’s now “encouraging” DS to play with other children.

DS has come home today and said he’s upset because he wasn’t allowed to play with his normal friends (this boy and three other children) and was told to play with other children. I understand the idea to separate children sometimes and to encourage wide friendships but my issue is two-fold:

1. Four out of five of his group were playing together and only DS was separated. This means the child doing the hitting/spitting/breaking is still with the others (who I know also experience these same behaviours)
2. DS has now been separated from all his close friends when he’s done nothing wrong (and there’s no accusation he’s done anything wrong).

Is this something that I should raise? I have no issue with him making friends with everyone in his class - he is and they all get on well. He’s well liked in his class and in the other classes. I just don’t like that he’s been removed as if he’s the problem.

Anyone? :(

Are the boys picking on him and he doesn't realise? This is all I can think. Ask to speak to the teacher tomorrow maybe

Your poor DS. I don't think this is acceptable and I would speak to the school. As you say, your DS shouldn't be isolated from his friendship group due to the actions of 1 kid

Good luck, I hope it gets sorted

They're a nice group and all get on really well, aside from when this one boy does certain things. Outside of school they all get on beautifully. Yesterday, for example, when his glasses were thrown over, two of them took him by each hand to find a teacher to tell. There haven't been any incidents between DS and any other child, and there have been issues with the one boy and the others (as well as lots of other children at school).

I've not seen anything to indicate there's any problem with DS being bullied more widely.

So school are saying because this child is bullying your ds, the answer is ds is removed?
Sadly we has this too, my ds regularly assaulted by same child... school would say
"Oh mini Future needs to learn to move out of the way....needs to learn the triggers of X... needs to do what X wants..."
Total bollocks and pandering shit. It can't just be your ds who has to leave the group, other child should top.

Aww bless him. I think I'd want to have meeting with his teacher to talk it through in a bit more detail. I agree it doesn't seem fair that your DS is being separated from all his other friends. Perhaps the other friends join in on the unkind behaviour too?

Are you in England? The school year is almost over now so maybe a break over the summer will help and you can encourage some other friendships?

I’m not sure if I’d call it “bullying” him because it’s not targeted towards him. This boy will hit all the children, take things from all the children, etc. It’s obviously not ok and not pleasant but I do think the parents and school are trying.

But, yes, you’re right that the issue for me is that the class teacher has now just decided to segregate DS - which seems unfair. I do wonder if it’s because (because DS is closer friends with him) there have been several incidents there and they don’t want us to kick off about the repetition of these behaviours. But I don’t know.

Oh I crossed posts with your update about the other friends being fine. Definitely talk to the teacher and perhaps discuss a plan for next year.

Thank you. School breaks up on Thursday so not sure if there’s much time. We’ll be away for a lot of the summer (my mum is undergoing chemo so we’re going to stay at hers so I can look after her).

DS is quite self-aware and is very much a stickler for rules. In general, this group are very kind and polite. I think DS would notice if there was any unkindness from the others. Interestingly, this one boy is very kind and polite and supportive - then he just seems to lash out, hit someone and not really know why he’s done it.

Haha, I cross-posted with this 😂