Invited to ex FIL birthday?

[eastendersfanstic]

I have been invited to ex FIL’s 90th birthday in a few months and have mixed emotions about it all.

I am still best friends with ex and we speak frequently.

One of the reasons for the split was mainly due to living next door to IL and how nasty and interfering they had become.

For example when I had a sick relative I was helping MIL was texting me about how her son had just been “left and abandoned” her rudeness and nastiness was the final straw for me.

Ex would always back his parents over me as he felt as if he owes them for the private education, needless amount of money they have given him over the years etc.

Anyway I appreciate it’s a big birthday but I don’t even like ex FIL as he is just awful to be around very sarcastic and racist as well.

I helped them for many years without expecting anything back.

Never got a thank you but they did cook dinners a few times (their reasoning as how they have helped me) but in lockdown when I lost my business I was advised by MIL to go to a food bank which was very insulating to me.

I never asked for a penny of them but was very taken back by her comments.

Because they are 82 and 89 they just expect people to help them because of their age and are very entitled.

The only person they help is my ex.

Anyway my ex believes it would be a good idea to go as they are getting on abit and that they would like to see me before it gets too late.

I genuinely have no interest in them.

AIBU to not want to go and to just let them reap what they sow?

I would not go. You say you’re on good terms with ex so he would understand your reasoning for not going.
Doesn’t sound like any good would come from it at your end so no, I’d not be going.
You don’t have to tell the truth when you respond, just sorry I can’t make it, have a good time kind of message will do.

Don’t go. You don’t care for them, or about them. And they will not have changed.

Do not go! You owe them absolutely nothing. They have never been nice to you. You don't need to attend to please your ex any more.

Absolutely don't go. I don't see why you would, in the circumstances.

Just say, thsnk you for the invite but unfortunately I can't make it.

I don’t even like ex FIL as he is just awful to be around very sarcastic and racist as well.

I mean, this is pretty clear and reasonable. Of course you don’t go. They sound like awful people.

I’d also question being best friends with someone who is happy to throw you under the bus to appease his unpleasant parents. Who the hell is he to tell you what to do? I can’t see why you’d have anything to do with him. Detach, properly and permanently and spend your time with better people who actually care about you.

I would go if he was the loveliest father in law and wouldnt cause any drama with ex.

I would go if I was still with ex to keep the peace.

I see no reason to go in your situation.

Can’t you just say you have something else on on that date 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd stay away.

The only thing your likely to get for attending is abuse and blame

It’s really not difficult, just don’t go. They both sound horrendous, it sounds like you probably gave into them for quite a while, but now….it’s on your terms as you’re not with their son any more. Regardless of your still close friendship with your ex you can now stand up for yourself. Don’t go.

Are they hoping to matchmake you and DxH?

You don’t want to go so just don’t go.

You absolutely don’t go. It’s probably some kind of trap. Or they are just such awful people that have pushed everyone away over the years that you are genuinely considered one of their best friends.
But no. I smell a rat here. Maybe trying to get you and exH back together, or maybe exH has a new woman and they are inviting you to cause drama there, or they’ll use it as an opportunity to dangle the carrot of inheritance in exchange for you looking after them in their old age.
None of the options are in anyway desirable. And that’s the beauty of a divorce. The in laws are no longer “in laws” and therefore no longer your problem.

Being old does not mean people have to come running when you demand. You don’t like them. They’re not nice to you. Why would you go? I might come up with a plausible excuse rather than be upfront if it was me. I’m a coward!

God the Australian mushroom murder case would never have me accepting an ex IL invite.
Especially not in this situation as they sound awful.

This.
Distance yourself from them, or they'll be looking to younto provide social support forever.

So sorry, I have plans. Have a wonderful time.

They were the final straw that ended your marriage, to a guy that you feel enough for that you are still good friends.... whilst so many couples remain married and aren't friends!..... that tells me that had it not been for your situation, you would still be together?

Sorry... its already too late!

To protect your friendship with ex, id book a weekend away, tell him you have to be on a work thing.... family.... health appointment, etc and dont be around.
That gives you the "oh shucks, what a bummer" line without having to admit, where they are concerned, youre done.

Ive been there. My in-laws were dire. You try your best for a long time, but when tkme us up you just have to stop winding the clock!

You don’t like him, so don’t go!

If you feel at some point like you want to say goodbye as they are getting on, you can pop in for a 30 min cuppa on your way somewhere and grit your teeth. Much easier than lasting a whole party.

I suggest that you apologise for being unable to attend, due to a prior arrangement! Go out for the day and have a lovely time.

I don’t see any reason for you to go. ‘Thank you but I have something else on that evening. I hope you have a great night.’