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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that holiday with baby is the same at being at home with baby, just more boring and more upsetting?

56 replies

BB36 · 15/07/2025 14:30

Beach resort with 10-months old, I’m in the apartment doing what I always do, prepping means, supervising naps etc. More boring than at home because we don’t have any baby classes to go to or other mums to meet; more annoying because I see the beach from my window and so wish I could go down there and swim. Plus STBExH leaves us in the morning and spends all day in the sea, playing beach volleyball etc

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 15/07/2025 15:05

Take the baby out. If you sit by the paddling pool other mums will come. Order food at restaurants and cafes. You sound so lonely and sad. Tell your partner and ask him to help.

4naans · 15/07/2025 15:09

Why aren't you both taking baby down to the beach and taking it in turns to swim? Take baby out in buggy to people watch.
We went on holiday with my parents and it was so much easier

Caspianberg · 15/07/2025 15:09

Yes I wouldn’t be cooking

Just go off places with baby and you. Pack a kindle or book. Find a nice cafe to relax if baby snoozing, feed baby crossiant, Fruit and bit of what you have off plate in a restaurant.

Look up what’s nearby that you can get to.

42wallabywaysydney · 15/07/2025 15:09

Why don’t you just leave STBExH with the baby, if he’s off on his own in the morning tell him he’s on afternoon shift and just leave. I assume he’s not such a crap parent that he won’t be capable of looking after the baby at all? Alternatively if it’s an option where you’re staying get a babysitter a couple of hours a day so you get a chance to go and chill in the beach/sun while babysitter watches baby in the room - I did this on a couple of holidays when DS was a baby and it made all the difference just to have a couple of hours to relax and enjoy the pool/beach, which let’s face it you can’t do with a baby. I absolutely loved travelling with my babies but it’s definitely same shit different place and nothing like pre kids travel obviously. You just need to figure out what can make your life as easy as possible while away and go with that, forget meal prep for a 10 month old for example, they won’t die on jars and pouches for a week plus bits of whatever you’re eating. Try to get them to nap outside if they will so you can enjoy the beach. 10 months is a tricky age too, I found overseas holidays easiest with below 6 months and then 18 months onwards, and from 2 it really improved.

TheBewleySisters · 15/07/2025 15:10

But why can't you take the baby out? You don't need to spend all the time in the apartment, surely? And you can have meals out too.

MumbleJumble123 · 15/07/2025 15:15

It’s more upsetting because it highlights how useless your STBXH is (without the excuses of work etc it’s obvious that he just doesn’t really help).

Going on holiday with a baby can be lovely although it depends on:

  • Who you go with (a helpful partner, friend or grandparent gives you a break, support and adult company- it doesn’t sound like your husband is doing this.
  • Where you go (choosing somewhere that makes life easier rather than harder). Anywhere really hot/sunny or cold/wet is unlikely to be enjoyable with a baby.
  • Your baby (some babies are fairly flexible and easy-going and will eat/nap anywhere. If your baby thrives on routine and needs complete silence and dark to nap then everyone might be happier if you wait a couple of years).
  • Your own expectations and flexibility (it’s going to be hard work and not the same as a holiday without kids. I love taking my baby and toddler away but my expectation is 20% magical memories, 10% leaving them with dad whilst I sunbathe alone for a bit, 60% same shit different place, 10% total nightmare- I’m happy to accept this ratio, but I totally understand why some people may not be 😂)
mizzzymozzy · 15/07/2025 15:19

Yep definitely your partner who is the problem.

Having said that, holidays with a baby are same shit, different location.

But if you and your partner were in it together, you’d share the load and babies are very portable. They sleep in the pram when you’re having alfresco dinner etc.

Sorry that you’ve got a useless partner. Would he change if you spoke to him?

In the meantime, I agree with the advice to go off with just your baby and you. Put them in the carrier and have a walk down the beach during naptime etc., or look on googlemaps for somewhere nearby you fancy seeing / food you want to eat.

TheLemonLemur · 15/07/2025 15:21

I'd get up tomorrow and tell him you are going out and its his turn to parent. Some men are so selfish and don't appreciate what it's like

Aria999 · 15/07/2025 15:23

Are you not taking the baby to the beach / swimming?

Coconutter24 · 15/07/2025 15:46

BB36 · 15/07/2025 14:43

He’s a soon-to-be ex who doesn’t know this yet. His behaviour on this holiday is just the same as usual and no surprise.

Show quote history

Why aren’t you telling him it’s your holiday as well and would also like some down time?
I also wouldn’t be stuck indoors meal prepping, make yourself some plans and take baby to the beach

TheNumberBlocks · 15/07/2025 15:48

Nope don’t agree but then baby groups sound like my idea of hell so I wouldn’t be doing that here anyway

Player62 · 15/07/2025 15:51

We’ve just come back from a beach holiday with a baby and a toddler. Was it relaxing? No. But it was enjoyable, we spent quality time together as a family, and DH and I had a couple of hours on the balcony in the evenings after the DC went to sleep. Plus no cleaning or cooking (AI is the way to go with small kids), which is something.

Your problem is your ex not sharing the load. Why is he there if not to help with the baby?

EsmeShelby · 15/07/2025 15:53

That was my experience with a baby. And my husband was pulling his weight.

takehimjolene · 15/07/2025 15:53

It's definitely your partner that's the problem, not the baby/holiday. We had some lovely holidays when our DC were small but a big part of that was the fact that we were all spending time together as a family without work/extended family etc distractions and all the childcare duties were shared.

I bet if/when OP tells her partner he is divorcing him, he tells his friends that he can't believe it and that they have just had such a relaxing holiday.

Caroparo52 · 15/07/2025 16:06

Can you swap with stbXH and go play beach volleyball?

RedToothBrush · 15/07/2025 16:08

You are on the wrong holiday.

You aren't making the most of where you are and the fact that babies are portable.

MumbleJumble123 · 15/07/2025 16:16

If you want to make the trip more enjoyable for you and STBXH isn’t prepared to help (and if you’re about to split it’s probably not worth the effort of trying to force him to on holiday- you’ll just have a row and even if you force him to then you’ll worry he’s not doing it properly). Then I did a trip alone with a baby at a similar age and things I found that helped were:

  • Finding a shop that sold pre-made, single portion, formula bottles/cartons. It makes going out for the day so much easier.
  • Finding a supermarket that sold baby food pouches, fruit, plain yogurt, and bread. At that age they get most of their calories/nutrition from milk so I was pretty relaxed about what they ate for a week or two (I usually prep everything myself at home so it was a nice break).
  • I’d go for an early morning or late evening stroll with the pram when it’s coolest. Then if baby fell asleep I’d stop in a cafe/bar for a coffee or drink (I’d take a book or my phone and read for a bit until he woke uk).
  • If you have a splash pool at your hotel then go and sit there- they tend to be shady and cool, and there are usually other parents around to chat to.
  • If baby will only nap in the room then is there a balcony or terrace? Your baby is safe in his cot and you’ll hear if he wakes up, but at least you can sit in the sun and relax. Same with evening meals, find a supermarket to get nice meat/cheese/fruit/bread/crisps/drinks etc or order room service and then sit on the balcony to have dinner (I found this was much easier than trying to take an over tired baby out for dinner).
  • If your baby is happy in the pushchair then is there anywhere nearby that’s nice to walk around (I liked just walking around towns/cities and popping into places if they interested me, or if it’s hot then museums and galleries are often air conditioned and botanical gardens are shady).

Your husband being a dick is obviously making it stressful and upsetting, but there can be nice bits on your own if you stop bothering with him.

BigFatLiar · 15/07/2025 16:33

When they were little I used to holiday alone. DH has never been enthused by travel so he was happy staying at home with the babies. He did on occasion take the girls for a few days to the seaside. It also had the benefit of I usually got to go with him when he decided to go away for a few days, usually in UK and doing things I also enjoyed.

zaxxon · 15/07/2025 16:43

Yup, even with a 100% supportive partner, it still sucks. All the baby stuff is more difficult, and you're surrounded by reminders of the good time you're not having.

Solidarity OP.

Original poster
BB36 · 15/07/2025 17:18

Thank you for the practical advice (and solidarity!), I think once I can holiday completely on my own with the baby it might actually be easier.

OP posts:
Original poster
BB36 · 15/07/2025 17:20

Caroparo52 · 15/07/2025 16:06

Can you swap with stbXH and go play beach volleyball?

I wish! He makes sure that I can’t by rushing out first thing in the morning and by weaponised incompetence…”baby can be in the sun for up to 2 hours, right?”, “just put him in his pram on the beach, I’ll keep an eye on him while swimming”

OP posts:
Original poster
BB36 · 15/07/2025 17:22

Aria999 · 15/07/2025 15:23

Are you not taking the baby to the beach / swimming?

I tried this afternoon, and will do more of it tomorrow, I found a nice shady place under a tree where he can’t eat too much sand

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 15/07/2025 17:23

It’s definitely being on holiday with him which is the issue, not being on holiday with the baby.

Look forward to holidays with your child without him in future, they will be lovely.

Limoncello16 · 15/07/2025 17:23

Well the main problem is your partner.

I agree that holidays with a baby aren’t the same as on your own, but I think that they can be nice.

We always did self catering in the UK until our dc were about 3yo.

That way you’ve got a comfortable home from
home,

FestivusMiracle · 15/07/2025 17:27

Sounds hideous, but I think the husband is the biggest problem.

We always rented (and ultimately bought) a villa with its own pool when ours were babies. So my husband would wear them out in the pool all morning, then we could enjoy long lunches while they slept. And repeat in the afternoon, with a trip to the beach added.

An apartment or hotel just wouldn’t have worked.