To be worried about my brother in law

[Kate8889]

My BIL is in his mid 30s and has had substance issues for a while on and off (a decade or so). Two years ago he landed in the hospital with an unrelated issue that his substance use had made worse. He lived with his parents for a year and 6 months ago got his own place.

He has a job doing landscaping for the summer and his coworker (who used to mow our yard through the company) rang our doorbell and said he's so worried about BIL regarding substance use while driving again but doesn't want to tell BILs parents as they would freak out. My husband thanked him and passed the message along to his parents.

The next time he was visiting his/ my husband's parents, they checked his car and all looked ok and he said that the coworker was just trying to make trouble for him. This doesn't make much sense as he would have made an anonymous report to his employer if he really wanted to make trouble?

In any case my in laws have let it go and it seems like there's not too much more to be done. Am I unreasonable for still being concerned he may be drinking and driving/using stronger substances?

He was told in no uncertain terms by doctor that if he spirals again, he will not make it out alive most likely.

My daughter loves her uncle and we would all be devastated if anything happened to him, esp if he ran over someone with his car in the process.

Unfortunately there is absolutely nothing g you can do if he’s not willing to accept he has a problem. You can worry yourself sick, it will make no difference. He’s an adult.

It sounds like your BILs family are in a bit of denial. Would your husband try and talk to him face to face and see if he will admit he's struggling? Unfortunately, there's not much else you can do - if he is using again, it will become apparent probably quite soon. You as his family can offer help and support but ultimately he has to want to change and do the work on himself.

I doubt he'd admit to my husband and/or me

How would checking the car reveal anything?

Would your husband even try though? And express to his brother that he's worried about him and wants to help?

Coworker said he keeps a cooler of booze in the car

Tbh he usually leaves the "bad cop" stuff to his parents. He also doesn't have the leverage of controlling the purse strings to get him into rehab. So most likely not

if your BIL colleague is concerned enough about his potential substance abuse whilst driving to tell you then he should be concerned enough to call the police as soon as he gets behind the wheel. Could any of you live with yourselves if he injured/killed someone whilst under the influence and you all knew about it? Being worried about him is one thing but he’s a grown adult and you can’t make someone change unfortunately, him endangering someone else you can do something about

I don't think he should be alowed to drive if he's using again. That a danger not only to himself but to someone innocent as well. I think his employer needs to know if he's using.
This habit comes with consequences.

This.

You need to ring the police and say he might be driving under the influence.

They can keep an eye out, pull him over breathalyse and do a drugs swipe for cannabis and cocaine.

If he is using again he will end up in cells and be offered help. If not, no harm done.

Welp he totaled his 6th car this past week so he's off the road, didn't hurt anyone, thank goodness, not sure if he was under the influence.

Surprising he didn't get tested if he crashed and totalled a car.

Not sure of all the details, maybe he was just driving recklessly but not on anything? But he's not in jail or anything, probably shouldn't be driving though for a long long time

Update: yes he was under influence when he was driving. I really really hope his parents do not get him car #6.

He now has a broken leg from falling off a high place he decided to climb in sandals in the pouring rain while not sober. At least nobody else is hurt due to his recklessness.

Sadly I don’t think you will get anywhere by reporting him to police for general risk of drink/drug driving, as opposed to reporting him on a specific occasion of drinking/drug use when he can be stopped immediately. (Whereas reporting to DVLA eg for general driving risk because of poor eyesight would get results.) I know someone who constantly drug drives & I have regularly reported him. He’s never pulled over.

You would need to call the police at a specific time when you know he is driving under the influence, and since you do not live with him it sounds as though that would be difficult.