Please help

[TattyHatty90]

I don’t know where to start but here goes. I’ve been in a LDR with my partner for nearly 2 years. We live 2 hours away and have been making plans to move in together and especially now I’m expecting. I feel very confused & up in the air after I had some devastating news. My dad stopped me from working for the family business, told me to move out and this has left me with no income and money. I went to stay with family friends but he got there first and they want me to leave too. The only person who’s said I can stop with them temporarily until I get myself sorted is my ex. That’s where I’m at now since yesterday. Then on top of that my partner has been supportive and he hasn’t walked out but isn’t exactly being supportive either. He had a family dinner and was dealing with that Fri. Again also strange that his family know of me, but I haven’t met them and wasn’t invited. He lives with his parents and grandad. He’s worried how they’ll react too.
He also seems fine that I’m needing to find a place and that I’ll do all that and then he’ll move in with me. He has the means to help but isn’t and is ok that I’m crashing at my feet x’s. I don’t get it. I am in a difficult situation and really need him but it’s as if I’m to sort it all out I haven’t had reason to not believe he doesn’t love me or isn’t committed until now. This doesn’t add up in my head. I am probably hormonal and unsure how to approach the subject. It’s not even though he was thrilled about the pregnancy and said it felt way too soon for us but things have eased up on that front. Please help. I’m lost in all of this.

Why is your dad working against you? Stopping you from earning money and setting relatives against you? Is there a pattern over the years?

Your bf is not very helpful either, is he not sure about the relationship? Sure or not, he’ll be dad so there is no escaping that responsibility for him.

Is there a chance of improving relationship with your family, do they know you are pregnant?

Sounds complicated and dynamics is unclear here.

I think we need the full story with why your dad has cut you off. Is it because you are pg? The fact you’ve never met your bf parents after 2 years is a massive red flag what’s his reasoning for hiding you? It sounds like he is not at all committed to the relationship especially as he didn’t want a baby.

My dad is Italian and is because I’m pg

2hr away is not really a long distance relationship. You could see each other 2-3 times a week.

Your dad sounds old fashioned, perhaps there is a way to work him into being back on your side appealing to his nurturing italian dad side? He’s probably in shock, has he met your boyfriend? It sounds like perhaps neither side has been introduced to wider family yet.

Are you broke and looking for money ?

@Stripeyanddotty god no. Not why I’m here

This isn't great behaviour from your dad tbh (understatement), but it's even more worrying that the father of your child isn't trying his best to help you.

Why’s he so angry you’re pregnant? Being Italian doesn’t seem reason enough…?

How does your boyfriend think you’re going to get your own place with no income and no money?

It also sounds very complicated. When’s your baby due?

@AnneLovesGilbert im Durbin March. I wish I can say it’s something more. My dad is strict and old school. as for the bf I don’t get it unless he saw me as a meal ticket and now all bets are off. Kind of a really crappy day.

So it’s very very early days. His family haven’t met you and don’t know you’re pregnant. Presumably the pregnancy wasn’t planned. Is there a chance he’s in another relationship?

What do you want to happen now, do you know? It’s more than a crappy day, I’m sorry. Have you considered turning up on his doorstep, saying you don’t have anywhere else to stay and he’ll have to put you up?

Do u really want to have a child with this man?

Sounds absolutely useless to me

@AnneLovesGilbert i would never dare. Not met his folks or anything
I feel hellish because I couldn’t stand by and act in the same way towards him. I don’t get any of this. My life has turned on its head and I’m feeling a bit of a mess and alone.

It’s very early days- have you had your dating scan?

Hopefully your dad will come round after initial reaction, im thinking he must only have known for a week or so going by timeline.
not sure your dp is going to step up though, he doesn’t sound overly dynamic or invested in the relationship, even with giving him a bit of leeway down to news of unexpected pregnancy (although can’t have been totally unexpected obviously if the 2 of you weren’t being careful to prevent it).
You need to have a proper think about what you want and how you would cope with being a single parent without support from your dad as it seems like this could be a real possibility

you don’t have a job and presumably little or no savings.
you have no accommodation
your boyfriend doesn’t really want to be with you.
he certainly doesn’t want to become a father.

these are the stark realities you are facing.

you are very early in your pregnancy.
you have options.
think carefully whether you really want to have a child at this stage of your life.

It sounds like your dad had a knee jerk reaction to the whole situation and reacted in a very oldfashioned way. Because perhaps he doesn’t know how to react.
Is he really the kind of person who would not want to ever have a relationship with his grandchild and also lose his daughter over the fact it’s not ideal circumstances? You know him best OP.

Give him time. Given that your partner is a bit flakey, family support is important here. When and if you can, have a chat with your dad again and ask him how he sees the future.