Friend and dogs AIBU

[Debbacat6]

My friend (f55) of thirty years got a spaniel puppy six years ago, tried to train it but gave up the classes as 'dog wasn't happy being told off'.
She then added her working daughters dog..cairn terrier to save her daughter doggy day care. That is now three years old.
The dogs are lovely to look at, terrible to take on walks and every time I ( f56) go to her house
( she won't drive to me because she 'can't leave the dogs') they jump up at me. The spaniel always draws blood with his claws so I now wear jeans.
She simply says ' he'll calm down in a minute...he's just pleased to see you' ( he doesn't and he is probably too much! Willie out and humping leg)

I love my friend but I dread going there and she simply advises me to 'wear thicker jeans'. I do not understand why she just gave up training them. Is it too late at nine years old? I am type 1 diabetic and any cut or deep scratch takes ages to heal.

I've tried talking to her but her answer is..'meet me at the shopping mall then' ( near her..30 miles from me) 'as I could leave them for an hour but I can't drive to you because I can't leave them in the car'
She also says she doesn't like being a passenger in a car now as it makes her anxious so won't come in my car with me, leaving dogs with her husband.

AIBU to feel this is a very one sided friendship? I dont have dogs so I accept this may be me not just understanding them.

I would be giving this one a wide berth. How does she enhance your life?

Yes it's a one sided relationship. If you have to make all the effort and she's not offering reasonable compromises then she's showing you how much effort she is willing to make to see you. Match her energy.

Honestly id just stop seeing her or meet once in a while at the shopping centre. She is refusing to keep her dog under control just tell her that. Fwiw I have a spaniel and they are very trainable but excitement can over take the and I have to keep mine on a lead sometimes if we have visitors.

Your friend is being unreasonable.
Firstly it's not on to permit this kind of behaviour. A complete lack of training and discipline just leads to anxious and frustrated dogs.

Secondly it's outrageous to demand other people just put up with being scratched and jumped on, not to mention expect all friendships to withstand the limits your incompetence with dogs impose on your lifestyle.

In your shoes, I'd start by asking myself if I want to be friends with this person.

But assuming that you do, my advice is to message her when you arrive at her house (no ringing the doorbell which can ramp up excitement) and then you walk away from her house, and the two of you meet in neutral territory and walk back to the house together. They are both on leads and you ignore them completely. Once in the house, the dogs need to be kept on leads (with you out of reach) until they've completely calmed down.

You being hurt in any way is completely unacceptable and any good, committed dog owner should not take a casual approach, not least because it is behaviour which could lead to the dog being put down.

I wouldn't be friends with someone who allowed their dog to jump all over me and scratch, drawing blood! Stop going there and tell her why you're not bothering any more. If she wants to live her life around her dogs, that's her business, but you don't have to!

No- you don’t have accept social situations where the outcome is a dog jizzing in your leg wound.

Stop the friendship.

As an aside (and as a dog owner) I hate people who buy breeds they are incapable of looking after through no research. A dog owner near me has a spaniel she got as a puppy, but has illnesses meaning she always has low energy. I sympathise with her illnesses but get angry at her choice of dog. It attacks other dogs, chases and scares children, has no recall and is constantly off lead.

I've kept 6 dogs in the last 30+ years including my existing dog and not of one of them has jumped up, regardless of how excited they've been to see someone. I don't appreciate having scratched legs so it's not something I've allowed. And, it's actually really easy to teach. The dog wants your attention. Fine, but the moment he/she jumps up you remove that attention by turning your back and walking away. You don't touch them, you don't speak to them. Once all four paws are on the ground, they receive attention. If they jump up again, remove your attention as previously. And repeat as required.

As for leg humping, I can't even begin to imagine why your friend allows this behaviour!

Spaniels are bright so age should not be a barrier.

Cairn terriers can be stubborn but perseverance really does pay with dogs.
For example, I gave a home to my Nana's 12 year old Cairn when she died. I had three much bigger, much younger dogs of my own and 3 cats. On day one, the Cairn had a run in with one of the cats, who wasn't accustomed to being chased and swiftly whacked him one for his trouble and happily he decided cat-chasing was no longer for him. Initially, he also tried to dominate my two male dogs - neither of whom were having it - but again he sensibly conceded victory following being growled and snapped at on several occasions. And I also taught him not to jump up. This was a 12 year old, very stubborn, dog who lived out his final years with cats and other dogs peacefully. So yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks - it (usually) just takes longer.

The problem I suspect you're going to have here is not with either dog, it's going to be your friend's laissez-faire attitude. Only you can decide whether the friendship is worth saving. For what it's worth, I think it's very bad form to tell you to wear thicker jeans when her dog(s) shouldn't be jumping up in the first place!