Would you report this to the school?

[WorriedForSC]

SC mostly live with their mum and stepdad, along with a younger sibling. SO and their mum split when they were very young because their mum left for their stepdad. I met SO shortly after. There’s always been some animosity between their parents due to the way the marriage ended but on the whole conflict is kept away from SC, and it’s all pretty routine and they have two homes they’re settled in. We don’t live close enough to get them to school, because their mum moved without notice (driving is shared).

We had SC last weekend as usual and it turned out their mum’s gone on holiday for a week so they’ll be with their stepdad this week. When it was time for SO to return them, they were in tears and upset, begging to stay with us or other relatives. We called their mum, she said no basically, so DH returned them.

I very much doubt their stepdad will let DH speak to them this week and I’m just really worried about them.

SO could have kept his children.

What is he going to report to school, my children were upset at the thought of their step Dad looking after them last week but I returned them anyway and didnt raise any concerns.

Did he ask them they didn’t want step Dad to look after them?

I would report it to the school, it might be completely nothing or it might be part of a wider picture. The school are well placed to have an informal check in with them and see how things are going at home.

What makes you think their Mum hasn't already told the school that the children may be unsettled when she's away on holiday next week and the children are staying at home with stepdad?

I wouldn't 'report it's in that sense but I'd drop them an email to let them know, just as Mum hopefully already has.

Stepdad is, according to SC, mean and bossy to them when their mum isn’t around. I don’t know a lot about what happens at their other home, but I get the impression that stepdad is often at work in the evenings, and their mum is usually at home when they are.

I don’t think they’re scared of stepdad, but they don’t like or respect him much. It’s hard because stepdad is, of course, entitled to keep order and make rules in his own house, like I do, but they’re clearly unhappy about him when their mum isn’t there. I have encouraged them to talk to their teachers and us if stepdad does anything they don’t like and generally it’s stuff like “he makes us tidy our rooms” but they have said in the past that he shouted at them so loudly that the neighbours came round to check they were okay.

Maybe she has, I have no idea? I’ve looked after SC before without SO being around and it wouldn’t cross my mind to notify anyone though.

Yes I think this is what I need to do.

Yes I would report it. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and it might be that the school have other concerns they've logged. Often it's a picture over time.

Definitely report. Children need protecting, better safe than sorry.

I’m going to send an email, thank you to everyone who replied.

I’m 95% sure there’s no physical violence. Stepdad hits their dog and they tell us about it, and they do complain about him quite often, but I’m sure they complain to their mum about me too! They are, unfortunately, in the middle of two warring parents and I do think there’s some saying what they think each parent wants to hear.

But we haven’t had tears like that for years, since they were tiny, which makes me worried.

Can someone explain Sc and So?

I would report to school and assuming so has pr he should go and collect the children from school.

Stepchildren and significant other

We’re too far away to do a school run so it’d mean him being off work and them being off school for the rest of the week.

We’ve emailed the school to ask how they are and to explain the circumstances. If the school say they’re upset, that’s what he’ll do, but it’ll make all hell break loose with their mum.

SC adore their mum and we don’t have any major issues with how she parents them. We’ve told them in the past that if they want to stay with us during the week, they can, but it’d mean leaving their mum and changing school and they don’t want to. It’s just their stepdad that they don’t like.

If anybody is going to report anything to anybody it should be the father of the children. You should stay out of it unless you genuinely believe they are in danger

He has emailed the school now. Thanks for your suggestion to keep out of it, rather goes against the idea that safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, but I’m sure you have your reasons.

That is not what i was saying. The point being it should be the parent doing the parenting, you are not the parent. If you felt there were safeguarding issues and your partner didn't then you are totally justified in reporting yourself.

You’ve directly contradicted your previous post but okay 👍🏻

Oh fgs, it is her business. She cares for these kids as a mother figure so it’s very much her business too

Teacher here. We're responsible for safeguarding children in education - which is why the regulatory framework is called 'Keeping children safe in education'.

If you're worried about whether children are safe outside of education in a social setting, e.g. at home, then it's social services that you need to contact.

That’s interesting, I’ve seen other posts where a poster is worried about a child’s friend and they are always told to tell the school. I thought all referrals went into a MASH?

If he's hitting the dog, you also need to report that to the RSPCA or police.

Especially as a dog who is hit may be more likely to be aggressive, so an increased bite risk. I hope they’re okay until their mum gets back, it doesn’t sound very pleasant.

I reported to the RSPCA about six months ago. Police just refer you to the RSPCA. I don’t know if anything came of it but SC have never mentioned anything if it did.