DH says I’m not fun anymore

[Newmum288]

We have a 22 month old girl. DH has told me that he thinks I’m not fun anymore and he’s less happy in our marriage than he was a few years ago. I said it’s hard to be as fun/carefree when you have a toddler and he said it’s not just around her but even when we have time on our own.
I can tell he resents me. He doesn’t show me love like he used to. Half the time it doesn’t even seem like he likes me, never has any sympathy or empathy for me when I’m going through something. I swear he didn’t used to be like this. And now he tells me I’m not fun!
AIBU?
Yes - not a big deal, it’s normal to feel this way about each other at this stage, don’t be so upset
No - that’s a hurtful thing to say and you’ve got problems

The baby/toddler years are tough. If his reaction is not trying to find ways to take the pressure off you, but instead accusing you of not being fun while you’re slaving away raising his child and holding the household together, then it’s very much him that’s the problem.

Why should he do half of everything? He’s doing much more than half the household’s paid work.

I think his eye has wandered and he’s busy rewriting history and casting you in the role of ‘unreasonable wife’ to justify whatever may come next.

How much fun is he op?

Because the OP is also working three days and providing toddler childcare the other two days of the standard working week. She isn’t sitting at home filing her fingernails. There is no reason why he shouldn’t pull his weight at home during evenings, nights and weekends. ,waits to be told about the magical naps toddlers have and that it only takes five minutes to clean, cook and launder for a family of 89>.

The question is only - do they get equal leisure time and access to decent sleep?

This is the giveaway in most of these threads:

*We just can’t spontaneously go to gigs/weekends away/meet friends like we used to (obviously) and I think he’s struggled to adapt to that"

Another man failing to grow up and recognise that he is no longer young, free and single but is now an adult, a parent and has responsibilities.

Thank you. This is exactly what I meant.

You should have replied with "I feel the same way about you".
He's a fool. What did he think life would be like raising a child, the first two year's are a busy time, when most adults have the sense to understand that young children come first, routine.

Why are so many men man babies and utter bastards?

I agree with @Rainbowqueeen, ask him what his suggestions are. If he says things like going to gigs, ask him how he’ll make that possible, I.e., what are the childcare arrangements?

You weren’t put on this planet to entertain him. If he wants you both to have more fun, he needs to come up with the ideas and make them possible.

ExDP said this to me too when DC2 was about 10 days old. I realized later he was a narcissistic abuser. The abuse started when DC1 was 8 weeks old. He didn't like not being the centre of attention.

I have nothing kind to say about this man OP.

It would be more understandable if he put the blame on parenthood in general rather than on you alone.

What a tosser! Keep calm and carry on OP. Just decentralise him from your life…and do what works best for you.

I am mother to a 3 year old. I am not fun. I’m just not. I’m fucking exhausted. But so is my husband.

Sulking that you aren’t fun anymore is really cruel…but also you probably aren’t fun anymore, but it’s temporary.

I’d tell him exactly what “being more fun” would look like for him and how he sees that being achieved. No you can’t just randomly decided to go to Paris at the weekend, but you can plan to go to a gig next month.