What would you do - separating from DH

[Goingitalone1983]

Have posted before under different user names but basically am finally looking time separate from 'D'H after nearly 20 years, with the last few years of us just not being compatible. No one else involved, but Dh becoming verbally (nearly physically abusive) and blaming me for everything being wrong in his life

I'm at the point of looking at what housing will mean for the future. For reference there are 2 children involved, 9&4 so trying to make this as painless as possible for them

Current house is in joint names and my ideal situation is I buy him out but unlikely to happen

On my own I could afford a nice, larger 2 bed house, so each child could have their own room and I'd either convert a garage or have a sofa bed for me, in the same nice area we love now which is walking distance from their school, and be mortgage free about 5 years sooner

Or

A smaller 3 bed house a drive away from their school but would mean all having our own rooms

I'm happy to struggle for a few years and have my room in the living room just wondered what other options people could think of

Dh earns more than me so would probably be able to afford similar

I think I’d go for the smaller one, if you can get one with a garage to convert and can afford to do that.
It’s fine to sleep downstairs but what about storage? Maybe you could find one with a separate dining room to use as a bedroom?

I'd go for walking distance from school if you'll be on your own, the day when they can walk themselves to and from school is a game changer.

I really don't have a lot of stuff, I need a small wardrobe which i'm trying to find somewhere with some storage, and need a desk area to wfh but that's about it

Again to get myself out of the situation me and the kids are in i'm happy to make some sacrifices now

For completely different reasons I've been sleeping in my living room with my children having a room each (both boys 16yrs & 3yrs) I'd say, its not that bad. Downside is not having any privacy & having to go into other rooms to fetch clothes. If its for the short term, which in my case it is, its absolutely fine.

The house walking distance to school. Make your day to day life easy.

Agree with the others, house near the school.
Could you find a house with a separate dining room you could use for yourself, both bedroom and work space?
Converting a garage isnt too bad either cost wise.

Closer to school would be my choice. We moved to a house a five minute walk to both primary and high-school and it was honestly life changing for us as previously we had been 15 minutes away by car but the traffic and parking was so horrendous that the reality was more 30-40 mins and it stressed me out so much on my school run days. Now my eldest can walk on his own and it takes no time at all to drop off and pick up my youngest.

Mortgage free five years earlier would tempt me too.

I would agree, near to schools. Can your 2 children share temporarily, or you share with your younger child?

You could look at houses where a larger bedroom can be split into 2, a loft can be converted, as well.

I'm glad most people seem to agree that the 2 bed makes sense, I mentioned it to someone in passing at work today and they said I was mad for considering not having my own bedroom

I honestly don't mind the lack of space, and it probably wouldn't be a long term thing, just a few years to get sorted etc

Yeah smaller but easy for school is my vote too

Hadn't even thought about a loft conversion, this is something to think about

Tbh my eldest ends up in my bed a lot anyway when their dad isn't here anyway so I could probably bunk with them for a few months at least

Any way you could have a room and DC could share for 6 months?

Not convinced on DC sharing, think the potential uprooting and everything would be hard enough as it is so would rather they were settled in their own rooms to start with. But could also depend on the size of the room, have seen some houses with a large bedroom then split into 2

I would rent for a year. Get your finances in order and see if living in a 2 bed is practical.