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AIBU?

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Original poster

... only count to 1000 before I explode?

26 replies

AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 16:14

I cannot believe what DH came out with over lunch, and more than that I cannot believe he doesn't think it's a big deal!

DH decided to drop into the converstaion at lunch that he resigned last Wednesday. I was shocked and asked firstly why he hadn't mentioned this to me beforehand and if he was having problems with work, why didn't he discuss it with me. I then found out that he had spoken to his mum yesterday when we down in Somerset having lunch. So he talked to his mother before talking to me about it

I am so bloody angry. He drops this on me so I am now worried about our income/house etc, and I am feeling like the 'little woman' who is not really anything more than a glorified nanny and housekeeper as obviously I have nothing to do with his decision making.

I'm just ranting really. When I tried to talk to him, he acted as if it was funny and doesn't understand why I am so cross.

He is going to see his big boss tomorrow so hopefully it will be sorted out. He did say he just hasn't unresigned yet.

Ooh I'm cross

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Egg · 26/05/2008 16:17

Bloody bloody hell Squirdle . I read this, wondered if I would get around to reply and then saw it was you. I would be absolutely hopping mad that he didn't tell you until now. Yes it is his decision to resign if things are bad at work but I would expect my DH to have mentioned that things were getting to a point that meant it was possibly going to happen.

Was he surprised you were cross?

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 16:30

He isn't really saying anything about it atm! Mind you boys around young and old so tisn't really the time.

The thing is, he tells me to be careful about what I spend (and tbh I don't spend much apart from the shopping and neccessary boys stuff) and he has recently bought a new motorbike, is going on a track day (bike racing) next week, is going to the theatre in London with DS1 next weekend and has just booked a holiday! Arrrgggghhhh! I guess this resignation thing isn't serious on his part, it maybe just a shock tactic as he is quite invaluable to his comapny, but thats beside the point.

I've just ranted to a RL friend on the phone. Poor woman just called to finalise plans for tomorrow

I have calmed down a bit now, but still quite cross. I don't know what I am more cross about...probably because he saw fit to discuss his with his mum before me! He did this with something to do with our mortgage a couple of years ago, she actually told me what was going on I was pretty cross then!

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Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 16:31

Ooh and Egg, we neeeeed to together I promise I won't go on about DH

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funnypeculiar · 26/05/2008 16:31

I would be utterly, utterly furious too. Both to have been left out of the decision process, & to have been second in line to the MIL on the news.

The only thing that slightly, SLIGHTLY mitigates is that (from my reading of this) he is not planning to go through with this. But even so, he utterly should have shared his thinking with you.

Perhaps you should drop into conversation that you're expecting triplets in 6 mths but forgot to mention it to him

Egg · 26/05/2008 16:48

LOL funnypeculiar!

Yes I know Squirdle, I really know, it is me that is crap. Will text or email you shortly. Not this week but next might be good?

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 16:53

Lol, FP I may well just do that

Egg, this week is no good for me either...school holidays and the like, but can do next week. I could come to you if it is easier..and Monday to Thursday mornings I have no children! (and no DH either )

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Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 16:54

Oh and Egg, tis both of us really, not just you! You have a very valid excuse

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lucyellensmum · 26/05/2008 17:14

Right - so, i would feel all of those things you have said, especially after he spoke to his mother. I would be calling my DP a spineless mummies boy and be pulling my own hair out over money etc. BUT, it might just be because he felt he had cocked up and didnt want to worry you (not in a lets not worry the barbie doll in the kitchen type sense - i would accuse my DP of that). He may well feel he has let you down etc etc. I know you must be FUMING i know i would be, and i also know i would battle to do what im about to suggest, but i really think you shouldnt be too hard on him, its a huge deal and you clearly need to sit and talk about the ramifications. You then need to sit down and make it clear that you function as a team and that he should never feel he can't talk to you and that it bloody well hurts. I've sort of been there, but often i know that it has been through fear of my reaction that DP has kept quiet about things (credit card debts etc). It was just that he was so stressed anyway and couldnt face a stressed me on top of everything else. ITs not acceptable, but understandable.

SmugColditz · 26/05/2008 17:17

I think the fluid in my eyeballs would be boiling. And I would inform him that I would continue to keep my family in the manner to which we have become accustomed, and he could sell his bike to finance it if he doesn't get a job in time.

Flamesparro · 26/05/2008 17:21

Can I come and thump him????

You wanna meet up this week? (not for thumpage especially )

beaniesteve · 26/05/2008 17:22

What if they don't axcept him back ?

Flamesparro · 26/05/2008 17:22

He is a Very Bad Man.

beaniesteve · 26/05/2008 17:23

accept

DeeRiguer · 26/05/2008 17:32

is he always so full of surprises?

here too

smugc's eye ball fluid sums it up for me

soopermum1 · 26/05/2008 17:47

i'd be spitting mad. even if he's not serious, it's a dangerous game he's playing. no one is indispensible and he'd be wise to remember that. he could do it if he was young and single but he has responsibilities and he should have discussed it with you.

HonoriaGlossop · 26/05/2008 17:55

wot soopermum said

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 20:10

He is a Very Bad Man!!

The thought had crossed my mind that they may not have him back, but judging by the amount of work he does and the calls he gets for advice etc, I know they need him.

I definately know he would never want to lose the house so I don't think he'd be that stupid. It's more that he didn't speak to me about it but spoke to his mother that is annoying...and hurts tbh.

I don't know where his head is at. I am now wondering what other little surprises he has up his sleeve

And Colditz, my eyeballs were pretty much at boiling point! They are quietly simmering now.

He is off to work in the morning though, so I guess I just see what the week brings.

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beaniesteve · 26/05/2008 20:23

Perhaps they don't need him. Perhaps they will have someone else in the job by the time he works his notice. He seems to be playing with fire ...

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 26/05/2008 20:30

Ok, yes it's possible, but I don't think he is easily replacable. This is the whole problem, because he is the one who knows how to do everything, he gets called upon to do it. He works away most weeks and is angry he doesn't get to see the children as much as he'd like to. He does work a lot.

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MrsTittleMouse · 26/05/2008 20:36

I would need to be scrapped off the ceiling as I would have exploded with rage. DH has a collegue who did this, and then had to go grovelling for her job back, as she obviously wasn't as indispensible as she thought. It's a really really dangerous game when you have a mortgage and children. And he just "dropped it into the conversation". What an arse.

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 27/05/2008 08:42

I've got to stop being so cross about this, tis no good for me!

I was a bit quiet yesterday evening and DH kept asking me what was wrong. Now it wouldn't take a genius to work that one out would it! Trouble was DS1 was around all evening and I really don't want him troubled by all of this, so it wasn't easy to talk. And also I kind of figured DH could start talking about it if he really wanted to. And tbh I couldn't be bothered to talk about it if I was going to get the same 'oh it's quite amusing' reaction that I had earlier. I have had no apology whatsoever about not telling me and none for telling his mum first. It's left me feeling really angry and actually quite sad that I have a husband who can treat me this way. What other secrets does he have?

He went off to work at 5.45 this morning (probably a good thing for both of us) and one of the things he is doing to day is meeting with the boss of the company about this. So I guess we will see what transpires from it.

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Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 27/05/2008 08:45

Oh Flame, yes you can thump him if you like, but there are few opportunities as he is never here! I now have all the children alone until Friday and pretty much all of Saturday too when he goes to the theatre.

Yes to meeting up. I have suggested meeting for a picnic at Moors Valley to Psycho, but I guess we need to see what t'weather is doing. Supposed to be seeing the Underground Ernie trains today, lets hope the rain holds off! So best days for me to meet up would be Thrusday or Friday.

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Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 19:09

There is talk of a picnic at upton house with bournemouth/poole lot on Thurs if you fancy that?

I'm not sure what the moors valley situation is now with Psychogirl1 being in plaster

Friday is good too

Any news from D (or not so D) H?

Original poster
AngryRantySquirdle · 27/05/2008 21:01

DH is fine, all is ok it seems. I am still cross with him, but not quite so cross. It helps that he isn't here atm

Hmm, Thursday not good now as I have plans - soz. And now not sure about Friday either, will have to let you know when my AWOL sister lets me know if she is coming up or not. Haven't seen her or the boys for waaaay too long, so I can't turn them down if they are coming iyswim.

Does Whoops know about picnic on Thursday? Tho not sure what she does re childrens holidays.

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Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 21:15

Gah! Will have to see you another time then if not. Yup, Whoops is on the meet up thread.

My mum says DH told his mum first because he was probably scared sh*tless over how to tell you so went to her for advice dunno how true that sounds!!! yay for all being well though