Hi everyone hope it’s ok to post and off load.
I’ve been with my partner for 18 years and we have two teenagers. He did say in the past if I was up for him to have a side chick as he’s getting older and worrying that nobody would want him, to that I obviously said no so he suggested couple of times to separate which I said ok to but he’s too close for comfort and loves me, is scared to loose me blah blah.
Over couple of months he frequently was travelling up north for “work” and started acting shady once he was back meaning he was bit resentful, always in his office, his phone was on silent all the time with him. Fast forward to a little over a month ago I confronted him. He spilled out and broke up with me. He found himself a girl up north who is nearly half his age.
Obviously I was heartbroken and destroyed so I told him he has to move out to which he said he can’t afford it at the moment. We own our house and I can buy him out and I will keep the house. I begged him if we were going to be living together for a while not to get into any relationship as it would crumble me mentally and physically.
Anyway, still sleeping in the same bed I caught him messaging that girl, caught him calling her and he even went to see her telling me he’s going to absolutely different place. I played fbi and found that out afterwards. I found some voice notes between him and his mate and learned about extent of his affair.
About two weeks after break up I was diagnosed with cancer. Day before my spinal tap and first radiotherapy he told me that he’s going away to play football. I knew he wasn’t so I told him that I knew where he was going and I gave him a choice. He either stays and we work through this or if he decides to walk out that door he might not ever come back. He went well knowing next day I wouldn’t even be able to drive to the hospital and treatment left me bed ridden for nearly two days which was hard having to look after two kids. I took taxi to and from hospital. He came back five days after like nothing happened and when he was away didn’t even bothered to text his own kids. That actually killed me him knowing what I’m about to go through yet he left without any remorse yet texted me on the way back saying that he missed me. Clearly playing with my head.
I didn’t tell my kids about my cancer because I was worried they would hate him for what he put us through. My daughter caught him texting that girl, looked over, saw name and picture then with her friends found her on socials and she has been kicking off at school, got suspended and I had to attend few meetings. She did tell school what’s been happening at home hence her reaction. She’s and my son are getting appropriate support.
My daughter and I are very close(I’m close with my son too but with girl is different type of close) so I saw how it affected her. I urged her to off load to him as he has right to know how she’s feeling. She did tell him she knows about other woman and she sees me hiding and crying in the shed and hearing me crying myself to sleep. He told her that girl is nothing to him and he wanted to separate while ago because I got sick and old (we both 40). When he goes away all three of us and content but once he’s back my daughter in particular leaves the room and hides in her bedroom, can’t even look at him.
I did eventually tell kids about my diagnosis and it went down better than I expected. Got lots support from them.
Fast forward to now I have not only cancer to deal with I also have therapy for ptsd. This whole experience was traumatic including cancer. It all hit me at once. I have suicidal thoughts, flashbacks and I’m now also on antidepressants.
I did something stupid I should’ve done and I messaged that girl. Told her what he’s been doing, saying and how it affected my kids especially my daughter. Told her he left me before first treatment. I’m not proud of that but it’s done.
She broke up with him and he’s well pissed off. He does understand my reaction to his actions is reasonable and valid because he put me through hell and I felt abandoned.
My confidence is in gutter, my self love and worth is none existent. He obviously tried to twist the situation that he didn’t do that or said this made me think I’m going crazy.
I don’t need advice but I need support and understanding.