Pip and separated parents

Lavendarblue82 · 2025-07-14T08:52:52+00:00

Hi, please can anyone offer any advice or guidance here? My disabled daughter has just been awarded PIP. Her father and I are separated and we have our daughter 50/50. Her father made the PIP claim for her and he is down as her guardian with regard to how her award is managed. He is keeping me very much in the dark about the claim and is refusing to tell me how much she is getting per month. The money is intended to be spent on things like her haircuts, her transported anything related to her care or social activities. However, he is only using this money for when our daughter is with him, not when she is with me. I don't believe this is right. Obviously our daughter isn't just disabled 50 percent of the time, those needs associated with het disability apply when she is with me too. I have made this cleat to him but he is now ignoring my messages and i am not sure what to do. Has anyone been in this situation before? He even gets the child benefit. My fault, because I was earning more than him when we separated so I felt he needed the money in his household more. I feel so controlled and manipulated by his actions. I wasn't sure which section to post in so please move it admin if it doesn't belong here.

Katemax82 · 14/07/2025 10:02

If he is her appointee he will get all the money paid to him and is in charge of it. If she gets high rate care and mobility its about 740 a month roughly. If she gets awarded mobility at the high rate he will be able to use it (about 300 out of the 740) to get a motability car, with the purpose of driving her around. Legally I don't think there is anything you can do to get him to share the money with you.
Disclaimer..the figures I posted are not 100% accurate my son gets high rate pip I just put a rough figure

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:02

Well.PIP.is for over 16,s in England and over 18 in Scotland
So first of all does your daughter have capacity to manage her own money ?because she should be in receipt of it if she does
If she doesn't I agree you should both have equal.access to.it.

Original poster

Lavendarblue82 · 14/07/2025 10:24

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:02

Well.PIP.is for over 16,s in England and over 18 in Scotland
So first of all does your daughter have capacity to manage her own money ?because she should be in receipt of it if she does
If she doesn't I agree you should both have equal.access to.it.

I would say she is yes but I think he will be receiving the money by the sound of it. He said receipts etc need to be saved to prove that her money is being spent as it should. I hope this is the case. In my opinion, the money only be used for when my daughter is with him, is neglect.

Why should he be able to use the money for petrol etc but I can't use it to pay for the hospital parking when I take her to appointments? Makes no sense.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lavendarblue82 · 14/07/2025 10:25

Katemax82 · 14/07/2025 10:02

If he is her appointee he will get all the money paid to him and is in charge of it. If she gets high rate care and mobility its about 740 a month roughly. If she gets awarded mobility at the high rate he will be able to use it (about 300 out of the 740) to get a motability car, with the purpose of driving her around. Legally I don't think there is anything you can do to get him to share the money with you.
Disclaimer..the figures I posted are not 100% accurate my son gets high rate pip I just put a rough figure

Thank you. I am going to contact citizens advice.

OP posts:

Sunflowersinthesummer · 14/07/2025 10:27

Ask him in writing how much it is and ask him what he is using it for and to split it 50/50x If he ignores it contact them direct with the order 50/50 and apply to the court for residency explaining he won’t communicate with you about the pip and coparent amicably. Court won’t be happy with him. Ask nicely with a deadline, then formally. Do it all in writing. The money is got her.

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:28

Lavendarblue82 · 14/07/2025 10:24

I would say she is yes but I think he will be receiving the money by the sound of it. He said receipts etc need to be saved to prove that her money is being spent as it should. I hope this is the case. In my opinion, the money only be used for when my daughter is with him, is neglect.

Why should he be able to use the money for petrol etc but I can't use it to pay for the hospital parking when I take her to appointments? Makes no sense.

Edited

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No they don't check what the money is spent on
My son ha been getting DL A since he was three,and he's 15 now and nobody has ever checked what it's spent on
He must have applied to be her appointee if he ,s receiving it if you think she's capable of managing her PIP.herself than really you should speak to them as it's her money

Bushmillsbabe · 14/07/2025 10:35

Hi, I get PIP - as far as I understand, receipts don't need to be kept, but it should only be spent on additional needs incurred due to your child's disability, not for general household bills. I was told during my interview that evidence could be requested from my bank statements on how it is spent, but this had never hapenned.
Theoretically, you could take legal action/contact social services if you feel he is not using the funds in her name appropriately, bit would be much better if could resolve amicably
Do you have a formal custody arrangement which states how costs will be shared?

Soontobe60 · 14/07/2025 10:37

How old is your DD?

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:47

Bushmillsbabe · 14/07/2025 10:35

Hi, I get PIP - as far as I understand, receipts don't need to be kept, but it should only be spent on additional needs incurred due to your child's disability, not for general household bills. I was told during my interview that evidence could be requested from my bank statements on how it is spent, but this had never hapenned.
Theoretically, you could take legal action/contact social services if you feel he is not using the funds in her name appropriately, bit would be much better if could resolve amicably
Do you have a formal custody arrangement which states how costs will be shared?

Edited

PIP.can be spent on anything that benefits the person obviously if the Op,s daughter has capacity then she should receive the money and spend it how she sees fit
My son will transfer to PIP.next year he's severely autistic,non verbal.very limited understanding of the world around him zero concept of money
So I will continue to be his appointee and the money will.continue to go into the family pot as his DL A does and be spent on food ,bills etc,all.if which benefit him.

JoyDivision79 · 14/07/2025 10:50

A large part of me immediately thinks- leave it alone.

Why? Because I can tell from your posts this is an incredibly difficult and stress inducing man. Interaction and battle with him is going to make you suffer. And is he the type of man who will make you pay for upsetting his apple cart?

I understand how hard it is when you can't communicate with the other parent and are sure that they don't behave in best interests of the child.at times.

You can support your child in becoming a manager and receiver of their own benefit very soon. You can suppot them in understanding this if they have capacity that is. And remove him from the equation.

Otherwise, I know this is wrong, it's unfair and it's a never ending kick in the face for you.

If you can afford to park this somewhere and just continue being a decent human being with decent values, I believe this will benefit you.

DWP don't ever check or analyse how moneys used unless there's suspicion of fraud. It would have to be a fair amount claimed over time to investigate I'd suggest too.

Mrsttcno1 · 14/07/2025 10:51

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:47

PIP.can be spent on anything that benefits the person obviously if the Op,s daughter has capacity then she should receive the money and spend it how she sees fit
My son will transfer to PIP.next year he's severely autistic,non verbal.very limited understanding of the world around him zero concept of money
So I will continue to be his appointee and the money will.continue to go into the family pot as his DL A does and be spent on food ,bills etc,all.if which benefit him.

Show quote history

It can be & you probably wouldn’t be penalised, but PIP strictly speaking is specifically to go towards the extra costs of living with a disability rather than just being extra household income.

x2boys · 14/07/2025 10:59

Mrsttcno1 · 14/07/2025 10:51

It can be & you probably wouldn’t be penalised, but PIP strictly speaking is specifically to go towards the extra costs of living with a disability rather than just being extra household income.

Show quote history

It can be used for anything that benefits the child person like many parents of severely disabled children I had to.give up.work to be my sons carer
It benefits him to be able to eat and to have a,home to.live in the
More wealth claimants can use it for clubs ,equipment
For many people it goes into the family pot and there is nothing illegal about that.
My son will never have capacity to manage his own money and will.always need full time care.

Rootsdarling2 · 14/07/2025 11:01

I think its likely easier to argue that your DD has her own bank account. Would she ever live in supported living later down the line?

Does she not have her own bank card?

Mumofoneandone · 14/07/2025 11:20

I think you need to get some legal advice as PIP awards are for the individual and their needs. To my mind, if they live between 2 households, the money should be either split evenly between the 2 or in an account that both parents can access.
What he is doing is potentially fraudulent, as he is potentially depriving your DD of money that has been awarded to her, not him to support her disability. As an appointee, he should be acting in his DD's best interests, which he clearly is not.