I know I'm not but ... Refusing to care for drama family's cats in future, feeling guilty

[DucklingSwimmingInstructress]

Used to be friends with the rather vulnerable mother of the family, but stepped away due to constant drama. The very final straw in the sizeable haystack was when she tried to press a present of hundreds of euros on me (which I had repeatedly said I didn't want) by getting my oldest son to take and lie to me by saying that it had come from someone else. I kid you not.

No contact with the parents of the family for 3 years now. But they've gone back to China for 5 weeks and left their two cats for 5 weeks with only an autofeeder and waterfall machine and the autofeeder has gone wrong. An acquaintance had to break in under police supervision to fix the machine and get a key, but they are now on holiday and the father has asked me (after 3 years silence) to look after the cats.

For the sake of the animals I'm going to do it, but aibu to send this? YANBU = it's fine to send, YABU = you should look after the animals again.

"XXX I'll help this time but our families don't have much contact all any more. Next time please can you arrange for the care of the cats with a friend or a neighbour? Thanks"

... I read this and it sounds so obviously not unreasonable ... I may still have too many issues around saying No ....

You need a more strongly worded message.

Thank you for helping those poor animals!

YABU for helping. I promise you they will ask someone else.

Say NO!

'Sorry, I won't be available to look after your cats'.

It's ridiculous that they left their animals like that...and then try and rely on someone they have pissed off in the past. Step away. Let them deal with their own bad decisions.

I would be sterner

In future you need to arrange for paid care such as cattery or house sitter. I will be presenting you with a bill for reasonable expenses. I don't expect to be contacted by your family again after this occasion.

Anyone who leaves animals alone for 5 weeks should not be allowed to keep them! You are facilitating this by helping. I would report this to the RSPCA.

I came here to say this. Cats are independent but not that independent ffs. The RSPCA need alerting to this.

Exactly. A day or two is ok but five weeks is neglect.

If you do this they won’t learn anything. Some people don’t listen to words (or aren’t bothered), they just focus on the outcome.

So (from your perspective): you’ve been very clear and annoyed and are looking after their cats on an emergency basis only as a welfare issue.
From their perspective: you’re looking after their cats just like they wanted.

What the hell kind of autofeeder have they got that works for 5 weeks? Mine does 1 feed.

Good for you for recusing the cats. They do not deserve to have them and I think I would seek advise on having the cats removed from them. I would be very angry and upset about this and they would know it from my message.

Well the police know the situation - the acquaintance they first contacted literally had to break into the house to get to the feeder machine. They were quite reasonably afraid of being reported, so they contacted the police first. It's a long story but the gist of it is that the father of the family claimed a couple of neighbours were looking after the cats, neither of whom knew anything about it .... previous posters are right, I'm just helping them avoid having to pay aren't I? :/ But at least the police know the cats are there.

I don't feel I can change what I've said now, but at least I've said No for next time (and I'll be able to stick to it).

Who goes on holiday leaving two cats on their own for five weeks?!

I actually think you're under reacting. It's outrageous that they have asked you after three years and an outrageous thing for them to do. They need to book the cats into a cattery or arrange a proper pet sitter and if I were you I would tell them you will do 1 visit while they make arrangements and after that either you will take them to the cattery or you will report them as abandoned to the rspca.

There shouldn't be a next time. These people should not be allowed to keep animals. Please contact an animal welfare charity.

(That's assuming this is real of course. Like pp, I have never seen an auto feeder that can work for that long...)

I wouldn't be looking after the cats, I'd be reporting them to the RSPCA as abandoned. Surely they should be confiscated and rehomed?

Please tell the police that the other person who broke in isn’t able to look after them and that you have been asked. Please also report to the RSPCA and tell them you are doing it but only under duress.

@itisnotknitting I guarentee I'm real :D and yes, 5 bloody weeks. I wonder if that's why it broke.

Apparently it sent a message to the child of the family's phone. He's actually a caring boy, and rang up his friend's mother (the acquaintance) in panic.

We're not in the UK. The police told the father of the family that if he didn't arrange something then the cats would be taken into care.

I've told him that Im not doing it again and he'll have to make other arrangements. He's not happy, but frankly that's not my problem.

I do think that I'll leave any further steps to the police now.

Agree with the first part, but OP helping in an emergency is not “facilitating” it so much as stepping in to help the poor cats. but do agree it needs reporting.

I don't think that you should have bothered messaging, but just got on with looking after the cats. You've opened up communication. I don't think that it's bad if she wanted to pay you for what you had done last time. But you don't tell children to tell lies.

I meant by helping for the full 5 weeks. I would absolutely make sure the cats are cared for until the RSPCA or similar can come and assess the situation.

Absolutely this.

I would invoice him and tell him your charge per day for feeding them.