Long one - genuinely think my MIL is, but I worry that it’s used so commonly now maybe I’m wrong and she’s just a horrible person. So am I right is she a narcissist or am I overusing the diagnosis?
So my MIL had my DP and when he was 4 she left and didn’t come back. When she eventually got in touch my DP was being raised by his DGM, she then went to court for custody and won. Two years later she was remarried and got pregnant and DP was sent back to his DGMs (My MIL’s MIL). 4 more children later she has been in and out of DPs life.
DMIL is always the victim. When DP was supporting his DGM through palliative cancer DMIL asked to meet alone and told him that DGM had domestically abused her and stole DP from her. DP knows that there could be truth in that the first time (not letting DMIL leave with him) but DMIL chose to send him back to DGM when he was 7. She asked DP not care for DGM as she had domestically abused her. Obviously DP was raised by her so couldn’t do that. DMIL posted a Facebook post that Christmas tagging all her other children and thanking them for being them and alluding to DP staying in contact with DGM who had wronged her.
She spent every visit for the next year after DGM died of cancer trying to tell DP what a horrible woman she’d been. She couldn’t be redirected she would just go on and on about how evil she was. Half of what she was saying couldn’t even possibly be true. DP ended up going LC for a while.
Back when I met DP MIL pulled me aside and warned me DP was a user. DP was 19 at the time. 15 years later and I’ve only ever known a lovely and generous DP. Not long after DMIL remarried again and her new PIL were being really rude to DP and we ended up finding out MIL was lying about giving DP money and taking advantage of her, she has never given us a penny, and actually had relied heavily on DP for childcare while she was getting divorced, but she had created a story to make her a victim. They ended up falling out for a few years. Then she got back in touch and made DP the centre of her universe it was like lovebombing until we noticed a shift again and heard rumours of more lies. While DP was the fav she started doing similar to her adult daughter. She bullied her, lied about her, to the point we had to pick SIL up and her move in with us. DSIL was blindsided as she’d never known her mum like that. It became a pattern as she then did it with the next DD once she became an adult too. She would always try and get DP to agree with her that DSILs were awful and when DP would defend them he would get the cold shoulder for a few weeks. None of her other adult children speak to her now, but her younger children who aren’t adults yet are still getting the perfect mum.
Similar to what she did with me, she told SIL bf that SIL was a horrible selfish person and he would be better off without her.
I have also had a real gut feeling whenever I am around her that 60% of what she says are lies. Some end up being proven lies. She lies about her ex, her kids, and sometimes it feels like she’s lying about mundane things. She is also has cut off her new DH from every single one of his children, siblings and parents. They caught her in a lie but she convinced her DH they had misunderstood and he stood by her and cut them off.
DP is currently LC but DP finds that sad as they are so family orientated. I feel like she’s an emotional terrorist and hope that one day DP is able to cut her off completely so he can get a bit of peace from her but I support whatever decision he makes. She doesn’t get to me but hate seeing what she does to DP
YANBU - narcissist
YABU - you’ve misunderstood her/not a nice person but not a narcissist