50th birthday surprise

[abovetheantiqueshop]

Quick background. Just turned 50 and in the months leading up my partner and DDs have been asking how I'd like to celebrate. I have a very hectic job, life, etc. and said I'd love a restful weekend away with just us and ABSOLUTELY NO surprises or inviting visitors to stay. I live in the UK and my family lives in another country. So they said they had planned a surprise trip - day before they said it was to a lovely spa hotel. I was so relieved and excited as this was exactly what I wanted. Then day of my birthday, after working from home all day, the house a tip, cupboards bare, haven't even brushed my hair, I answer the door to six family members coming for a week from abroad. 4 of them have never been to the UK so really keen to see everything, etc. I know I should be grateful that they came, but playing hostess and caring for others (which is all I ever do) is the last thing I want now. I feel so disappointed and disrespected. Despite being crystal clear about how I wanted to celebrate, everyone disregarded my wishes. I also struggle with anxiety and this has put me in a bad place. I also had 2 recent health scares so overall feeling like I needed some time off. I got in a big row with my partner but am acting like 'everything is fine and I'm happy' for the sake of the visitors. AIBU to be pissed off?

OMG your poor soul, how disappointing.

But you need to shake it off and think what you’d like to do with the visitors as it’s going to happen regardless.

Can you book the spa break yourself for when they leave so you know you have relax time ahead?

Or just feck off and leave them all to it but I feel you’re not the sort to do that.

Sorry OP and Happy Birthday! I think all you can do at this point is try to enjoy the time with the rels, but check yourself into yjd spa break the second they leave (or asap afterwards). Just think to yourself - "6 more days..," it's probably preferable to go alone to the spa and just do exactly what you want for a few days. Be as lazy as you like there. Also, tell you DH to sort the house out, seeing as he invited these guests, and eat out, order Deliveroo or tell him to do a barbecue..

Oh I'm so with you OP. I can't think of anything worse. Even if you want to see them you've been robbed of the chance to get organised or prepare yourself mentally. I cannot understand people who think surprises are ever a good idea

I think what would sting the most is how after many years your dh has such disregard for you. He must truly dislike you for doing something you specifically asked not to.

is he trying to gaslight you for any reason in front of your family? I can’t imagine why ‘no inviting visitors to stay’ would mean anything but that.

I would be absolutely livid to have this dumped on me. Like unforgivable livid.

Thoughtless bastard.

Maybe we can find your perfect spa OP. Then you can tell your H to book it.

I'm guessing your DH and DDs thought you'd be thrilled to see your parents and siblings but have given no thought to how much extra work it is for you! Try to enjoy their visit and do as little as possible in the way of 'entertaining' - get DDs and DH to do some food shopping and they can do a bbq and tidy up the house - you concentrate on spending time with your family & have a few days out with them, go out for meals and have a few celebratory cocktails!

When the visit is over, book yourself a lovely spa break, either just you or with a friend. Take yourself off and have the relaxing break you deserve! 💐

That's outrageous! I would be absolutely furious!

I think If have to lay it on the line:

"I am delighted you've come to visit at least, but I was promised a 5-star spa hotel trip for my birthday. I did not expect to host anybody and I have not been given a chance to prepare for you. I'm sure it's not your fault, and I am glad to see you, but I am not going to lift a finger to host anybody this week. Dh will have to do it all. I am not cooking or planning or taking people out. If you want to go out, you will have to arrange it. If you want to eat you will have to cook, or order in, or book a restaurant. And sort out payment. This week I am a guest, not a host."

And stick to it.

Pretend you are happy to the visitors but I would make absolutely sure that DH and DD know exactly how unhappy you are and that you expect them to do the cooking, shopping etc. After they leave, I would take myself off to a day spa, on my own and then when their birthdays come around, give them the opposite of what they have asked for.

I’d be flippin raging. I would also be booking cleaners, restaurants , theatre tickets etc on DH credit card.

I would be putting on your happy face for family they made the effort it’s not there fault your dh is super ignorant he might have thought that this is the best idea ever. but it’s not for you I would be booking a fancy hotel and spa for myself asap once they return home and he would be paying for everything. Honestly it’s not the birthday you wanted but family is everything especially if your parents have made such a big effort punish your hubby when they leave. How hard is it to book a hotel fgs just give the wife what she wants. I hope you do enjoy your time with them now it’s not their fault and you don’t want to have regrets he is probably feeling smug he pulled it off.