To cancel my wedding?

[nm1995]

Looking for some advice… my fiance and I are seriously considering cancelling our wedding booked for next year, for something more intimate. We recently had our 2nd child and are having to move house unexpectedly due to various circumstances. Obviously our finances are now changing and although we could still afford the wedding, I’m just getting a bit disillusioned with spending so much on one day. Additionally, some of our family members that we would have invited to the wedding haven’t even sent a message of congratulations after the birth of our baby, so I’m not sure I want to spend over 120 per head on them 🫠
I still want to have a wedding celebration but maybe more of an intimate ceremony and a “Happily ever after party“ vibe for afterwards.

Has anyone else cancelled their wedding in favour of a more intimate ceremony and party after? If so, what were the pros and cons to this?
Thank you in advance for any responses ❤️

I love a big wedding, but pragmatically there are several other useful things that you could spend that money on, and if people aren't that bothered about your wedding and family unit, spending on a big wedding is not a good value use of your money. I say this as someone who had a big wedding, loved it and had no regrets, but it wasn't compromising any other aspect of life.

In the grand scheme of weddings, £1500 deposit is a managable sunk cost. To continue, you will be spending (£)£,£££ more, so even at this point, to change direction is still significantly saving money.

You will need to let people know with as much notice so they don't sort out staying somewhere .It sounds a really good idea though. I hope you celebrate your wedding the way you want.

If I had young children I wouldn’t be wasting the money on anything lavish on people that may not appreciate it anyway. Anyone that loves you will want the best for you.

Smaller weddings are less stressful and more memorable in my experience. Somehow they feel more genuine.

I wanted to offer a slightly different perspective, in case my experience might be helpful.

I had a big wedding - beautiful church, stunning hotel, singing waiters, magician, singer… we ticked off everything on the ‘dream wedding’ list. And I don’t regret it, because it truly was a wonderful day. Everyone had a great time, including me.

But… my marriage didn’t last. My husband left about a year later, and that experience has completely shifted my perspective on weddings and what the ‘perfect day’ really means.

Looking back now, I realise the day was gorgeous, but so much of it was about making sure everyone else had a good time. We poured so much money and energy into entertaining others, and in doing that, I think I lost sight of what was meaningful for me.

If I were to do it again, I’d want something much smaller, more relaxed, fun, and authentic, something that felt like us, not a production.

It’s easy to get carried away with the planning, and I totally understand why people do, it’s exciting! But my advice would be: don’t lose yourself or your partner in the process. Focus on what actually matters to the two of you!!

Eloped, best decision for us although a very very small number of bitter types gave us grief when they found out. I think they thought we would get their permission on every last detail so were pretty shocked when they found out we had done it without telling them (not even parents btw, just controlling relatives who never asked us about if we might get married one day or anything e.g. shows zero interest in others but expects to be consulted on our life choices). Anyway we had the best time, exactly how we wanted it, affordable and no drama. It’s was not low key or unromantic or anything mind, we picked a perfect venue for us, had lovely outfits, sixpences in the shoes, garters the lot. We used a planner with an all inclusive cost which worked well for us budget wise and saved a lot of additional admin and stress. We had a celebratory meal with various friends a few weeks later. We had planned more of a party but Covid got in the way. We just told people who asked, and loads of others still don’t know.

We sort of did due to covid.

I have ZERO regrets.

We did a (beautiful) town hall then hired a restaurant and had about 30 people - formal meal then cocktails canapés and music.

I used the difference to buy a new kitchen...

Absolutely do it, we spent £18K on our wedding in 2010, it was all very 'nice' but I look back in horror now at what a spectacular 'waste' of money on one day and what else we could have done!

DH & I still very happy but if I had my time again I'd definitely have something much smaller!

We all know Indian weddings can be huge and sometimes a couple of days long but my hairdresser who is Indian said that when she and her husband got married, their criteria for who is invited or not was, have we had dinner with you in the last 18 months. If not, they didn’t make the cut.
She said, yes it caused a row but she and her husband wanted the money to go on property not an extravaganza full of people who their parents thought they should invite. The list combined of who both sets of parents thought should be invited was many hundreds of people long. She said some of the people that both sets of parents wanted to invite, she wouldn’t have been able to name. They stuck to their guns.
She said her sister is now doing the same.

We had a very intimate wedding, just us and 2 witnesses. I couldn't have handled having loads of people present. We then had a lovely meal at Le Manoir (very overwhelming for 25-year-old-me in the late 90s, but very lovely!) and then an evening party. We did it in a way that suited us and I've never regretted it.
In my opinion, big weddings are just a huge waste of money, but each to their own.
If you want a small wedding, I'd definitely recommend it :)

we eloped. Best thing we ever did. Had a huge party for our F&F few weeks later. Didn’t invite anyone I didn’t want to. No neighbours, work colleagues, friends of friends, random cousins. It was the best day ever. And did it all on a budget as we were immigrating, but still had it look good and great buffet style food. People still say to us 30 years later how good was ur wedding, wish they were all like that. I swear. Hubby was best man couple years ago for a huge expensive wedding. He was stressed out his head the entire day. The guests were continuously moved back and fro while this room was getting sorted, this now getting made up, food was rushed, noisy. Everything was timed. Was the worst wedding and I mean that nicely. All the bride did was run around checking everything was in place, all the stuff was on show and pictures of everything instead of just enjoying the day.
I say cancel your wedding, elope with your baby and u won’t regret it!!!! And enjoy ur hard earned cash on things u deserve!!!!!

I arranged a small wedding for myself and husband. Intimate meal and a small reception at night. It was fab and a lot less stress and less money! Congratulations on your new baby to!