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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bullying family how can I cope. Unreasonable to be upset?

6 replies

Allotmentblackfly · 13/07/2025 13:53

Hi
I live with hubby and 90 year old mother. I have recently been diagnosed with autoimmune inflammatory arthritis which is not responding to treatment and affecting my mobility. I have two younger siblings. Since my Dad died 20 years ago I have never liked being in my family alone without my husband as I feel constantly pit down. I have a close relationship with my mother but although she cares about me her own emotional needs have always come first. Historically she tells me my thoughts and feelings are wrong to the extent she told me I was getting too upset about my stillborn baby
i have always wondered in my head ‘ am I making this up’ etc but my feelings are ones that make me emotionally withdraw. I had an eating disorder in my teens and used to dream of stabbing my mother
A few years ago my brother was extremely verbally aggressive to me and it’s taken a while for me to forgive ( I always try to do the right thing)
two dats ago it was my brothers child’s 18th. Mr and hubby went along. All fine except my mother was carping and bitching at me all way through.
im fed up of being nice. I feel broken. I’m in tears. My recent steroid injection has not worked.
why do I get picked on
im not verbally quicksand if I say anything it’s oh she’s being silly
i love them all but I can’t understand why they do this

OP posts:
youreactinglikeafunmum · 13/07/2025 13:55

Its time to cut ties completely. Be brave and stick to it.

Its been 5 years for me and even though I have wobbles, it was the very best decision x

MrsCarson · 13/07/2025 14:18

Time to move yourself out. She may be 90 but she doesn't appreciate you being there, your brother can take up the slack if he's so wonderful. Have a bit of peace and life with just you and your Dh.

Tennislives · 13/07/2025 14:25

Your nasty mother is probably the reason you are ill with inflammation.
What exactly is your diagnosis?
You need to look at your lifestyle.

Get your mother out of your house for a start.
You need to calm your body down with a clean diet, and get rid of stress.

I was diagnosed recently and have felt the benefit of the changes I am making.
I have no choice.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 13/07/2025 14:40

Move out or your mum moves out.

Hoppinggreen · 13/07/2025 14:43

Your Mum sounds unpleasant and bullying and your siblings are the same.
It was not a great idea for her to move in with you, you should look at how to remedy that.
Once thats done distance yourself from all of them and see with them on your own terms

Allotmentblackfly · 13/07/2025 20:21

Tennislives · 13/07/2025 14:25

Your nasty mother is probably the reason you are ill with inflammation.
What exactly is your diagnosis?
You need to look at your lifestyle.

Get your mother out of your house for a start.
You need to calm your body down with a clean diet, and get rid of stress.

I was diagnosed recently and have felt the benefit of the changes I am making.
I have no choice.

It’s psoriatic arthritis

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