My Darling Wife (DW) has started therapy. Part of the background initial stages is looking at formative experiences.
When she was 12 she started her first relationships. Initially, she was caught by a concerned neighbour snogging a 16 year old on the village green. They had met in the pub, where she was often left to her own devices by parents. This short lived relationship led to an introduction to an older friend (19 y/o) and a new relationship with the 19 y/o. DW's mother employed the young man as her gardener and often used him as a stand in for childcare, he would do school runs in his van, acting as a responsible adult so DW's mother could work late, etc. This lasted for over a year and included several, failed, painful attempts to have sex, and then sexual favours when their mis-aged junk didn't fit together. Although through therapy, has been reframed as rape and sexual exploitation.
When DW recently discussed this with her mother she was met with defensiveness, and a fraught conversation. This was followed up by an email admonishing DW for naming her experiences as rape. This included defending the 19y/o as being naive, accusing DW (then 12-13y/o) of being manipulative and leaving him heartbroken, claiming DW was "a very sexually developed child", claiming the situation was consensual, focusing on the feelings and reputation of the 19y/o and feelings of DW's mother.
Are we being unreasonable, or is DW's mother being unreasonable?
Posted with DW's consent.