To ask you to please tell me if dh acted hurtfully?

[Gawwwd]

Was in conversation with dh this evening and I noticed him picking my knickers off the ground, where admittedly I’d left them, and carrying them to the laundry basket as if they were the carcass of a dead rat. Like, holding them out before him disgustedly. I then heard him go to the bathroom and wash his hands!
Now, these were worn knickers but they were not soiled, and dh is not a hygiene freak (I sometimes wish). I actually felt quite hurt by his disgusted approach to my underwear, and I do feel it was perhaps a passive aggressive performance since I’d left them on the ground. Was his behaviour normal, am I wrong to feel hurt? I feel very confused by this event, all opinions welcome!

Mine are sometimes left on the floor with my other worn clothes whilst I have a shower, I'd be upset if my partner did what yours did

Well according to posters, it’s obviously it’s all your fault for leaving dirty underwear on the floor and your DH has the right to be utterly disgusted…..

Come on guys!

Do you all kick off and make performative drama every time your DH and DCs does something out of turn. Are you all really so perfect.

I agree with the poster who suggested to withdraw sex given that he obviously finds your genitals to be disgusting. I’d sit him down and tell him not to bother approaching you for sex in future as the thought of his dick anywhere near you makes you want to have to go and wash your hands.

He acted like a pathetic twat. It’s a pair of knickers belonging to your DW not a sack of dog shit.

Somehow I have managed to never have to pick up DHs used pants, because he’s a grown up and can easily manage to locate the laundry basket plus I am more than capable to tell him to move his own pants if he leaves them on the floor.

Yes he was acting the twat..
The question is why.

What is going on that he would behave like that.

Not normal behaviour.
We are tidy people here and underwear gets dropped in the bedroom, perhaps before we bring it to the laundry basket.

No big deal.
What is going on with him?

YANBU, he was being a twat.

As you would expect there are lots of sanctimonious comments on this thread but the bottom line is, he's your husband - he's supposed to adore and cherish you, and treat you with respect and kindness. That means he either puts away dirty pants without fuss, or he has a respectful conversation with you where he lets you know it upsets him when they're left on the floor and asks you to put them away.

Acting like the fact that they've been in contact with your genitals makes them nuclear waste is intended to be shaming and hurtful. Presumably he has no issue with physical proximity to that area when it suits him, so there's no excuse for this kind of attitude now.

If you'd just dropped them or just didn't realise they'd been dropped he was being a total twat of the eye rolling variety.

If you'd left them there as you couldn't be bothered not so much.

I must admit I’m a bit ocd about dirty washing, my adult DD drives me mad just dumps them on the floor in her bedroom (fine it’s her room ) but then the puppy picks them up and brings them to me.

I just feel it’s not exactly hard work to pop them in the laundry basket, but yes I will confess there has been the odd time over the years when I haven’t and yes DH would comment on it, and I will point out he wouldn’t pick them up any more than I would pick his up for him, not just knickers I don’t see why anyone should have to pick up other peoples dirty washing.

As for washing hands, yes I would too, I wash my hands after putting dirty washing in the machine

Some peeps never grow up from needing mum to clear up after them, that's why, some men in particular are so useless because they know mum, partner or wife will sort it out.

Of course people forget to do these things - distracted, didn’t notice, [insert other normal human behaviour], but lots of people on MN are perfect and also disgusted unless things are sterile, boiled and free from any organic material.

Thanks everyone, I expected the more chastising comments but am grateful to anyone bothering to reply. Im still really bothered by this! I think because it felt like contempt, and I’ve seen a bit of that in him in recent years, mostly after he takes a drink - he’d a couple of beers on board last night. I’d had him pegged as someone who would never willingly hurt me but I’m kind of re-evaluating that lately and that’s a bit painful. Don’t really know what to do with that. That may sound a little dramatic but I’m ageing and in menopause and feeling I’ve lost my allure, and what he did last night left me feeling like I’m hideous to him.