To not be interested in men or sex?

[PinkCottonClouds]

I’m 37, I’ve been in a turbulent with the father of my children for 13 years. We split up a few years ago and got back together, and split up again about 6 months ago after I suffered a mental breakdown and he couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with it, long story short. Both times myself and children came to live with my parents. Children are settled here as am I.

ex is always messaging about sex and how attractive he finds me. I’ve also got a couple of men asking me on dates, to meet etc. But really, I’m just not interested. My youngest is only 4 and I just want to spend what time I can with them, and when I haven’t got them I’d rather watch Netflix, chill with my parents or read than bother the time and effort of going on dates! I don’t know what it is, if I’m messaging a man and they make a sexual comment it just gives me “the ick” at the moment. I suppose a drink with a man might be nice and an intellectual conversation, but urgh when someone has barely met you and say they’d love to kiss you or see you naked or just turns me off.

i don’t even crave the company of a man really, id rather get into bed with my children on a night than a man. Maybe mid cycle sex enters my thoughts a bit but other than that it doesn’t bother me.

After almost being “man mad” since I was a teen I don’t know what’s happened to me!!

That was meant to say turbulent relationship

Do you have the idea that most women are rampant sex fiends?

Why would that make you unreasonable? Many perfectly reasonable people choose singleness and celibacy.

If you don't crave the attention of men but always attract men who only wish to get sexual, it may be worth spending less time with them.

@toomuchfaff not but a lot of men are

All sorts if things could be going on here. You don't say if you used to like men/sex in the past, or if it's a new thing?

Anyway, you could be asexual - just not interested in sex, and there could be a physiological or psychological reason for it, either way it doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with you, unless you are unhappy with that (no one else can decide for you). It could be a transitional disinterest in sex, most women go through this when looking after little kids, its biology's way of ensuring young are taken care of. You could also be tired or stressed, low sex hormones and cortisol can kill libido. Some women are just stimulated by things other than a good looking guy coming onto them, they need intellectual and emotional connection to be sexually attracted to someone.

What are your thoughts?

It sounds perfectly understandable after the bad relationship you have come out of and to focus on your children and yourself. I think many people go through a point of not wanting to date and least of all have desire for sex when going through stressful life changes. You are happy and have your children, living with your parents who must be a great support and presume you work, so a busy person. Being single is not a negative like many try to say and your life is where you need it to be right now. The fact men in their 30s, 40s act like hormonally charged 18yo is a big ick for want of a better word. They seem devoid of making conversation and think it is just acceptable to message people sexual things. It puts you right off any of them. I think nearing 40s is also a change in us and nearer to the perimenopause after being quite driven biologically to reproduce that hit me in my early 30s. I never wanted children though and got fed up of the hormones fuelling these heightened desires. Your life sounds full and content and your priority are your children and me time when you can which sounds perfect.

It is your life and you should live it how you want. Just because men wantt od ate you doesn't mean you should nor should any "norm" or societal pressure.

This is so much more normal than people think. People just don’t talk about it as we’re all bombarded with sexual imagery in the media. It makes us think everyone must be at it all the time or wanting it all the time, and to be fair a lot of men do, but for women it’s generally far less of a thing.

There isnt a directive that you have to entertain male company, its not a requirement of life, there isnt a manager going to come along and tell you off Just block the ex, tell him to fuxk off and leave you alone, and live your life?

Im not getting your AIBU?

I think its more common and normal than society and media would have you believe.
Tbh I would stop messaging men at all in your shoes, they will just disappoint you.

Pffff are you me? I don't have kids and am long term happily married (sex isn't a priority here) and have felt similar since I hit about 42. Wouldn't touch a man with a bargepole, they are mostly irrelevant to me (apart from basic societal courtesies and paid services).
My husband is significantly older, a decent man and I'm just glad to be left alone, not pawed at, or
God forbid, asked to take "medication" to "want sex".
To hell with it. 😆

OP you sound like you’ve got your priorities right and are self aware and good at self care (didn’t mean to rhyme). There’s no issue here I reckon. Men are frequently gross (yes I know NAMALT).

I can't stand being propositioned by someone I don't know. It's a major turn-off.

I spent 7 years in celibacy as a lone parent. I was focused on my DD and my career. It’s liberating to hurl off this incessant societal expectation to be partnered up or on the hunt for one. Good for you. (I did partner up eventually but the single years did me a massive favour, by then my boundaries and expectations were very high)

You have probably just had enough of the bs. Good for you concentrate on yourself and dc when your ready you will go for it but there is nothing wrong with you.

Maybe stop the messaging men and don’t ever reply to your ex other than with functional one line response's.

I think more and more people are choosing to be single, and there is increasing availability of men wanting to be Mr Right Now. I think they are attracted to no strings sex and women who don't have the time or headspace for a boyfriend, but might enjoy a casual hook up.

Your choice which should be respected, whether it is for a period of time or for good. There is no crime in being single.

You would think that on many threads here where someone has gone off sex. It's always pathologised, it's never just that they're over sex and have better things to do and think about.

Not sure if you're BU or not but I feel the same! It's since having DC i think it's almost like my mind has shut off these feelings to prioritise my kids, maybe when they get older it will come back 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is nothing wrong with you or your priorities. You have reached the freedom life stage where you understand men are not the prize and you feel a bit if contempt for men of your own age who are still ruled by their dicks.

Enjoy life without putting pressure on yourself to do something you aren't interested in.

It’s healthy to have some time off from men and concentrate on your children and yourself. Enjoy the peace and ignore the bloody sex pests!

Absolutely fine to have zero interest in sex or romantic partnerships with men.

Harms nobody - enjoy yourself!

I do feel some of this feeling is down to the urge to reproduce and for women once they have had their babies, that need has gone so sex becomes much less important. I went off sex after the kids were born, it was a combination of factors but I really feel that my DDs became my main priority. My sex drive came back with a vengeance around the start of perimenopause though, which made my DH very happy.

I think it's good that you're feeling well and supported enough to have a clear head and see your exes behaviour for what it was/is. Nothing wrong with focusing on your kids in my opinion!