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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend of 1 year still liking girls Instagram photos..

16 replies

tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 08:09

AIBU?

I feel like I’m very out of touch when it comes to the dating scene… I left my ex of 12 years, 2 years ago and am in a fairly new relationship with my current partner. We’ve been together for a year.

with my EX, although things were FAR from perfect, I never particularly felt insecure… it was more the way he spoke to me and treated me both in public and behind closed doors that caused the marriage to end.

My current partner is everything I could wish for and more - he treats me wonderfully, and is everything my ex wasn’t. I moved abroad, over 8 hours from my home in the UK to be with him.

We are currently away for my birthday, having a really genuinely lovely time - but this morning I had a suggested ‘friend’ pop up on my Instagram (he and another few friends were mutual, so I checked her profile) I saw that a photo she’d posted in May, my partner has liked.

the photo is quite tame really, but she’s wearing a beautiful backless dress and posing. She is beautiful, looks stunning… and I dont know. It’s just made me feel really crap and insecure. Especially as this was only 2 months ago and we were and are very much together.

I just feel flat. I don’t know why, as she isn’t half naked in the photo or anything of the sort, so I’m struggling to figure out if how I’m feeling is over the top or if it’s justified.

I have no other cause for concern, but I just feel uneasy not knowing who this girl is.

I think perhaps to be honest.l, im feeling a bit embarrassed that he’s liking her posts when in a relationship with me.

He has been asking me all morning what’s wrong, as im quiet.. but I don’t really want to bring it up or get into an argument whilst away. I’m supposed to be enjoying my birthday…🫠

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 12/07/2025 08:13

Well you're only going to get out of this funk my asking him who the women is.

To be honest, I'd have absolutely no problem with DH liking members of the opposite sex pictures. As there are a number of mutual friends it sounds like it's someone he actually knows, not just some random women he's shooting his shot with.

KaitlynnFairchild · 12/07/2025 08:16

I think liking pictures of a good friend at an event (assuming she is someone he knows as the mutual friends suggest) and liking pictures of half dressed randoms are very different.

I think you should shake yourself off, enjoy your birthday weekend and not ruin it of something that’s seems like nothing. Keep an eye out maybe going forward but I don’t think that particular picture liking is a red flag.

Original poster
tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 08:17

Thank you both. I did wonder if perhaps I’m being a bit over sensitive.. I will keep an eye on it for sure, but I’ve not really had any other cause for concern.

I think I just feel vulnerable having given up so much to be with him (moving away from family and work etc) I just don’t want to be taken for a fool.

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 08:22

How would you feel if he was upset with you for liking a male friends’ photo on social media?

KaitlynnFairchild · 12/07/2025 08:22

I do totally get how you are feeling and I think men liking randoms pictures is beyond disrespectful to their relationship so I am not minimising that side at all, it just doesn’t seem like this particular picture liking fits into that profile.

From the limited amount of info we have it seems this may be your insecurity because you think she is attractive rather than anything he has actually done wrong.

If it makes you feel better say she popped up on your people you may know and he is a friend in common, does he know who she is is. Hopefully she is a distant cousin or an old school friend or something and you can relax.

Original poster
tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 08:23

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 08:22

How would you feel if he was upset with you for liking a male friends’ photo on social media?

I just feel like I’ve always been very transparent with him from the offset, he knows who my friends are, male and female - and I am always extremely respectful when it comes to following and liking etc on social media.

I am completely open to the fact that I could be being unreasonable here - hence me asking the question… I just wanted other opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 08:25

KaitlynnFairchild · 12/07/2025 08:22

I do totally get how you are feeling and I think men liking randoms pictures is beyond disrespectful to their relationship so I am not minimising that side at all, it just doesn’t seem like this particular picture liking fits into that profile.

From the limited amount of info we have it seems this may be your insecurity because you think she is attractive rather than anything he has actually done wrong.

If it makes you feel better say she popped up on your people you may know and he is a friend in common, does he know who she is is. Hopefully she is a distant cousin or an old school friend or something and you can relax.

Thank you. Yes I do wonder if it’s my own insecurities getting the better of me, I’ve not been feeling very pretty or confident to be honest, and I do feel he could do a lot better than me! 🤣

OP posts:
Wishiwasperfect · 12/07/2025 14:38

When you say liking " girls " photos do you mean " girls" or is it actually women's
photos , because there is a big difference.

And is it multiple different women or girls? Or is it just this one girl/ woman that you are concerned about?

Because if he is following multiple girls or women and liking their photos it suggests he has a roving eye.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 14:40

tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 08:23

I just feel like I’ve always been very transparent with him from the offset, he knows who my friends are, male and female - and I am always extremely respectful when it comes to following and liking etc on social media.

I am completely open to the fact that I could be being unreasonable here - hence me asking the question… I just wanted other opinions.

Show quote history

What's disrespectful about liking a photo of another woman, though? I don't understand your logic.

Original poster
tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 14:56

Women. They’re all around the same age as us.. so late 20’s.
he says he knows them from his various jobs he’s held in Egypt, his home country.

The part I find strange is how he seems to only like the photos of the women alone, not the ones of them with their partners / other people (he claims to know most of their partners).

OP posts:
WhatTheHelll · 12/07/2025 14:58

My partner can like whoever pics he wants, I don’t mind or see why I’d need to check tbh.

Original poster
tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 15:00

@WhatTheHelllI am probably being over sensitive. I have come from a relationship I really didn’t have to worry about (in terms of wandering eyes) to one where I feel like I’m learning the ropes all over again, so I think I’m probably being a bit silly.

OP posts:
fthisfthatfeverything · 12/07/2025 15:08

I really get very annoyed when people think there’s something more to the opposite sex chatting, liking photos, having a laugh, texting etc etc
I’m married, I prefer male company than female, females are judgy & bitchy - I know men can be but women More so.
i also know that yes, it can be a sign of a cheat, but it can also be innocent!

Just monitor the situation. relax and enjoy your birthday.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 18:27

tosayornotto · 12/07/2025 14:56

Women. They’re all around the same age as us.. so late 20’s.
he says he knows them from his various jobs he’s held in Egypt, his home country.

The part I find strange is how he seems to only like the photos of the women alone, not the ones of them with their partners / other people (he claims to know most of their partners).

Stop looking at what he likes on social media. You will work yourself into a big bundle of stress for nothing.

dontcomeatme · 12/07/2025 18:38

This is why I don't have social media. How utterly bizarre. It's not disrespectful for him to like pictures of anything he wants. Even if it was a pair of naked boobs. He likes boobs, and it's his instagram not yours. I'm gonna go ahead and guess I am in the huge minority here. But you are definitely over thinking it, and being a bit stalkerish going through who he's liked. If this were a reversal everyone would say the man was being controlling.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 12/07/2025 19:35

dontcomeatme · 12/07/2025 18:38

This is why I don't have social media. How utterly bizarre. It's not disrespectful for him to like pictures of anything he wants. Even if it was a pair of naked boobs. He likes boobs, and it's his instagram not yours. I'm gonna go ahead and guess I am in the huge minority here. But you are definitely over thinking it, and being a bit stalkerish going through who he's liked. If this were a reversal everyone would say the man was being controlling.

Totally agree with you, I like all sorts of random stuff on social media!

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