Ex experimenting with drugs on DS

[Mangosmoothie66]

Name change and AIBU for the traffic.

Background: DS18 about to start Y13 and really struggling on the academic side, has just dropped biology and now relying on DT (which he loves), and Geography, which he really struggles with and did not do at GCSE. Previous Ed Psyc report reports slow processing and dyslexia. He has had SEN help, scribe etc. He lives with me during term, but ExW takes him away during holidays. ExW lives now in Barbados in a family property and does not have a serious job.

Ex is convinced he has ADD and wants him on Elvanse, which I understand in an amphetamine. For the past few months she is also taking Elvanse, and has been experimenting on DS with her own supply, which shocked me.

She has recently had DS undertake an online assessment with Berkeley, and she texted me DS has been prescribed Elvanse, with a list of things he cannot eat or drink. I have not seen the report.

DS is easily led, and will go along with anything she says. For example she gifted him colonic irrigation on his 16 birthday. She comes from an extremely wealthy family. She is controlling and used to getting her own way. Apart from the Elvanse she has no background of drug use to my knowledge. That said, she has a love of the freewheeling life, dream catchers, VW camper covered in flower stickers, desert drums, Ibiza retreats, Live Laugh Love signs everywhere etc.

I’m terrified that DS is being steamrollered into taking medication containing amphetamine that has some potentially serious side effects, may damage his health, or may prevent future career options.

Am I over reacting?

Omfg what have I just read, you nee to get him away from these people.

Dangerous. He needs his heart checking before he takes this, and monitoring for other health impacts. That and he doesn’t have a diagnosis. Bonkers

If he has ADHD he could benefit from Elvanse, but he needs a formal diagnosis and a doctor to prescribe it and monitor him.

Many people with ADHD find medication helpful. Maybe request to see the report and have a discussion with your ds. Discuss the need for appropriate diagnosis, evaluation and monitoring. Do consider though whether this might be an explanation for some of his difficulties. Do you think he would be able to have an open discussion with you about how it makes him feel? If he does have ADD would that change your view of him taking the medication? Are you sure it has just been prescribed online?

Well you have worded it very dramatically. Im guessing mum has adhd and takes elvanse for it. No she shouldn't have given dc her medication however I don't think its unreasonable with accomadations your dc has to consider that he might have adhd. Often with Co morbid conditions the only way to see if meds help is to try them. You say he has been prescribed so he must have done some form of assessment

Dc will need BP monitoring but unless there is a family history of heart problems they dont do ecg before prescibing

it needs to be properly prescribed to him via the correct route, which means being properly assessed first. Post assessment, if he is diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD then great, a prescription would help your son, although it may take many months and reviews for a consultant to get to the correct dose. In the U.K. it is a controlled drug due to street value. It has the opposite effect on people with ADHD or ADD,

Theres nothing wrong with being alternative, although I understand it’s not your everyone’s taste. Best be respectful despite the differences.

Lastly if you think the prescription was not gained properly and your child is taking strong medication without proper overview, than this is a safeguarding issue.

Elvanse is a controlled drug and a complete bastard to get hold of for the first time, even if you’ve been taking it for several years in another country. So, regardless of whether or not you have a prescription from Berkeley, you would need to do through a prescription process (probably private) in the UK before you could have it. And as PP have said, your heart / BP / weight need monitoring.

Your son might have inattentive ADHD. If he does, medication can be life-changing. You obviously don’t approve of your ex and I agree she’s behaved irresponsibly on this. But since your DS has taken it, it might be worth having a chat to him about how the Elvanse made him feel. If his response is “clear-headed, I wrote myself a massive to-do list and cleaned my room” there might be something worth looking into.

Elvanse is amphetamine based but it is a prodrug - it has to be processed by the liver before it is accessible by the body and for this reason it is not possible to abuse it and use it to get high. However it is still a controlled substance in most countries. I don't know about Barbados but certainly in the UK.

It is illegal and potentially dangerous for her to give him her own medication but if he is taking it with a legal prescription of his own following an assessment of his suitability for it, then it's fine. I don't know what "an online assessment with Berkeley" means - is this in the UK or Barbados? I assume it is a private online provider.

Since he's 18 I would assume your only real course of action would be to contact the police about the fact she has illegally distributed this controlled substance. Whether that would achieve anything useful I don't know.

Lisdexamfetamine is a schedule 2 controlled drug in the UK and is subject to legal prescription requirements.

Your DS would need proof of a medical diagnosis and currently there is a 7-8 month wait for titration onto ADHD medication in the UK.

What your ex is doing is incredibly dangerous. ADHD meds require a lot of pre-treatment checks and ongoing monitoring. If she’s wealthy, why doesn’t she pay for him to have a proper private consultation in the UK?

You sound very judgemental of your exes life. Nothing wrong with liking dreamcatchers and camper vans. And what does your reference to her not having a “serious job” meant to mean?

Given your DS is struggling academically and he already has a diagnosis of dyslexia (and presumably other indications of ADHD) plus his mother has ADHD, and ADHD is highly heritable. it doesn’t seem unreasonable to suggest an ADHD assessment might be helpful.

I agree she probably shouldn’t have given him her medication,, but it’s not a street drug, so she may have thought trying it might be helpful, if that was a bit misguided. However it sounds like she’s subsequently done the right thing and got a proper assessment and his own prescription.

Elvanse is a type of amphetamine but there a huge difference between ADHD meds and speed or methamphetamine. They are nowhere near as strong for one thing, and ADHD meds used for ADHD are not addictive. Plus you don’t have the issues of not knowing what you are taking/street drugs being cut with other substances with ADHD meds.

The way you have referred to an “online assessment” is misleading also. You are making it sound as if he just did a questionnaire and was then sent a prescription. Any ADHD assessment would have involved detailed questionnaires and a diagnostic interview. The interview can be in person or over zoom or similar.

Far from damaging his health and future prospects, being diagnosed and treated for ADHD is likely to improve his prospects and future health outcomes. Untreated ADHD is associated with significant negative health and other outcomes so much so that it impacts your life expectancy.

So yes you are overreacting and being dramatic and judgemental. You need to take a step back, do some research on ADHD and medications and put your DS wellbeing ahead of your judgements about your exes life, and your misconceptions about ADHD and its treatment.

@MyLov I think you need to educate yourself about ADHD drugs before you post such uninformed stuff online. ADHD prescribing is highly regulated for a reason. Patients require pre-treatment and ongoing pulse and BP monitoring, as well as an ECG before even being able to start the meds. Do you think doctors do this for fun? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe, it's dangerous to take these drugs without checking there are no contraindications first?

Well your title and post is extremely overdramatic.

Elvanse is a very effective drug for ADHD. Getting your hysteria out of the way, the likelihood is that if mum has it, son probably also does.

What tends to happen is one person ends up being assessed/realising they very clearly have neurodivergence of some kind (ADHD and autism being the most common) and with their new knowledge they know the signs and realise that X, Y and Z family members clearly also do too. It’s not (usually) the case that people just start informally diagnosing randoms for the hell of it, it’s because they now know that all the traits someone has displayed for years actually all point to these conditions.

My husband realised he had ADHD after child 1 was diagnosed (how we didn’t realise before, with hindsight I have no idea!). It’s one of those things that you don’t know until you know. Child 2 was also subsequently diagnosed.

She shouldn’t be sharing her Elvanse however it only actually works on ADHD anyway. It is, in our experience, a miracle
drug. It quietens the ADHD mind just enough to let them focus on things they actually need to, without compromising on their personality. Try engaging with her and asking why she thinks he has ADHD. The chances are that the signs have always been there but you wouldn’t have known what they were. They’re not usually what people picture (child bouncing off the walls etc).

It is very unlikely that she’s just making this up. Nothing at all to gain from it.

No ECG is needed for ADHD drugs.
BP and pulse and also height and weight (to make sure there is no weight loss, as a side effect is commonly appetite reduction).

ECG is needed for anti psychotic type meds.

DS1 has ADHD and absolutely did not have an ECG prior to starting on meds. He does however have regular height, weight and BP checks, especially as also has another condition which affects his kidneys.
But obviously ADHD meds are controlled drugs and are locked away in the pharmacy. When we pick them up we have to show ID.

Very grateful for the informative replies.

Eh?

I was prescribed ADHD meds in the UK and definitely didn't have an ECG! There was no "pre treatment monitoring" either.

And while they took my BP, the whole thing wasn't the big deal you make it sound!

I’m terrified that DS is being steamrollered into taking medication containing amphetamine that has some potentially serious side effects, may damage his health, or may prevent future career options

Firstly if he does have ADHD (No longer called ADD) then being unmedicated can have some huge health effects.
People with unmedicated ADHD have a much shorter life expectancy than NT’s they also have a predisposition to certain long term health issues.

I am sure there are careers that a diagnosis would prevent him from doing but usually these jobs aren’t a huge loss to someone with ADHD

Whilst this woman should never have given your child any of her medication, I get the feeling that you don’t like this woman because she has such a different life to you

I would be doing your own research into ADHD and pursuing a NHS diagnosis

Ultimately it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are, whether you live in Barbados or Bradford, if you have ADHD the experiences and thoughts you have are pretty much the same.