Back story: my mum moved abroad a few years ago, fell out because of her partner. Didn’t talk to her for a while but when she was in the country she would show up on my doorstep and ask to talk to me but couldn’t see what the issue was. Her partner was a massive narcissist and controlled her so much. She missed so many important things of mine because of him not letting her go or guilt tripping her if she did.
About a year ago I got a message from her saying she’s left him (again..this was the third time of trying to leave him to move back here). She was staying with her sister. I said I’ll believe it when I see it basically. About 6 months later she rented a flat. At that point I said okay fair play I’ll take you shopping for all the things you need to get etc. She hadn’t seen my kids by this point because I didn’t want them to be confused with her coming back again.
She was very depressed and didn’t know what to do with herself. Had no purpose and would just sit playing games on her iPad or watch tv all day. I said to her I can’t do this, it’s affecting my mental health and I’d been doing so well since I hadn’t seen her. I cut things off with her again and said I needed space because I felt like I was being dragged down with her.
Then a couple of months ago I had a message from my auntie saying she was in hospital and they thought she’d had a mental breakdown. Turns out it was encephalitis and she was quite poorly. I went to see her in hospital while she was in ICU. She then moved to a different ward and has been there since. I’ve been going twice a week, but honestly I’m so drained and exhausted. My husband and I both work full time, we have 2 kids doing clubs etc in the week, my husband travels for work as well so I’m on my own sometimes too. My mum is getting better but thinks she’s going to be home in a week or so but she definitely isn’t ready. I haven’t been to see her this week because I’m so exhausted and burnt out and I needed one evening where I needed to just have a night off.
I’m going to see her tomorrow, but I really can’t be bothered. I feel like speaking to her again has been forced on me and maybe I’m resenting her for that. She’s also not 100% herself because of the illness (it affects the brain), and she’s getting so ahead of herself. Saying she wants us all to go on holiday next year, wants to look after the kids etc and me and my husband are both in agreement that is not what we want. I feel like I’m happy to have a relationship with her, but I don’t want to talk to her everyday, it’s so overwhelming. It’s pushing me away if anything. There’s so much pressure I don’t know what to say or do to her.
Please help, or AITA?