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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he’s a bit much?

28 replies

SandyBeachBum · 12/07/2025 15:47

I’ve been messaging a man for a while and met him a couple of times. He’s nice enough, I think he’s a bit lonely. But if I don’t reply he’ll text and text and yesterday he said he was “having a panic attack” when I didn’t reply and when I opened WhatsApp I had 13 messages in 2 hours.

he says he “really likes me” and worries I don’t feel the same. This has really put me off to be honest. What do you think?

OP posts:
RainbowAndArrow · 12/07/2025 15:48

Id be giving that a swerve to be honest.

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2025 15:50

Sounds like they are investing into this relationship more than you want to. Making it unequal. The more you hold back, the more they will push. That would drive me potty.

I don't think this one is for you.

AreolaGrande · 12/07/2025 15:51

What a fucking wetwipe.

Get rid.

StrawberryCranberry · 12/07/2025 15:51

I would find this off putting too.

Original poster
SandyBeachBum · 12/07/2025 15:53

What shall I say to him?

OP posts:
AreolaGrande · 12/07/2025 15:54

You barely know him. No need for an epic conversation.

"This isn't working for me. All the best for the future. Fuckity bye."

Original poster
SandyBeachBum · 12/07/2025 15:55

AreolaGrande · 12/07/2025 15:54

You barely know him. No need for an epic conversation.

"This isn't working for me. All the best for the future. Fuckity bye."

I like that 😅😅

OP posts:
Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 12/07/2025 15:56

Just tell him you're not looking for anything this serious and block him. I'd do it by text tbh.

I had to dump a bloke by text because after 3 weeks he told me he loved me and was talking about how cozy we'd be living at his in the winter. It was July! We barely knew each other. Absolutely stifling.

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2025 15:58

AreolaGrande · 12/07/2025 15:51

What a fucking wetwipe.

Get rid.

I was wondering how to phrase my answer but I don't need to. This one is...harsh but fair.

RichardOsmansfondueset · 12/07/2025 16:00

SandyBeachBum · 12/07/2025 15:55

I like that 😅😅

Show quote history

This for sure, polite and firm and then block

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2025 16:02

Don't overthink the dumping. You're not responsible for his happiness. Run. And if he says "OMG you leaving is going to push me into a MH crisis", run faster .

LadyHexham · 12/07/2025 16:02

Be honest and tell him he's suffocating you, and that it's more intense than you're looking for.

RainbowAndArrow · 12/07/2025 16:04

LadyHexham · 12/07/2025 16:02

Be honest and tell him he's suffocating you, and that it's more intense than you're looking for.

Honestly I wouldn't do this. It invites a response from him 'im sorry I'll do better I just love you/ I have issues/ my puppy died when I was 12' etc etc.

Life's too short. Chuck this one back.

Lavender14 · 12/07/2025 16:04

Agreed he sounds like he has issues with either boundaries/ lovebombing/ reading social cues/ being self sufficient.

That would completely put me off as its disrespectful of both you and your time.

I'd just text him and say it's been nice meeting you but this isn't working for me and I don't want to pursue anything further with you. Wish you all the best.

Then don't respond to anything further, you don't owe him an explanation.

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2025 16:05

Sorry didn't read OP properly...you've only met him a couple of times so you won't even be "dumping him" or "breaking up with" him because you're not his girlfriend. A brief polite message then block. Absolutely no need to do it in person.

GreyCarpet · 12/07/2025 16:14

Yep, end it. You'll regret it of you don't.

It won't improve.

Just message him something like, "Hi, John. I've enjoyed getting to know you but I don't see a future in this and don't want to see you again. I hope you find what you're looking for."

A reasonable person would reply along the lines fo, "OK. Sorry to hear that but thanks for letting me know. You too."

I know this because I've sent and received messages along the lines of both.

It's never nice sending it, and, tbh, it can feel worse to send it than receive it! But anything other than a polite acceptance is a further warning sign.

You don't need to explain yourself and you don't need to listen to his feelings and you don't need to consider giving him a chance to do better.

I'd also do it sooner rather than later (like now - strike while the iron is hot and all that). The more you overthink it, the harder it will be to do and the worse you will feel. Once it's been sent, it's done then. And you're never going to reach a point where you are looking forward to sending it. Don't kick the can down the road and enjoy the rest of your weekend in peace.

Original poster
SandyBeachBum · 12/07/2025 18:00

Thanks everyone. I don’t want to hurt him but it’s just a bit much and to say he’s having a panic attack and can’t handle it as I didn’t reply has just really put me off. It’s his anxiety about me replying or not or liking him or not that is what’s putting me off!

OP posts:
Catherine3436 · 12/07/2025 18:01

Ruuuuun for your life

Serpentstooth · 12/07/2025 18:02

Needy people need their mum that's not you. Keep looking, good luck.

Sally2791 · 12/07/2025 18:04

Agree, get rid quickly by text. Does he know where you live?

Thatslife234 · 12/07/2025 18:04

I would try asking if he is always this anxious. Tell him it's way too much.

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:04

Run

TaborlinTheGreat · 12/07/2025 18:09

Throw this one back!

KassandraOfSparta · 12/07/2025 18:11

Run a mile.

NPET · 12/07/2025 18:11

Would be too much for me!
If he's genuinely having a panic attack, he needs help, but not from you!

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