Can perimenopause make someone act petty? Or am I being unfair?

[isitPeri1]

I am very close to my cousin (she is 43) and she told me she is going through perimenopause. The thing is, over the past few months she has been acting completely different, almost like she has had a personality transplant.

She has become really irritable, snappy and frankly just mean sometimes. She makes unpleasant or passive-aggressive comments, has randomly deleted me off Facebook and Instagram and she left a group chat we have been in for years with mutual friends without any explanation.

I have tried gently bringing it up a couple of times, just to ask if she is okay or if something is wrong, but she blows up at me or completely shuts me down. I feel like I cannot say anything without her getting angry.

At the same time, she still makes an effort in other ways. She buys thoughtful gifts for me, my husband, and our kids, and she does still try to stay in touch sometimes. It is confusing because she clearly still cares, but her behaviour is so up and down that I do not know where I stand.

It is hurtful because we used to be really close. I am trying not to take it personally but it is hard when she keeps doing things that feel spiteful or rejecting. I am wondering if perimenopause could be influencing her behaviour hormones, mental health, etc or if I am just making excuses for someone who maybe does not want to be close anymore.

AIBU to feel hurt? Or should I just try not to take it to heart?

I am wondering if perimenopause could be influencing her behaviour hormones, mental health, etc

Well yeah. That's what it does. It's impossible to say whether she is behaving like this because of menopause, or whether you have upset her in some way. It doesn't mean you have to tolerate her behaviour. Draw your own boundaries. During peri and menopause I felt like a lot of people and responsibilies could just fuck right off. I was prepared to say it, and I didn't blame them if they did..

Take a step back if she's raging. Leave her to it.

100% - I find myself coming close to getting into arguments with people over stupid shit quite often. I have zero patience anymore and some days feel like telling the world to “just fuck off”.

HOWEVER……. I am very much aware of this. I stop myself when I can and on the odd occasion I do feel like I’ve “acted up” I’ve apologised (to which people usually say they hadn’t noticed I was being mardy!)

As the pp says, yes it happens but you don’t have to put up with it and she needs to be more bloody self aware!!