Sad for my friend

[Pollysoftheworld]

I have a friend. She’s had a shit life. Groomed at 17, into a relationship with a much older man, then ‘rescued’ by another much older man. Neither relationship was very sexual, she was kept sort of like a daughter/ pet/ lodger.
Ten months ago, she found the courage to leave and move to a city. We were hoping she would make the most of the last few years of her twenties, clubbing, dating, making friends.
But she has got into a relationship with a much older man again.
Now she’s not going out. She’s not developing her career. She’s not doing anything independently.
I’m worried I’m making a value judgement on how she spends her twenties. She only had one night out. She hasn’t travelled.
But at the same time, she says she’s happy.
Should I just butt out?
I don’t know whether to raise it with her.

Whether to raise what with her? Surely she knows what her life is like?

It sounds like she's subconsciously repeating patterns of trauma. I think you can raise it with her but I think you'd need to tread carefully. She's probably craving security and love and being cared for properly and is hoping these men can give her that, only to be disappointed when they don't and she's in too deep.

I would try to prioritise spending time with her and I'd bring up what you're noticing and tell her you care about her and want to make sure she's safe and happy so you're checking how she actually feels? Make it clear you're there for her unconditionally. I'd make sure this isn't by text where he could read it or by phone where he could be in the background. If he's controlling and thinks you're a threat to his control he'll find a way to make it harder for her to communicate with you. Though he might not be.

She doesn't need to have any crazy aspirations- she just needs to be content and happy and respected and treated well where she's at.