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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this must be a friendship of convenience?

3 replies

BexAubs20 · 12/07/2025 08:21

I don’t know if I should cut this “friend” out of my life. I must start by saying other friends have cut her out and have warned me she only uses me when it suits her. Ie if I’m going somewhere, she will tag along and often somehow manage to get me to pay or use my free pass, get a free lift etc. if she’s got plans with other friends, she never invites me and over the years I’ve been really hurt by this is I include her in everything. She’s been to my families special events etc. I feel like I’ve always classed her as a better friend than she has me, but at the same time, I’m her child’s godmother etc so surely she seems me as a close friend? I’m not sure if she just doesn’t know how to treat people. I decided that I like hanging out with her, our children play nice together and that I’d just treat her the same way in future and just treat it as a surface friendship when it was convenient for me too, but I find this super hard as it’s just not the person I am. Having this attitude has helped me not to feel so upset when she drops me. Yesterday we had plans. She text last min to re arrange because her child was no longer available. She could have still made the plans on her own. My child was upset. She now wants to meet up today, but I feel like cancelling because I’m still upset. AIBU to think she’s just using me when convenient? Or should I just carry on being surface friendship when it suits me and my children too? I find it hard as my other close friends who tell me she’s using me, don’t really do much socially. I maybe see them 4 x per year. So is it best to keep this friend and accept she will let us down? Or cut her out of our lives?

OP posts:
MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 12/07/2025 08:23

Id just tell her your busy today thats why you made plans for yesterday but nevermind youll see her another time. Just be flakey and distant like herself.

PicaK · 12/07/2025 08:25

Would you want your child to have a friendship like this? That's your guage really. When they get to the age they notice then it makes you think.
Otoh - you do get something out of it, you get to go out.
Keep her for now. Make friends with new people.

BexAubs20 · 12/07/2025 08:32

PicaK · 12/07/2025 08:25

Would you want your child to have a friendship like this? That's your guage really. When they get to the age they notice then it makes you think.
Otoh - you do get something out of it, you get to go out.
Keep her for now. Make friends with new people.

Luckily, I’d invited another newish friend and her child to yesterday’s plans so they still went ahead. I think this is what I’ll have to do from now on. Just include her if/ when it’s convenient for me and not tell my child about meeting up before hand

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