I'm heartbroken but I have a brain tumour and my bestfriend thinks it's impairing my thought process and I'm struggling to see the light.
My ex broke up with me a couple days ago and went straight back to his ex but she told me he had been begging to move back in with her and said he loves and misses her while saying those things to me, trying to have a baby with me and I had a miscarriage, he met my children, he lived with me for 2 weeks (we've been in a long distance relationship for nearly a year) he usually drove from Scotland to England to see me and I tried to make it a nice stay for him :(
I made him cooked breakfasts everyday, bought him things he wanted and needed, massages when he wanted etc. I gave him money to go home. When he went home he went quieter and became unavailable most of the time. And when he spoke to me in texts he would mostly talk about himself or his friends. He used the money on £10 car chargers (which is what it was for) and then spent the rest of it on expensive sushi, things with friends and paid his friends vet bill. Now he will go into overdraft when the chargers take out the full money & I gave him the amount of money so that he wouldn't go into overdraft.
When he went out a couple of days ago I got upset and told him how I felt because he didn't charge his phone and then got home at 1am after not speaking to me most of the day or checking in to say he was ok (he went to the middle of nowhere to do kayaking). Maybe I was too hard on him and he said I was horrible and then didn't reply to my texts or calls when I apologised so many times. And now he's gone back to his ex and I saw on his car app (which I've now deleted but tortured myself seeing it).
Anyway over the course of our relationship I wrote down some red flags but my brain still isn't seeing it and I feel worthless and awful. Maybe I am. I truly loved him and despite me having kids, he's the first person that I've had such a passionate connection with and first person I've had a proper kiss with. The sex we had was a million miles from what I've ever had.
Him: Jobless Financially unstable Flaky sometimes Immature sometimes Got me to pay for everything He puts an old game priority before talking to me He leaves his phone charger in car and cba to get it out to message so phone goes dead He often wakes up in the afternoon He has no motivation to get a job He doesn’t tell me things like going over to Alice, high probability that he still speaks to her daily and maybe leading her on (confirmed correct)
He flexed muscles like Patrick Bateman during sex and it cringes me out He had sex with me when I was very drunk *He argued with me when I was very drunk and made me feel like I was making it up or being dramatic. He let me cry on the bathroom floor without checking on me while he sulked in bed. Then came in when I was vomiting.
When we were drunk he didn’t care that I had left the hotel room because he asked me to get him water, it was a rough area He made me feel a bit silly about a gaming event we went to and I missed out on some of the things there He play fights with his friends and he’s 30, a grown man Criminal record Asks a lot of me He didn’t tell me he has herpes and had unprotected sex with me many times including on Wed when he had a sore on it. He told me he was clean and he made me look like a complete freak for questioning things. He took away my autonomy and didn’t care about my health. He put me at risk of having a life long disease.
*Didn’t take his anti viral tablets religiously even though he said he was taking them to protect me
Puts his feelings before mine Can’t communicate properly Ghosts me He never cared that I was in hospital, instead he went back to Alice He begged Alice to let him come home and kept telling her he loves her and misses her while having sex with me, meeting my kids, getting me pregnant and having a miscarriage Drove car like a psycho with me in it Called me crazy, slag, cunt, cow as a joke but didn’t feel nice sometimes Shot me in the leg with BB gun when I asked him not to *Spanked me really hard 3 times when I wasn’t feeling good and it made me cry, he could’ve stopped after the 2nd time
His mums house where he had been staying and I visited is smoky and unkept and his dog pisses everywhere. He slept on her sofa for months. He told me he did it for me but turns out his ex apparently kicked him out and he was begging her to let him come back. He doesn’t clean the dog piss up properly. things weren’t perfect in his relationship with Alice despite him going straight back to her and he said she gave him herpes without disclosing too