Mil disappeared with child

[Kayahew]

What would you do in this situation
ex boyfriends mum came round who is my child’s nan. The child always gets wound up when she is round he is 2 and 4 months, and was crying. She says can I take him outside to calm down and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. I said ok, not thinking much of it assuming they would be in the front garden/she would take him for fresh air and come back in. I went to put my baby to sleep. They were gone for an hour and a half and it took half an hour of phone calls before she answered and said she was in the pub with him. She knew it was now dinner time, she laughed and said I’m not sure he wants dinner now I’ve given him a sundae.
What would your reaction / response be?

Depends on your relationship with her. I'd probably say nothing and not let her take the child alone again, or just say that you were worried as you didn't know where they were and she didn't answer the phone.

I would have called the police after half an hour. Never let her over the doorstep again. She wanted to play a silly game, so she can win a prize of being kept at arms length.

I'd stop letting your ex's mum into your house!
She can see her grandchild on dad's time.

Different from the others, I would be grateful that she wanted to spend time with him tbh. Did he come back happy?

Disappearing for an hour and a half and ending up down the pub is very different from taking him outside for a bit of fresh air.

I would have assumed that she would be in the front garden or would be walking him up and down the street. I would have been frantic if she was out of sight and I couldn't contact her.

She should have come back into the house and asked you if it was ok to take him elsewhere and to be out for such a chunk of time.

Questions are:

1. Why did she think it was OK to take your son somewhere for a long period of time without telling you or ringing to tell you?
   Possible answers: thinking you'd say no? wanting to show you who's boss? thinking you wouldn't mind? None of them are good

2. Why does your son get would up when she comes round?
   She doesn't respect his boundaries either? He isn't comfortable around her? He thinks he can get away with bad behaviour with her? He picks up on tension from you? Again. none of them are good.

She seems like someone you don't really want in your life from this. Maybe she has other good points that balance it out?

She didn't ask to take him out for a bit of fresh air, she said a walk. I don't think an hour and a half for a walk is unreasonable. I think you are a little neurotic

Terrible fancy not telling you, I would be worried too especially not answering phone calls.

I think its the communication thats a problem. A little walk and an ice cream in the pub are 2 different things. It would be unacceptable to have my baby and not answer the phone.

It would be a firm discussion of boundaries i.e. the icecream, the 90mins of bonding all fine but not if I dont know and you're unreachable.

Go and get him and get him to bed. She wouldn't be having him unsupervised again.

It's not about the fact she went for a walk, it's not about the pub or the ice cream, it's about the fact she didn't communicate where she was and didn't answer the phone. At the very least tell her if she has him she needs to tell you clearly where she is and when she will be back and answer her phone.

Does Dad have time though? My ex,s mum loved spending time with the kids etc. but if it was left to " his time" then shed have never seen them as he didn't bother seeing them

So they certainly wouldn't have the good relationship they still do with their grandmother

She didn't take them to the pub but she certainly did do a lot of things I wouldn't

Soon learned to let it wash over me

Although TBH there wasn't constant communication as only a small % of people had mobiles