Divorce - What to do after final order

[finallyitshappening]

My ex and I separated 2 years ago. My ex was incredibly abusive and controlling. I was in touch with women said towards the end of the relationship and they supported me to leave.

I didn't disclose this in the divorce as I thought it would make the divorce go quicker if I put 'non fault'. It didn't make it quicker by the way.

We had mediation with a mediator who wasn't great and seemed nervous of my ex. She spoke to me privately and said to me "give your ex whatever she wants to get rid of her". At the time I was desperate for it to end and I agreed to give my ex a payment of a few thousand pounds.

When we went through solicitors I noticed the payment wasn't on the documents. Because at the time I was so scared of my ex, I told her that she hadn't included the money on the document and to inform her solicitor. She said it was fine and didn't bother updated her solicitor to change it. I imagine she was assuming I'd still pay regardless because she knew I was scared of her.

Today the divorce has come through with no mention of this few grand I'm to pay her.

My ex has mentioned she's looking forward to getting this money from me.

What do I do?
We have a DC together so I see her regularly.
Should I just pay it?
I've had it saved in an account for the last 2 years waiting for this day to come.

..

Its not legally documented so no need to pay. If you are threatened, call the police.

I don’t understand why my ex didn’t amend it. I said to her straight away that it wasn’t included in the document. My solicitor said I shouldn’t have said anything. My ex didn’t ask her solicitor to change it.
but she keeps saying she’s looking forward to getting ‘her money’ so she’s fully expecting it.

Is the agreement for you to pay this money written down anywhere? If not then don't pay and if your ex gets nasty about it then inform the police. If it is written down then check with your solicitor before paying (and perhaps pay via the solicitor) and get your ex to write a receipt saying payment received.

However. Do you have the custody arrangements for the DC legally agreed? Get that sorted first.

Who were these “women” you were in touch with who “helped” you leave?

Is the money your negotiated financial settlement? Never seen a Divorce go through without one. Is it a fair amount considering the relationship ? For example, was you ex unable to work, due to providing childcare, and the money will be used towards a property for her and the child?

What’s the financial arrangement moving forwards?

@ExtraOnions come on, that’s clearly a typo. Women’s Aid. It’s a charitable organisation to help victims. Typo ran the s of women into the a of aid.

We had mediation with a mediator who wasn't great and seemed nervous of my ex. She spoke to me privately and said to me "give your ex whatever she wants to get rid of her".

I don't believe that a mediator would say that.

In my original post it’s supposed to say ‘womensaid’ but it autocorrected

Why on earth would I lie? That’s exactly what she said word for word.

To answer some questions ..

we are two women. I am the birth mum. We have shared custody. I paid for everything in the relationship.. mortgage, bills, holidays, cars etc.
she took money out of my account and transferred it somewhere as when we had to provide account details she said all her bank accounts were empty so the mediator said for me to pay her money as part of the divorce settlement.

it’s in the mediation notes but not the final agreement as her solicitor didn’t include it.

If she deliberately didn’t put the amount of money into the agreement and yet is still letting you know that she is expecting it, maybe she is testing to see whether or not she can still control you.

If there was no formal financial order in this case (which does seem unusual) there must at least have been a parenting plan of some sort agreed by the court.

Are you sure this is a professional mediator? What is your exact child arrangement? Why does your ex have no money? Pay half if you are ever asked for the money. Just saying bank account is empty means nothing! Have you accepted the mediation? Or would you go to court?

OK fair enough, sorry I missed where you said she "didn't seem great". It just seemed like a really stupid attitude to mediation, but then you've already said that.

The mediator didn’t ask us to show our bank statements which I was surprised about. She told us to just tell her the figure Of what was in each account. I was honest. But my ex said she didn’t have anything in her accounts. Even though she had literally drawn thousands out of one of my accounts only weeks before. My ex earns good money. She is in no way financially struggling at all

The mediator asked us what the childcare agreement was and my ex told her it was 50-50. I was happy for it to just be said verbally like that because A part of me hoped that she would just leave our lives to be honest with you.

She did say when I ended the relationship that she wanted nothing to do with our daughter and that she didn’t want to have contact with her again. And she actually didn’t have anything to do with her for around six weeks.
But then she said she did want to have contact with her and have her 50% of the time, but she didn’t want any financial responsibility for her.

we split the time through the week, however she does cancel quite often or she will change the childcare arrangements. It is frustrating when she does it, but I would rather my DC be with me more anyway.
The mediator asked if I could take financial responsibility to pay for nursery fees etc.
And I did agree to that.

the mediator was also previously a solicitor in her previous job

A part of me does wonder if this is just a way of seeing if she can still control me. Knowing that even if she doesn’t put it in the financial remedy order that I will still pay it anyway. If that’s what it’s called.