XH has always been an abusive, neglectful father, mostly actively counter-parenting before largely losing interest in our two teenage daughters a few years ago. The youngest has blocked him, but DD17 still occasionally speaks to him — almost always initiated by her.
In the past 18 months, DD17 has developed serious lifelong health conditions, spending weeks in hospital. He knows this but has only visited once for 20 minutes and never checks in. Meanwhile, I’ve managed everything—work, appointments, meds—while he makes empty promises about money and dodges giving her anything.
He has a history of abuse, including to past partners and their children, confirmed by one ex who contacted me. I've stayed out of his personal life, but after seeing women speak out in groups like “Are We Dating the Same Man,” I messaged his new GF urging her to do a Claire’s Law check. She blocked me, which I expected, but I needed to try.
Before last Christmas, he introduced our daughters to her and her kids. They came home upset, saying he repeatedly called her youngest child (about 7) a “retard,” despite her asking him to stop. More recently, DD17 heard him threaten to “smash the boy in the face” during a call. Disturbed, I reported it to Social Services.
Now XH has blocked DD, said he can’t speak to her again and has refused to give her birthday money he promised. He’s blaming this on me for reporting him, citing this as the reason in texts to her. DD is angry and hurt, and while I stand by my decision, I hate that she's paying the price for his cruelty and learning the hard way just how toxic he is.
I should have known he would do this but I’m actually surprised that he would blatantly take this out on our daughter. I hope I would do the same if it happened again but I would definitely think twice - DD really doesn’t need this on top of everything else. Would you have made a report even if it had consequences for your own kids?