Advice

[Nmbof3]

My 12year old son had his swim shorts pulled down in the changing rooms in front of all his peers! The school have contacted us and said they have statements from other children who witnessed this happening should we wish to take the matter further?! I'm obviously furious at the other child and mortified for my son. I'm not sure what the school are suggesting by 'taking it further'? So just wandering what other parents would suggest as at the moment all I can think about is how my son is feeling. Any advice greatly appreciated x

No kids here, but I would absolutely be in support of you "taking this further" - I imagine this may mean further punishment for the child who committed the assault? Your poor son. Hope he's alright.

Definitely take it further OP.

And if you're not sure what the school are suggesting, ring them straight back and find out.

Taking it further probably just means punishing child with detention, getting him to apologise to your son (possibly a written apology) and maybe calling his parents in to discuss his behaviour if he has a habit of doing stuff like this. There’s really nothing legal they can do and yanking down someone’s swim shorts at that age doesn’t constitute sexual abuse/ mean the child who did it is being sexually abused.

Not taking it further means it’ll be chalked up as a boys will be boys situation.

being realistic, having mum taking it further may have your son labelled a grass/telltale- especially at that age- so I would be conscious of that when deciding what to do, and ask your son his thoughts too.

you say you’re mortified for him- how does he feel about the situation? He may just want to forget about it/ laugh it off.

Definitely contact the school as say you want to take things further.
Possible actions would be giving the group as a whole a talk on personal dignity, respect and the “pants” rule, moving the child who committed the assault to another group and giving him a clear reprimand about his behaviour, suspending this child from swimming for a period and, again, giving him a good telling off, withdrawing privileges such as an end-of-year jolly if one is planned or, possibly, if there is perhaps a backstory about this child, expulsion.
Obviously I think the offending child’s parents should be brought in to discuss the situation but the OP and her son should be listened to.

If they’re letting you know that they have statements from other children and that it’s therefore not just your child’s word against the other’s, it sounds very much like they would support things being taken further. And that in turn makes me wonder whether this other child demonstrates habitually problematic behaviour and the number of witnesses on this occasion finally gives them leverage to tackle things more officially with the kid’s parents.

I think that I would get back in touch and say that this is clearly unacceptable behaviour and that you would like them to take all necessary measures to prevent a recurrence. Then let them get on with whatever it is they have in mind. Frankly, I think at secondary level this should be more than just detention. Your poor son :(

That’s bullying and abuse. I’d be fucking fuming

If it has not been reported to the other child's parents then this is the minimum action that I would want taken. They should absolutely be made aware of what has happened

Thank you all for your responses, they are very much appreciated. This incident only happened today (I wrote this post whilst my son was still at school after the school had contacted my husband about what had happened)

After talking to my son when he got home he told me what had happened and how another child had told the teachers as he didn't want to. The school have dealt with the boy in question and he has been suspended, so I'm taking that as they have recurring incidents with this boy.

Thank you all again x

Glad they have dealt with it.