To ask for advice

[way2serious]

I am not sure what has triggered this exactly but I am sitting here in tears this morning, feeling so rubbish about myself. I have lots of feelings about not being good enough and they all seem to be overwhelming me this morning.
i went to the gym with my partner. I have been working really hard on the c25k on the treadmill and I just couldn’t even start this morning. He doesn’t usually use the running machines but got straight on there and ran for 30 mins. I just ended up sitting downstairs feeling rubbish. I want to end my membership. Why do I have to work so hard at something and still aren’t good enough.
i have been working part time for a company and am now taking early retirement, finishing next week and no one has even acknowledged it. I won’t be in the office again (wfh this week) so there won’t be even a card or a goodbye. Again I am not good enough.
three years ago I was 3 stone lighter and now I just feel fat with none of my clothes fitting me. I’ve tried to diet but I just crave sweet things and I struggle with the empty feeling.
I look old and I feel old.
I have no friends.
i want it to be better but I don’t know how anymore.
sorry for this self pitying post.

What did your partner say? Any words of encouragement?

First of all well done for getting the gym. You might feel today wasn’t a good day, but you still did what you could, and that’s better than doing nothing. Tomorrow or next time will be a different experience. I have short episodes (20mins) of stuff I can rewatch a million times (Derry Girls, etc) and just walk/pedal - I think at least I’m doing what I can for today.

In terms of your colleagues - it’s a sad but true trend that offices are just less ‘friendly’. I wouldn’t put too much store in a card from people you won’t socialise with in future.

its totally fine to have a pity day (or three) but I hope you realise in your early retirement you have so many opportunities to volunteer, learn a new hobby, join a book club or walking group, and really embrace this next chapter in your life. If you think your feelings a bit more deep than ‘just feeling down’ there are a lot of online resources like Mind, NHS talk therapy, and more which might help.

I didn’t tell
him. Just said I had a headache.

And now that you’re in tears?

go and talk to him

go back with him tomorrow

Oh OP I get you! I’m heavier than I have ever been and just went through a redundancy thing at work. I feel like no one at work cared about me or my feelings. I had to move departments and no card or acknowledgment.

My DP is great but lack of effort over the years and everything else with low confidence made me feel awful. Just generally in a massive funk.

I am having a better week which was helped by:

• I broken down and cried on my DP and he has really stepped up this week to try harder at showing affection / we had a date night
• i told my new boss and spoke to a few work colleagues who all acknowledged how I was feeling, then they checked in days after etc. and I got some good feedback.
• I made a plan on the weight loss and decided not to be so damn hard on myself. Make a micro target even if it’s just 4lb or 7lb. And allow yourself to have days when don’t go to the gym, feel your feeling and let them out. But then put on your big girl pants and kick ass 🥰

Look you have lots to look forward to in retirement. It is a whole new chapter you can do whatever you like. That can include getting fit and eating well and just generally doing what you love.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down, @way2serious.

My first thought is - you got to the gym. That’s a bigger step than you might think. Not every gym session will be a good one though and never forget - comparison is the thief of joy. Maybe go by yourself next time and just celebrate whatever you achieve, however much or little that might be.

Retirement is a hard one, it’s a big change, and with hybrid working, however great that is in some ways, there’s much less connection and so less celebration than there would have been. We have to make these happen ourselves more than we used to which for some of us is quite a challenge.

But retirement could be a new start, with new goals and new connections.

Have you considered no one cares about anyone beyond themselves, even your dearest and closest? Focus on yourself, only compare your progress to your last progress, and you’ll do well.

I know someone doing C25K, took an hour and a bit, at what I’d consider a walking pace. For them, it’s an improvement and they’re happy about it. Be like them, don’t self-pity.