wondering whether grandparents should/ should want to take both dds not just one for overnight stays?

[nowwearefour]

our dds are nearly 3 and just 1. the youngest has been a complete pickle and i am only just weaning her off the evening breastfeed. but she is fine at night- now wakes only very rarely indeed if at all when at home. she isnt brilliant when away from home for sleeping purposes. both sets of our parents are keen to have our eldest dd (briliant sleeper) for overnight stays. my view is they are sisters, they come as a package and they should both be welcome at their grandparents' houses. but i dont know if i am being reasonable or not. how will dd2 get to know them and their places better if she never stays over there? it is difficult for us all to stay as not really enough space....would you let them just take the eldest one until they ask for the youngest? my inlaws in partic show def favouritism towards eldest and it does wrankle sometimes which is prob why this issue has come up in my mind.....

It's fairly common that grandparents find it particularly tiring and unenjoyable having sole responsibility for more than one small child. It's just how it is and you can't make them like it, so you just have to accept it.

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just a number of things- not showing any interest in her when visiting- spending time exclusively with dd1 when dd2 is sitting right there. dd2 fell down the stairs a few months ago- in laws arrived and i told them. they said -'oh' and went straight to dd1. didnt even ask if she is ok. i couldnt believe it. dh has made some digs about it so think they becoming aware of it but still wrankles. i have definitely been persuaded that i abu so i iwll let dd1 go with my love and am sure she will have a top time.....

"my view is they are sisters, they come as a package"

No, your DCs are not a package. They are two individuals who deserve individual treatments and lives.

ok. i was wrong. i have taken these points on board now - thanks!!!!

nowwearefour - you'll probably find that when DD2 is a bit bigger and has a proper little personality of her own, as far as the outside world goes (IYKWIM), then the grandparents will be just as interested in her.

I love and adore my children but looking back I concede that the older I get (and the older my children get) the bit between cooing at a tiny baby and the children becoming toddlers/walking/becoming fun to be with, is really not that interesting to anyone other than the parent of the child!! Most DH's/DP's I know would probably say that their DC2 was a fairly uninteresting little blob, compared to DC1, until they grew a bit older ...

When your first child becomes a little person that you can do things with and communicate with, younger siblings with always suffer in comparison ... until it's their turn ... and then everything even's out.

Sorry - all a bit woffly, I'm not quite awake yet!

I think just 1 is very little to be having overnight stays at anywhere except in complete and utter emergancies - and her grandparents taking them for the night doesn't sound like its an emergancy.

I suspect they possibly just assume that you'll also think DD2 is too little - esp if you have just stopped breastfeeding her..! Or maybe THEY think she is too little to have a night away from you unless its really necessary.

No-one has to take anyone else's kids overnight....so if they are happy to take one, then I'd really appreciate the offer - I'm sure they will take them both when your 2nd is older