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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sad about family life

5 replies

Idiot123 · 15/07/2025 19:26

Title doesn't explain much sorry, and I know some people are probably going to call me entitled but I just want to know if it's right for me to be a bit disappointed?
maybe a couple of times a year if that my mums side would get together either for birthdays, Christmas etc meals out it felt like we were all quite close. My parents then moved literally a 5 min drive to a village nearby saying that it would be cheaper so my mum could stop work (always been work shy, doesn't drive etc so I knew straight away she'd be asking for lifts all the time).
Il just add that my parents aren't even in their 60s yet.
Theyve made lots of new friends in their village and now me and my brother feel pushed out, if we ever go over on a weekend - they're constantly going out all the time with these friends (absolutely fine having friends lol life doesn't evolve around your adult children) but it feels like its since our families have grown, they make no effort to see our children (unless it's the birth of one). I can usually end up going to see mum with my children during the week as dad works, but I never get to see him there's no effort on their end at all. My brother rarely sees them as he doesn't drive and we can't all go in my car, they won't come to our houses.
She rarely sees her best friend of 50 years anymore because she spends her days off spending time with her grandchildren and having days out and my mum has said to me and pulled a face of disapproval that she spends time with them (not gonna lie, their set up it's like her children never have their own children) and her best friend has said it's odd to us that she doesn't spend much time with us anymore, she also still invites my mum out but my mum says no as soon as she finds out her grandchildren would be around).
The very odd time we might be able to get them out, they post photos of just the grandchildren and make out like they're looking after them and spend so much time with them when it's all a show.
I work predominantly with women, and a lot of them. The older ones always seem to be doing family stuff with their children/grandchildren and the younger mums seem pretty involved with their parents and doing family things with them still.
il admit, I'm sad my parents don't seem to want that kind of relationship anymore. Am i expecting too much?
can i please reiterate before i get a load of abuse- I don't expect them to have no life, just maybe show a bit more interest? I can't imagine my children growing up and having their own babies and me and my husband rarely seeing them

OP posts:
Fimofriend · 15/07/2025 21:24

It must be very hurtful. I don't have any advice but you have my sympathy.

bumblecoach · 15/07/2025 21:57

Mine does the performative stuff for FB it’s hurtful you have my sympathy

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 22:01

What about if you plan something specific like going out for a meal or a day at the zoo. When you try to see them now is it quite last minute or unplanned ?

Idiot123 · 16/07/2025 07:36

quicklywick · 15/07/2025 22:01

What about if you plan something specific like going out for a meal or a day at the zoo. When you try to see them now is it quite last minute or unplanned ?

Not really unplanned. For her birthday we had a meal out planned in the afternoon and 2 days before my dad messaged asking to change it to lunch time or another week because her friends organised a 'surprise' party, we had our meal booked for over 2 months and went to a place she wanted to go. We couldn't change the time as it was booked out, they basically ate and rushed off because of their priorities.

OP posts:
Suecee15 · 22/09/2025 06:42

Utter madness. When the chips are down they will find that Fair weather friends dont weather storms!...

Anyone who has gone through a traumatic time will confirm the fact that you only find your True Friend When you Truly Need a Friend.

My son is a people magnet, like the pied piper, they all call him their friend, but during his Worst time 99% fell away.

I told him years ago, if you go to your death bed having 3 TRUE FRIENDS, you are a very fortunate soul.
The majority of our friends are merely regular acquaintances.
A Friend is someone you can simply Not See for years and when you come together again, its like the years between never happened.
We have 1. Our lives, raising kids, working and the rest pulled us apart for 40 years, just xmas cards sent and always loving best wishes.
One night he turned up at the door, do you remember me?
Massive explosion of love, laughter and bonhomie, like we were 20 again!
You dont have to live in the pocket of a true friend. They always have your back, even when you arent there.

Cancelling family for acquaintances is the biggest fool thing ever.

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