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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut family out of my life

13 replies

Daisychain53 · 14/07/2025 14:37

I am a single parent to an autistic child with a learning disability, the only thing in this world she loves are cats.

We recently moved to be nearer family and the house is near a busier road, unfortunately our beloved cat was killed last week, we are beyond devastated as she was like another of my children.

she had been missing for a few days and i immediately knew something was up as she normally comes in when i call, she stays home all night.

I had asked family to come and sit with my child whilst i looked for our cat, we had already been out day and night ourselves but as she has mobility issues it was hard to get into the nooks and crannies, the family didn't respond to my request so did not help.

We eventually found our girl dead, my child was with me and saw the body.
I am so annoyed at the lack of help and support from the family surrounding this, the have barely contacted me since to ask how we are or if there's anything they could do. I really would have loved someone to sit with my child so I could sit and cry my eyes out in peace.

I don't know how to move forward from this,
I don't know if I can't speak to them again as I'm so mad.

I keep thinking if they had sat with my child I might have just found our girl myself and my child wouldn't have seen her.

Please don't make me feel bad about her going outside, I really wanted her to be an inside cat but she loved to hunt, we had previously lived near a field before moving so she had found a similar one but unfortunately across the road.

OP posts:
Agix · 14/07/2025 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IamSmarticus · 14/07/2025 14:55

I would be gutted too, I'm a cat lover and a cat owner, but I don't think you can cut your family off for this.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 14/07/2025 14:57

I'm so sorry about your cat 💐

If this is the only reason then I don't think it's worth cutting your family off for.

It sounds like you're grieving and looking for someone to blame.

Pawse · 14/07/2025 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You feel better now? Kicking someone when they're down.

Sorry OP please ignore vile posters like this.

So sorry for loss of your cat and your poor child seeing it.

It's so tough being a single parent. So so tough. Wait until she's asleep and have a good cry then. Or cry with her.

Sorry I'm rubbish at advice.

TheTwitcher11 · 14/07/2025 15:01

Daisychain53 · 14/07/2025 14:37

I am a single parent to an autistic child with a learning disability, the only thing in this world she loves are cats.

We recently moved to be nearer family and the house is near a busier road, unfortunately our beloved cat was killed last week, we are beyond devastated as she was like another of my children.

she had been missing for a few days and i immediately knew something was up as she normally comes in when i call, she stays home all night.

I had asked family to come and sit with my child whilst i looked for our cat, we had already been out day and night ourselves but as she has mobility issues it was hard to get into the nooks and crannies, the family didn't respond to my request so did not help.

We eventually found our girl dead, my child was with me and saw the body.
I am so annoyed at the lack of help and support from the family surrounding this, the have barely contacted me since to ask how we are or if there's anything they could do. I really would have loved someone to sit with my child so I could sit and cry my eyes out in peace.

I don't know how to move forward from this,
I don't know if I can't speak to them again as I'm so mad.

I keep thinking if they had sat with my child I might have just found our girl myself and my child wouldn't have seen her.

Please don't make me feel bad about her going outside, I really wanted her to be an inside cat but she loved to hunt, we had previously lived near a field before moving so she had found a similar one but unfortunately across the road.

You’re not being unreasonable if they are unsupportive in general and this was the final straw

Original poster
Daisychain53 · 14/07/2025 15:05

Luckily some messages have been deleted before I can see them.
It's just 2 siblings in particular that have been extremely unsupportive, my oldest child got married earlier on the year, just a very smaller wedding with a few people invited, the same 2 siblings didn't come to the wedding and only said on the day...one of them said because they had nothing to wear....so it does very much feel like a last straw.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisychain53 · 14/07/2025 15:09

I will add that our cat had no obvious injuries and looked to be very peacefully sleeping in grass. so that' in a sense has been the best outcome for my child. Anything other would have been so traumatic.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 14/07/2025 15:14

If they are usually unsupportive that would be the reason for me to cut contact not purely because they didn't assist in this instance.

Sorry about your cat. If you get another could you get a tracking device on its collar or maybe keep it indoors?

raysan · 14/07/2025 15:16

I could maybe understand if they missed the message and apologised but family who love you tend to help when you're desparate.

Whats the big picture? Would your life be easier without them?

Original poster
Daisychain53 · 14/07/2025 15:17

she did have a tracker but had recently lost in one of my neighbours bushes and we hadn't found it. I have been actively looking to move house for various reasons but her safety had been one. I did try keep her in as much as I could but she'd become very destructive if she didn't get out when she demanded!

OP posts:
CreationNat1on · 14/07/2025 15:20

Did your family commit to helping out before you moved?

Have they stuff going on in their own lives?

Are there other supports and resilience strategies you could develop outside of family?

Can you adopt another cat?

Jojimoji · 14/07/2025 15:25

I'm so sorry this happened you.

If your family are normally supportive I wouldn't cut contact.
Two things can be true at the same time:
They love you
They don't understand cats or your relationship with them.

ThatDaringEagle · 14/07/2025 15:25

By all means cut your siblings off if you feel they're a drag or unsupportive to you, however I think you should do 2 things firstly.

  1. Leave time to cool off, you're grieving the sad & sudden loss of your family cat, and you could have done without the unneeded trauma of having had your poor child see the body. (Kids get over this kind of thing btw & it's really just part of growing up). You might be looking for someone to lash out at & your non responsive siblings may be an easy choice right now. It wasn't their fault & they may just have been busy this weekend, or not appreciated the bind you felt you were in our whatever.
  1. Put in to them that they're unsupportive and your thinking of distancing them as a result. I mean not going to the wedding & pulling out on the day is highly rude & odd tbh. I suspect that there's much more going on here , and you should at least hear them out.

Then the ball is in your court. If they don't empathise re the cat &/or not supporting you in the search, &/or apologize sincerely for not showing at your child's wedding on the day, cut them loose pronto, and you'll never have to explain it or justify it to them ever again.

You've at least given them their last chance....

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